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Today marks the 7th month mark of me leaving.

 

NC is a tricky thing, because we have shared custody of our dogs. I currently have them. I picked them up on 12/3, after a tearful confrontation about how I still loved him, only for him to tell me that he has moved on and that I should stop crying because it's not the end of the world.

 

12/6 He called me. I did not pick up. He texted that he was calling to check in on how things were going. I presumed he meant the dogs. I responded with they were doing alright and wished him good luck on his finals next week. He said thanks. Later that night, I felt compelled to talk to him. The nights always get to me. I texted him "Hey" to no avail.

 

12/7 He texted me back: "Hi. Sorry didn't check my messages all day and my phone died." Then four hours later, "Everything OK?" I responded an hour later with a simple "Yes." under the presumption that he was addressing the dogs.

 

I know that he has been occupied with whatever he has going on in his life, which is probably the new girl he's moved on with, and essentially the reason why he didn't bother to respond to me the night before.

 

12/8 *Today* he texted me: "Hi. How's the weather treating you? Are you doing alright?"

 

I want to respond. I have not responded.

 

It breaks my heart, but replaying what he had to say to me … "I've moved on. I don't want to be with you anymore" … are helpful reminders that there is nothing left to say. So I have decided that unless he addresses our dogs, I will not respond.

 

Still, I feel terrible. I'm constantly checking my phone. When there are no messages, I feel terrible. When the messages are curt, I feel terrible. When they aren't curt and are actual complete sentences asking if I am doing alright, I grow hopeful that he is asking about me because he is starting to miss me, and that, too, leaves me feeling terrible.

 

I want to stop hurting.

So badly, I want to stop hurting.

And it is all I can do to not blow my own head off just to stop hurting.

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How often do you switch off w/ the dogs? Is there a friend or family member who can do the transfer for you when you trade?

 

I think NC would be great for you. Maybe give him a heads up so he won't text or call you. Just say so and so will be bringing the dogs back to you and I'll only contact you if there's an emergency w/ the dogs, otherwise you can assume all is well and ask him to only contact if it's an emergency w/ the dogs. It's hard and painful at first but every time you see him or talk/text it brings up pain so it's time to stop the contact. It doesn't sound like you're in a place where you can just be friends w/ him and that's ok.

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting so bad right now and I know it's hard to not call or text when the feelings get so overwhelming. It does get easier over time, thank goodness.

 

Seek out friends and family to do things with to help take your mind off of him. Do things to take care of yourself and things that make you feel good.

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It breaks my heart, but replaying what he had to say to me … "I've moved on. I don't want to be with you anymore" … are helpful reminders that there is nothing left to say. So I have decided that unless he addresses our dogs, I will not respond.

 

NC is definitely for the best but there is no point in randomly texting him late at night with a "hey", especially when it gets ignored anyway. NC is to benefit you, though of course it doesn't feel like that initially, but going to the effort of ignoring him means you aren't achieving anything if you are then going to end up reaching out to him of your own accord. For your own benefit you need to have strict NC. As you have discovered any form of contact from him leaves you feeling hurt. NC really does help you gain strength.

 

Still, I feel terrible. I'm constantly checking my phone. When there are no messages, I feel terrible. When the messages are curt, I feel terrible. When they aren't curt and are actual complete sentences asking if I am doing alright, I grow hopeful that he is asking about me because he is starting to miss me, and that, too, leaves me feeling terrible.

 

Time IS a healer … of that there is no doubt. It WILL get easier. Soon you will stop checking your phone every few minutes and expecting/hoping that every text or email you do receive will be from him.

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