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Trying to Heal While Having to See Him Everyday


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So my dilemma right now is that I work near my ex and have to see him everyday. Some would say that's an easy fix, "Just get a new job." ...but it isn't quite that simple. I work in the armed forces and so we are basically stuck together until one of us deploys or gets stationed somewhere else. The chance of that is slim to none for a while and so I've just been trying to stay positive. I met him the first day I got stationed here and I thought I was very careful about getting to close to him too fast. I told him I didn't want to rush anything and he agreed because he was going to be deploying anyway so we talked and sent emails back and forth for 6 months and really got to know eachother (or so I thought). He would tell me he couldn't wait to come home to me and start something and that he really liked me etc. He bought me little gifts and really showed he was ready for a good committed relationship....As soon as he returned, things went down hill. I told him I didn't want to start a relationship while we was away but when he came home we'd hopefully get to go on some dates and take things slow. I guess his idea of taking things slow was sex as soon as he got home. If we had been dating before he left then it would have been different, but we hadn't even been on one.....Next thing I know he's too busy to hang out and never has time to text or call me. I wouldn't hear from him until the end of the night when I was going to bed. I would text him to say good morning and wouldn't get anything back until 8-9 pm. I didn't understand why this was happening until he decided he "just wanted to be single for a while" yet was in another relationship within a couple weeks after our break up.

 

It sucks because when I see him, I somehow forget that he is the guy that only broke up with me because I didn't sleep with him right away and I forget that he's jumping into meaning relationships trying to take whatever he can get....and I forget that I deserve better because I just really miss talking to him and I miss looking forward to the "good times" we were supposed to have.

 

After confronting him a couple times about the fact that he was acting different and that I didn't like it, he decided he was done and stopped talking to me...I sent him a few messages and never heard a word back. I even told him that I forgive him and that I hope he is doing well ( a couple months later) and still nothing. Yet because of our jobs we have to see eachother everyday. We don't talk really but we have meetings together and we also have a lot of mutual co worker friends. I hate this because part of me still wants to hold on to the "what if he changes." I know I need to move on but I just don't really know how right now. I have shot down going on dates because I don't want to drag someone else into something im not quite over....What the heck do I do??

 

I guess I just wish he would give me some closure at least. My mind says "maybe one day he'll change his mind" or "maybe he just needs time to realize what he lost." ....He seems totally ok with the break up and it sucks because he was the one that originally came after me....I'd rather him be brutally honest and tell me what he's thinking, rather than just completely ignore me. Its been just over 3 months now and I just want to be over it all, but it's hard when I'm reminded everyday.

 

P.S. In his mind I'm pretty sure he has not even the slightest clue what im really feeling. I hide it VERY well and all I allow myself to show while im around him is self control and happiness.

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Wow, what a tool!

 

Seriously I understand that it hurts to realize the person you've been getting close to by phone and emails all those months ISN'T who you thought he was... but that really does sound like the case here. He sounds like a player -- and you can't expect him to be honest or own up to it because players just don't do that. They heap on the attention for as long as it works for them.... but they switch it off as soon as it stops working.

 

It's hard to have to see him all the time, but people do manage to recover while having to see each other for work or for joint parenting. You CAN get through this!

 

"Closure" is something that you'll give yourself, in time. It happens when you accept that it's over and have really moved on. There's NOTHING any ex can say or do to give you this sense of closure. That's a myth. It comes from YOU.... and it takes time to get there. Please don't use that as an excuse to talk to him about your relationship.

 

I know you probably don't want to hear this now, but.... you don't WANT this guy to change his mind about you. When you have more perspective, you're going to see how he treated you -- and how he probably treats ALL women -- and you're going to be thankful you didn't waste anymore of your precious time on him.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

 

Keep posting -- and thank you for your service!

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I kind of see this from another perspective. I think it's pretty dangerous emotionally to essentially have a pen pal where you get to know each other in writing versus in person. It can build up a lot of false senses of familiarity of expectations. When one is deployed those expectations increase because of the feelings of isolation, home sickness, and lonliness the deployed person might have. So they build up a fantasy.

 

Coming home to a relationship where his fantasy was not fulfilled in whatever ways may have caused him to go elsewhere. I am not saying you should have slept with him; just that you had incompatible expectations.

 

I think you should consider the fact he is in a relationship your closure.

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