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How many Day 1 can a person endure?!

 

I feel so pathetic!

 

NC is difficult because we have shared custody of our dogs. I have decided that it is best to not respond to him unless it's related to our dogs. Yet, when he texted me yesterday with something along the lines of "how's the weather treating you…are you doing alright?" and then called me, I mistakenly responded and spent a few tearful hours with him on the phone. Reliving the painful rejection conversation over and over again.

 

He has moved on with someone else. He thinks he's in love with her. Even if he's not with her, he won't come back to me.

 

I never fully understood "Killing me softly with his words" until now.

 

So today commences day one all over again.

 

Why didn't I just respond to his request on swapping doggie care days via text? Why did I not ignore his calls?!

Why am I such a f*cking masochist!?

I'm doing this to myself, I know, so why can't I stop this f*ckery already!

 

He's picking up the pups on Wednesday. All I can think of is what I will wear. What I will look like. What I will say. Hopeful for something I know will not materialize simply because I will it to.

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It's all fresh right now and I think the hardest time. I and many of us have been there. Oh...I remember plotting our first meetup, wow was it perfection. Everything I did...said, preplanned, everything I brought...wore...preplanned. Everything had a signal, message, meaning, trigger. She picked up on almost all of it. She was impressed...didn't matter...didn't matter one bit.

 

Try to refocus yourself, with animals its tough...I was so shattered that I figured what's a little more pain...I gave up my pets too since she really wanted them, she wanted to share them but I couldn't bare interacting or seeing her anymore. Even though those moments in the beginning, I always appreciated them because it's like a lottery, I believed while I was in contact there was this 1/100000000 chance of something happening, something I say, something to trigger her. Like in the Dumb and Dumber movie...

Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?

Mary: Not good.

Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?

Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.

[pause]

Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance... *YEAH!*

 

I actually quoted that movie during our breakup, since she couldn't say there is no chance whatsoever...so I kept saying OK so there's a chance. Later on I realized I didn't want a chance anymore. That was the biggest step in healing.

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Don't beat yourself up over breaking NC, we've all done it at one time or another. The good thing is you are willing to start over again (and again and again until you get it right!). I agree with trying to find a liaison for the pup swap. Being in contact verbally is hard enough, but to see him physically, especially with your feelings still being as intense as they are, won't do you any good no matter how much prettying up you do.

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Don't beat yourself up over breaking NC, we've all done it at one time or another. The good thing is you are willing to start over again (and again and again until you get it right!).

 

Tomorrow will be NC Day 1 all over again.

I am such a masochist.

I will get this right!!!

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You're not pathetic don't you worry ....there are stories on here that would

make your hair curl of what people do/want to do

 

 

you need a middle man for the swap over of your fur babies ..can a friend or parents be at yours to meet him ..save yourself this hell

 

I don't have anyone who lives close enough to me to be the liaison. I have the keys to his house, so technically I can drop them off when he's not there, but the last time I was there I saw mementos of the new girl laying about, and went home and cried like a baby.

 

I am thinking of giving him a key to mine so he can pick up and drop them off here, just so I don't have to see that . Then again, I don't know if that's a good idea either.

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Try to refocus yourself, with animals its tough...I was so shattered that I figured what's a little more pain...I gave up my pets too since she really wanted them, she wanted to share them but I couldn't bare interacting or seeing her anymore.

 

Many people have advised me to give up my pups, but I've had them since they were puppies, and breaking them up just because we broke up is kind of a cop out IMHO … just because Mom & Dad can't work their issues out, our kids have to take the brunt of it? I have also read stories that people who do break up and can move on can enjoy the two weeks on two weeks off schedule, not get burned out, benefit from free doggie day care, etc. This is ideal, granted I have to be able to move on and release all my desire of him to the winds.

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Tomorrow will be NC Day 1 all over again.

I am such a masochist.

I will get this right!!!

 

No, you are not a masochist, you are a woman in love and you are human. You've resigned yourself to the fact that you will keep trying until you get it right, be proud of that. It doesn't matter how many times you fall as long as you are willing to keep getting up.

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