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Struggling with break-up 5 months later


Qwertqwert

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I'm here because I don't have much of a support network currently so things have been really difficult.

 

He is 8 years older than me and we met when I was 19 when I had just moved to a new place.

We were together two years and neat the end of the relationship he cheated on me with another woman , which I forgave only to discover 2 months later he was still seeing her (I do not know if they were having a sexual relationship the second time but they were seeing each other and speaking to each other after I specified I didn't want him to see her anymore).

 

Despite this I miss him terribly. It's been 5 months now and I don't feel any better. I think about him every day, and try to contact him about once a week but he usually doesn't reply. Every now and again he will but not significantly.

 

I worry he's seeing other people, while I'm sat crying over him everyday. I even worry that he's much happier without me, which in a way upsets me more.

 

I don't know how to deal with the whole thing. I am seeing a councillor and am on antidepressants, which hasn't made a noticeable difference. I'm stressed most of the time and because of this have a very short temper, making me a nightmare to be around.

I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to handle the whole thing - I don't have many, if any people to speak to...

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First off, stop trying to contact him...STOP. He cheated on you. I don't care how much you "love" him or not. Cheat is cheat. He doesn't care about you. He's a scum. He does not deserve your love or your attention. HE CHEATED ON YOU...

 

Don't stop taking your meds. It may look like it does not make a difference but believe me, it does. And take one day at a time...Get yourself busy. Meet new people. Do new things. But for christ sake stop trying to reach him.

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You miss him because there's a void in your life that's shaped like him, and that's a hard thing to fill. Especially since he doesn't fit it anymore--he's cheated on you, he doesn't respect you, he doesn't return your feelings. You're in love with and miss the past version of him. You need to recognize that he's not that person anymore, and even he can't make you happy anymore; the little contact you do have with him should show that to you.

 

You need to do new things. Make yourself awesome--become the one that got away. And don't, don't, don't contact him--it's hard to see it now, but he doesn't even deserve the time of day from you after he treated you so poorly. Take your revenge by making yourself happy and completely cutting him off.

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I have similar longing for my ex who treated me badly. It's horrid isn't it?

 

And no one knows what to say to you, you're just this emotional whirlwind that no one seems to be able to fix.

 

He did that to us. He is evil.

 

Do not focus on the anger too much though, you must just try and use your brain more-your brain will be saying "BAD! BAD! BAD!" but your heart's saying "GOOD! GOOD! GOOD!'. Heart gets confused sometimes because it is irrational or something. But you must believe brain. Brain will help you heal. Heart needs healing. Heart cannot heal you, it is hurt. So don't let heart tell you what to do.

 

I like metaphors

 

Anyway, no contact! It does hurt but you need to sort your head out and he needs to feel you have gone out of his life for good. Both our exes do not get to be in our lives now. And I don't know about you, but I am pretty cool actually so he's missing out A LOT. Of course mine is abusive so the better I am the more he hates me...I think he actually would like it if I just laid down and died. That would suit him just fine. But I have to have a good life, screw him! And you should have a good life too. They'll be back. One day. But we will not want them then. Just try and enjoy life on your own without him. You may find you like it

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Oh and I get the short temper thing too. I do that. It's so depressing because you don't want to be mean but you're just in so much pain you get frustrated and don't know where to put the feelings. I'm sure you're not that bad and people will be understanding that you are unhappy at the moment and do that. You're allowed to be a little all over the place. I cerrrttaiinnllyy am. I actually think I should be MORE all over the place around people. I just hide it all away inside myself and am defensive around people. Maybe it would be better to fall apart crying around some people...or not. I've cried on the bus and in public far too many times now. It's very depressing.

 

Anyway! Also, don't worry about what he's doing. I do that too. Just DON'T. Stop yourself. It does not help anything and you do not know the answer anyway. LEAVE IT AT THAT.

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