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Break up because of lack of Sex


unsexed

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I feel horrible for thinking this way. My boyfriend is wonderful, and love each other and he is my best friend. That's the problem, we are friends. We've been together 1.5 years, traveled and go on romantic date nights that end in "goodnight" and a Peck on the cheek sometimes lips. That's it. We're 27 years and 30 years old

 

We have sex 1-2 times a month I orgasm once every 2-3 months. It's been like this from the beginning. He's had this with every girlfriend before.

 

I initiate, get turned down for sex oral sex making out etc. We've talked about it. I've felt like the most unattractive person until I realized HE JUST HAS A REALLY LOW SEX DRIVE. He hadn't been abused, he doesn't watch porn.... He keeps saying it'll get better but:

 

I don't want to beg for sex, I want to be wanted.

 

It's degrading to have to ask your partner "Please be sexually attracted to me"

 

Ideally, I want him to get tested for low testosterone. But how do I say this?

 

Either that or break up. I can't doom myself to a life with just a best friend

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Very insulting, that's why I haven't asked. You're right. Though when he asks "why are we breaking up?" Do I just say is because I don't have sex?

 

Very simple - just tell him you want sex more often than he does, that you've made this known, nothing has changed and that you're not willing to stay in the relationship as it is. Don't imply that he doesn't find you attractive. He does or he wouldn't be with you. You just want sex more often than he does and the two of you have been unable to compromise.

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Some people do just have a lower sex drive than others.

 

I was in a similar relationship. He didn't particularly enjoy oral sex and we rarely had sex. I figured I couldn't live my life without a regular, healthy sex life and feeling wanted so we split.

 

Also i don't think it's insulting to see if there is potential health issues causing a low sex drive.

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Break up, you deserve to be worshiped like a sex goddess and not chasing your man down and feeling unattractive. It CAN be his testosterone, but I don't know if you really want to hang around to find out or if he has other issues. I wouldn't wait to find out.

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Also i don't think it's insulting to see if there is potential health issues causing a low sex drive.

 

I agree. A reasonable person should be able to understand that sex drive is nothing personal.

 

Also, I do not believe that having a low sex drive is a good excuse not to satisfy your partner sexually.

 

If he truly cares about you, he will do what it takes to satisfy your needs. Whether that means something like hormone therapy or finding some sort of substitute for vaginal intercourse, he should be willing to make the effort.

 

And no, wanting sex does not make you selfish or anything like that.

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You address the lack of sex with him, ask him to please check with his doctor to make sure nothing medically is going on.

 

I had the same problem, boyfriend didn't really want sex that much and had erection issues as well. He went to the doctor and they found everything wrong with him. We are scheduled for a kidney transplant in Feb due to kidney failure. Don't ever underestimate what medical conditions can do to someone's sex drive.

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Unless they're taking care of young children, the house, and working in which case it is probably the lowest it will ever be in their life until menopause.

 

I must be different to other women then, I am 51 & have never had a decrease in my sex drive, even while working, looking after a house and 2 kids

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You have only been together 1.5 years. If he thought there may be a medical issue he would have visited a doctor way before he met you. Its not your problem and you cant change him. Your not compatable sexually so stop trying to fix it. It has been this way since you met him which was a red flag and you ignored it.. and its not going to get any better.

 

Break up

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Pl3ase help, im sorry if that's your case. Vertu very sorry. But ley me tell you. .. My mother ran a household has 3 kids 1 yr apart and was simultaneously getting her Masters and we poor kids heard them banging ALLL THE TIME middle of day etc. They're still at it (gross) they're 64/61 years old now I also know plenty of younger couple middle and couples and older couples the house very similar stories couples need sex to be a couple

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Pl3ase help, im sorry if that's your case. Vertu very sorry. But ley me tell you. .. My mother ran a household has 3 kids 1 yr apart and was simultaneously getting her Masters and we poor kids heard them banging ALLL THE TIME middle of day etc. They're still at it (gross) they're 64/61 years old now I also know plenty of younger couple middle and couples and older couples the house very similar stories couples need sex to be a couple

 

Middle of the day? Most adults are at work then. Since your parents were somehow both fortunate enough to have their days free, I can understand why they are unusual.

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Pl3ase help, im sorry if that's your case. Vertu very sorry. But ley me tell you. .. My mother ran a household has 3 kids 1 yr apart and was simultaneously getting her Masters and we poor kids heard them banging ALLL THE TIME middle of day etc. They're still at it (gross) they're 64/61 years old now I also know plenty of younger couple middle and couples and older couples the house very similar stories couples need sex to be a couple

 

Older people are sexual beings too

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I'm having the same problem... 7 years, no more sex. I'm not good at talking about it, everytime I lose my words and train of thoughts...

 

I've started a diary to write my feelings and thoughts and I want him to read it so that he understands what's going on in my head.

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