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How do I trust again?


Myname

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I used to have zero friends that were girls. I'm a Pokémon nerd, so i kind of accepted the fact that girls could never like me. Since i never knew what love felt like, it barely bothered me. Then in an art class, i met three good looking girls that wanted me to sit with them. After a while, we became friends. We even went to the school dance together. All of them were my dates! I didn't know what to think.

I developed a huge crush on one of the girls. She was infinitely better than the other girls i'd liked in the past. A year went by, and i never said a word. I eventually told her how i felt about her and we went out together. After the date, we both made the decision to stay just friends. I really meant that. But after a while, we just slowly stopped hanging out. I tried to get her to hang out with me and my other friends, but she seemed to be busy 100% of the time. It reached the point where she just doesn't talk to me anymore. I have no idea what happened. I kept blaming myself for her not wanting to talk to me.

One of the other girls became my best friend. We told each other secrets that we told no one else about. I started to notice things. She kept trying to change me. At first she just wanted me to dress differently. it wasn't too big of a problem because it was easy to ignore. Then, she spent a week trying to get me to masturbate, which i had no intention of doing. Once she told me about there being a chance that i'll go to hell (I'm a Christian by the way). Every time we argued, she just said "Keep pushing people away, and you won't have any friends left." That drove me to the point of near suicide. When she heard about it, she said "That's a -ish thing to do." She decided to tell the one person in the school that would least likely keep a secret. I instantly hated her. Even after all that, she still tried to change me. She wanted me to be dependent on her again. I gave her the cold shoulder until she left me alone, but at one point in time, she was my best friend.

I loved a girl too much, and she constantly hurt indirectly. She stopped talking to me without reason.

I hated a girl a lot, and she abused me indirectly. I had to push her away so that I wouldn't have to listen to her.

I feel betrayed on opposite sides of the spectrum.The third girl is still my friend to this day, but i can't help but wonder what she'll eventually do to break my heart. I recently had a crush on this girl, but i asked her out upon knowing her for two weeks just so she'd say no and i could get over it. I can't keep living like this. I keep wishing none of this ever happened, because i never really cared if a girl would ever like me until one did. It was short lived, but it happened. I can't really say a girl will never love me, (and i have my doubts) but i fear the day that one does. I feel like i have to push girls away so i won't be betrayed again. At the same time, i want to make one special girl in my life happy. I can't keep doing what i've been doing. How do i trust again?

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Sounds like you're still pretty young. High school or younger?

 

If so, you're still growing & changing... and so are your friends. Most of you will be very different people in 10 years, or 5 years, or even next year! You didn't even care about girls a year ago... but now you do. See what I mean?

 

So don't judge people too harshly just for changing at your age - you're all trying to figure out who you *really* are... and it's a journey that never really ends, even when you grow old.

 

The first girl liked you as a friend. But maybe since she knew that you wanted more than friendship, she wasn't comfortable hanging out with you under those circumstances. Or maybe she wanted to have a boyfriend, and she felt that a close male friend like you would hurt her chances in getting another guy. Or maybe she just changed, and felt she didn't have much in common with you anymore. It hurts when that happens, but you have to move on and just enjoy the good times you *did* have with her, not be angry that they're over. Because trust me, this will happen many, many, many times through your life with many different people.

 

The second girl liked you a lot, but obviously you and she were on different pages about your friendship, and it turned out you weren't compatible... even as friends. Again, it happens. She shouldn't have told that friend about your suicidal thoughts, but she may have just been concerned for you and wanted advice. Who knows. But I will say this: my father committed suicide, and I did feel it was a selfish thing to do. So don't do it!

 

But don't be afraid to trust, and don't be afraid to confide in someone. Just do your best to make sure your friends are good people at heart. Will you still get hurt from time to time? Absolutely. We ALL get hurt by other people in life.

 

But your true strength will be how much you can still keep your heart open to friendship and love... DESPITE being hurt by people in the past.

 

Look at it this way: if you met a girl who you really liked and she liked you too, how would you feel if she said "I can't love you because another boy hurt me last year." How would you feel? Probably very hurt. Would you want to hurt someone that way yourself? I bet you wouldn't!

 

Good luck man - you will make it through.

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Thanks, that actually helped a lot. I've been given advice about this stuff before, but a majority of it was biased since they knew the people. I just need to see things with different persectives. It's still hard to get over those relationships that i used to have. But i never really think about how i'll feel about it in years to come. And yes, i'm a junior. I still have a lot to learn. I just don't have enough experiences to figure these things out by myself. Thanks for the help Northdallas40

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Obviously this whole being friends with girls thing is not working for you since you keep developing feelings for them which are not platonic.. did anyone ever tell you that if you like a girl, your just supposed to ask her out-not pretend to be her best mate in the hope that she will one day fall for you.

 

I suggest you find some male friends and one gf. You would save yourself a LOT of pain.

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It isn't that i can't be just friends with girls. I actually wanted to be just friends just as much as she did. She just didn't want to be friends with me as much as i wanted her to be. I didn't care that we weren't dating, but she still meant a lot to me.

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