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Difference between no-chemistry and no interest.


radiohead20

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I have been thinking here, I have had dates where I felt there was good communication over the initial meeting or over texting, but felt like I did not get good feedback once we went on a date. The first conclusion I would jump to and that we all jump is that there is a lack of communicative chemistry, but how can you tell if its lack of communicative chemistry OR if the other person does not have an interest and would prefer to keep communication short/just being nice. If you do not have interest in talking to the other person your conversations are going to be held back and stale since you have no interest and thus no chemistry via communication will develop. I have the ability to get along with pretty much anyone upon first meeting them, I'm very open and relaxed so when I go on a date where I am getting cold feedback or little feedback from the other person I attribute it to more of lack of interest than lack of chemistry.

 

I guess background - I went on a date last night (first one in a long long long time) but I was pretty drained/rushed from the weekend. On top of that, she was very attractive and immediately I felt like she was a little disappointing and she was expecting a sexier looking guy, I could tell by her facial expressions/attitude when she met me.

 

Whaddya guys/gals thinks?

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I avoid judging communication/talkativeness on the first date or two. Most people will get shy, tongue tied, or otherwise very nervous, so an initial date can be rough in that respect and difficult to read. If I'm otherwise interested, I'll let them know that I'd like to see them again and go from there. Either we are on the same page or not. I don't think it's very smart to try and read what someone else is really thinking - you have no way of knowing. The only thing you know is what you think, feel, and want and you should proceed accordingly and let the other person clue you in more directly. Like if you want another date, ask for it. Either she'll say yes and things will go better or she'll say no and that's that. Either way, you not living off of wild guesses.

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I would avoid making these kinds of assumptions. I have been told that my first impression can come off as snobby or arrogant...the reality is I'm just shy. When you make assumptions about people like this, it gets confusing, it's like having to read someone's mind...you can't tell by her facial expressions. Dating doesn't have to be so full of innuendos...just say what you feel and what you want...ask her to go out again if you would like to go out again...tell her you had a good time if you had a good time...that sorta thing.

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I guess I'm confused about what the difference is? If I feel no chemistry with someone, well logically, I won't be that interested in them. If I'm not interested in them...I'm obviously not feeling any chemistry or I would be interested/attracted by the *spark* of it all.

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Is there such a thing as "communicative" chemistry? I think there is chemistry and there is good communication/communication.

 

If you have a chemistry with someone you will naturally start to communicate well with them.

 

If there is no chemistry, it will be evident by the interaction between two people. Communication isn't always done vocally. There is a lot to be said for "body language". If there is enough initial interest, then both chemistry and a relaxed communication will eventually build between two people.

 

If that doesn't happen or, more specifically, if the communication is staid or even "cold", then I would say there was no interest or spark there to begin with and that it is unlikely that anything will build further.

 

All that said, some people can still commumicate well with you even if they don't feel the spark or chemistry to take things to another level.

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