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How long should I wait ?


chr8st8na

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a month ago i started talking to a fellow gamer... ive known he lived nearby (next town) but never pursued talking to him, plus i saw a lot of females talking to him and it just seem like he was there to flirt and get crazy. any way a month ago, i dont know how we started talking but we did on this social app and we hit it off. at first i was being cautious but the more we talked the more i realize how funny and sweet person he is. so for a whole month, every single night we would be chatting for 4-5 hours or until one of us had to go sleep lol... I can honestly say I never had that much of a connection with anyone like him. I know so much about him and I have never let my guards down liek with him- and by that I mean, just talk about random things. Im usually the type to keep my random thoughts to myself. He makes me laugh all the time and he sings to me when i'm tired or mad. Heres the thing, he has hinted many times that we should hang out. I have let him know I would like to keep things simple right now and maybe at least three months of talking then maybe we can start hanging out. He said ok he understands but he reassured me that he wasn't trying to pursue a relationship and he thinks that if its meant to be, it will be. I agree with him but for some reason I had a feeling he was a lil down I gave a waiting time to hang out. Any way i lost my phone this weekend and so I bought a nu phone and had to reinstall the social app and I couldn't find him and I couldn't get my old acct back. Any way, I emailed him and told him what happened and if he can add me on the app again with my nu acct. That was saturday. He hasn't added me or responded. The only reason why I have his email is because he has sent me songs he sang and played his guitar for me .... I'm starting to worry that he might not be interested any more. How long should I wait before I give up on waiting?

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Three months is a ridiculous amount of time to purposely put off meeting when you two live so close, only a town away. I think most people in his shoes would think you are not seriously interested in transitioning this offline and into in person. I know I sure would think that. I'm not saying he should go cold on you, but honestly I don't blame him if he has started backing off after hearing this. I'd wait a bit longer and see if you gets back to you, it's only been a couple of days.

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That Three month limit would have me seeing a Giant Red Flag on things, so I can see were he may ghost on you. If you want to step things up with what contact you have (email) ask him to call you to talk some time soon (give some dates and times). Otherwise you may have to write him off.

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I really did not think 3 months was long but I guess if people feel that way then he might have did too. & No I can't keep emailing him and asking for something. It will seem a lil desperate and I am more of the type to ask once and leave it open.

 

Can I ask, why do you want to take it that slow to meet? You could take things easy getting to know him in person, too. You have already talked to him so much in one month.

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You want him to wait 3 months just to meet you in person?? That's a loooong time ....especially since you live in the next town over. I would be thinking 'if she wants me to wait this long for a meeting, its always gonna be a game....2 months for a kiss, 6 months for anything more than a kiss'. I would also see that as a huge red flag and keep myself moving. I can't think of any good reason someone wouldn't want to meet me for 3 months and would not spend every day speaking to them for hours if they weren't going to make a return on that kind of investment of time/energy.

Sorry...I agree with everyone else. Three months is next season!

He probably assumes you're not really who you say you are or have something huge to hide. That's what I would think and people that put you off like that continue to put you off. That might not have been your plan but that might be what he thought (that's what I'd think).

Too much catfishing out there to pass that red flag by.

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People get married in three months sometimes!!

 

This is moving at a snails pace just to meet up. Are you worried about anything in particular? Have you had any past bad experiences? Not sure if its relevant but I think it is, do you both game together? If so on what game!

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Can I ask, why do you want to take it that slow to meet? You could take things easy getting to know him in person, too. You have already talked to him so much in one month.

 

true.... I guess it's because of insecurities. I got out of a bad long relationship almost a year ago and I have been enjoying my single status and the no pressure of trying to impress anyone. Also insecurities because of him... he's so good with the ladies. Very popular, silly, goodlooking and smart. I just thought maybe he's trying to smitten me because he's done it with all the ladies already but... the more I get to know him the more I don't think thats true. He has told me that if I ever stop talking to him he will miss me and wonder about me a lot. I will give the 'meet up' a try if he does respond to me.

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and when i said he's good with the ladies.. he flirts but he says its just to make other ppl feel good about themselves lol... but he did admit he has talked and hung out with a few of the ladies in real life before. sooo... that kind of rubs me the wrong way because i never approved of ppl using online gaming as eharmony, but thats just me.

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Just wanted to update... he emailed me back and said he was sorry and he doesnt check his email a lot. but i gave him my number too and we been texting each other back and forth nonstop silly things. i admit, im having butterflies hope this helps alleviate some of the 'red flag' feelings he might have had with me. im thinking about having him call me soon to see if our communication is as good as typing/texting.

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yay =)

 

yes, call each other, meet up, get real. cr8st8na, life is way too short to be spent hurting over the past, afraid of the shadows in the walls because they might be the ghosts haunting you. watch for the signs of pattern repetition and avoid them, but don't lock yourself too long. butterflies are priceless =)

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Yea!! Glad to hear that. Give the guy a break....meet up and definitely don't let the past affect your present. You have a real gift in that you're NOT in a bad situation *right now*...that's over. It's all done. Move forward with confidence and ENJOY your butterflies!!

People meet all kinds of ways and no reason gaming wouldn't be one of them so try not to judge and just see how he treats YOU.

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Yesterday we talked for the first time on the phone. Lots of laughs like usual and almost an hour of chit chatting. He said he was surprised how sweet I sound. Well any way today I text him good morning and a funny link and he hasn't responded all day today. guess maybe it was either my voice or mannerism (but i swear was sweet and easy going) or maybe he doesn't want to rush things. What can it be??

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Fyi he responded to me yest via text - said hes super tired and busy- graveyd shifts. Which i answered was ok. Get this vibe that he might not b interested or he want to slow things down. Im confused and i dont think it really had anything to do with my voice or my conversation skillls on the phone... But ill jus take it for what it is and not bother him so things will become less hazy.

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