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I think he only loves the relationship


Cerenna

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Hey everyone,

 

I've been trouble getting my partner to express love...or well, any feelings at all actually. He barely ever smiles around me, he refuses to be public about our relationship, he lets his friends and family walk all over me... he just really doesn't give the feeling that he loves me yet he insists he does. There's the rare outburst of affection, but mostly us spending time together is us being in the same room, at best.

 

Anytime I try to bring up an issue with him he goes into freak out mode until I back down, no matter how small the issue is. For example, if I say "I would really like it if you could be a bit kinder" I get "Fine! We should just break up then seeing as you obviously hate me!". Every damn time, I get bullied into not bringing up issues lest he break up with me, even when there's a really simple solution.

 

I'm walking on eggshells because of these freakouts and can't ask him about how he actually feels about me, it'd ridiculous!

 

It's a bit hard to post full details as I think he may still use ENA from time to time, but I really need advice here, so I'll try to provide additional details where needed.

 

What do guys?

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Wow.

 

I think you should leave. He's manipulating you emotionally with the freakouts, and you having to wring any semblance of affection out of him is terrible. If he can't tell or show you how he feels, and if he can't make you feel safe enough to express your thoughts and feelings around him, then what can you actually build a relationship on?

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Problem is, I love with everything I have. I'm more attached to him than a limpet! I think I know you're right, I just don't want you to be.

 

I failed to bring up he has anxiety issues and he tells me that's why he struggles with emotions, though I don't know if I believe that

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Why would you want that? He's using you and you're allowing it.

 

Well, the sex part is good and I love doting on people. Plus the affection is great on the rare occasions I get it. I really want that to be enough for me, because I love him so much, I just don't know if it can last.

 

I was hoping for there to be a way to make it work, though you guys are normally right... I hate it when you're right

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They constantly insult me when I'm over, the go on about how I'm not bred well enough for their darling boy (while I'm in the room) and whenever something has to be done they rock up at our house and say "Oh, Cere' can come help, if she wants to marry into our family she's going to have to pull her weight" (they normally then joke about how I have a lot of weight to pull). It goes from me being on my day off at work to his mother and Grandmother telling me I'll come and load/unload trailers for them if I want to stay with their boy. It's not like they do anything for me, and it's my turn to help out. They hate me, and make it known, I've been banned from the family home and they tried to ban me from his birthday dinner. I banned them from my house because it's my chillout zone but his mum always says "if you don't let me in, I'll poo my pants" then decides to stay despite me telling her (and him) that I want her out.

 

He says he doesn't like it, but doesn't want to get involved. He's very non-confrontational, stupidly so.

 

And he won't cuddle me in public or around friends, even though everyone knows we've been together for two years now. He won't let me put myself as "in a relationship" on FB (and yes, "oh no facebook! However will you cope" but my reasons is because people keep flirting and I don't like it) he won't call me his girlfriend to others. He always says "my friend". He uses the term girlfriend at home though.

 

I hope that explains it a bit more ^^;

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You can do SO.Much.Better!

 

I know you probably won't take my words to heart but my twin sister is in the same situation, actually now she's realized that he IS a jerk and she needs to leave but she has made her life so (she has a dog she refuses to give up) that its super hard to leave. She's unhappy every day and it kills the ones around her knowing she's so miserable.

 

There are so many wonderful people out there who will show you outward affection, be open with you, and actually love you in return. I hate seeing people settling for jerks like your partner.

 

If you are unhappy more than 3 days a week and you cannot be open with your partner, its time to leave.

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The family thing would have been it for me, he's allowing them to disrespect you. They don't have to like you, but they don't have to be disrespectful.

 

I honestly wouldn't be anywhere around them, now or ever. You do realize that if you stay with him, this is your life as you know it for many years to come.

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