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2 dates in 3 days - too fast?


Misaki27

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So, I'm starting a new thread in continuation of:

 

This guy has apparently broken up with his gf of 1 and a half years, almost 4 months ago. He wants to learn about my past, tell my parents about him and go on a second date tomorrow.

Now my question is: could it be that he's moving too fast or is it that I haven't been in a relationship for so long and have forgotten what it's like? Also, we haven't kissed; just some playful touching.

 

I'm starting to worry that I'm just a rebound. I'm ok with him not being completely over his ex, but I don't want to start a relationship in this given circumstance.

What do you think?

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I don't think 2 dates in 3 days is that fast if someone really liked the first date. Wanting to know about your past also I don't find weird (I imagine he didn't ask anything VERY private?)...I ask guys stuff about their past on a first date if I like them. The part about telling your parents about him does seem strange to me...tell what about him? That you've been on one date?

Don't overthink the fact that he broke up 4 months ago. I had met my ex husband practically on the same month I'd broken up with my b/f of 1 year. If you want to make sure you're not a rebound, just make sure you take things slow and don't start a relationship before you're ready for it. Noone can force you to have a relationship, it's up to you. Get to know him more, go on 3,4,5 dates and see how you feel around him. The more you get to know him, the more of a feel you'll get about how he feels about his ex and whether he genuinely likes you or you're just a rebound.

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So, I'm starting a new thread in continuation of:

 

This guy has apparently broken up with his gf of 1 and a half years, almost 4 months ago. He wants to learn about my past, tell my parents about him and go on a second date tomorrow.

Now my question is: could it be that he's moving too fast or is it that I haven't been in a relationship for so long and have forgotten what it's like? Also, we haven't kissed; just some playful touching.

 

I'm starting to worry that I'm just a rebound. I'm ok with him not being completely over his ex, but I don't want to start a relationship in this given circumstance.

What do you think?

 

I don't think 2 dates in 3 days is too bad if you are both comfortable with it .... but I do wonder why he needs to make specific points of wanting to learn more about your past and you telling your parents about him (given that you have only had the one date so far - am I right in thinking that the 2nd date is tonight?) and it does come accross as a tad needy or insecure. These are things that you will naturally discuss as time goes on and you become more interested in each other.

 

And what is there to tell your parents at this point anyway?

 

I think the main point here is not to let him rush you into anything. Take things slowly until you can learn a bit more about him.

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I seriously doubt that you're a rebound after 4 months ago. If it was 4 days ago or 4 weeks ago, then yeah, especially on an 18 month relationship.

 

How do you feel about him? Are you sure you're in the headspace to date?

 

I agree with Missmarple that him asking you questions in an of itself isn't strange. He doesn't know you. He's getting to know you. Nothing wrong with that. It shows he's interested in you. Not only that, but it shows that he's seeing if you two are even compatible and that is a very good thing. Too many relationships proceed with a whole lot of assumptions and speculation and people being afraid to open their dash darn mouth and ask a freakin' question. Then they come here after they've whipped themselves into a froth over "what does he mean when he says", etc., when all they needed to do was to stop speculating and ask the bloody question.

 

Telling your parents about him isn't the same as meeting your parents. He would like to be accepted by those who love you most.

 

I dunno... it seems that on this thread and the other, you're looking for reasons to bail, so just bail. It doesnt' sound like you're ready for this.

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I dunno... it seems that on this thread and the other, you're looking for reasons to bail, so just bail. It doesnt' sound like you're ready for this.

 

I thought that too.

 

Also, second guessing everything they do (or ask) right from the outset is going to make this or ANY relationship too much hard work!

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I'm sorry if I gave off the wrong impression. We are set to meet tomorrow, not tonight. He said he thinks it's ok to still care about someone in your past, but that he is finding something so much greater in someone else (i.e. me) and he is finding he made the right choice.

He didn't ask to meet my parents, just asked if I told them about our date, to which I said "yes" and he replied: "great, that's what you should do".

 

I find him very charming and I feel comfortable around him. Also, he is looking for a quieter place for tomorrow evening, as I'm guessing he wants to kiss me or something.

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I think it's a bit too fast that he thinks he's found someone better when he knows his pairs of socks far far better than he knows you. I don't think it's rebound but I do think he has this image of you/idealizing you because after one date you're mostly a stranger for long term purposes (yes even if you typed and talked before). I find it a bit controlling/patronizing that he "approved" of your decision to tell your parents unless you're both very religious I guess. I'd see him again but take things at a reasonable pace.

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Honestly some of this comes off as strange. Wanting to know about your past is normal. I've been seeing a guy for the past several months and we met right around the 4 month mark past my breakup and I definitely do NOT view him as a rebound. I think your biggest concern should be him getting really excited about this date already and how he said he's finding something so much greater in you. After one date, I'm not sure how anyone could feel that way. I'm also worried he might break out the lovey dovey statements far too early which is a big red flag if he's already saying this to you after one date. I've had AMAZING first dates, a couple which had very real and genuine connections on the first date and never, ever thought this until I got to know the person more.

 

Also the approval on your parents knowing him is really strange. Don't ignore these things. It's not a reason to bail but already having these 2 weird things after a first date is something you should not ignore. Take it slow.

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I too find some of this a bid 'odd'. I don't know WHY he'd be mentioning YOUR parents at all in this?

Take it slow!

IF it some sort of 'rebound', he WILL try to rush things way too fast. Of course, meeting up with someone new is always exciting.

When a new relationship starts, things are always in the UP and things are always so great & exciting. He will think VERY highly of you etc. BUT_ If you start hearing BIG future plans from him or 'love' within the next month or two, HE is NOT thinking in the right mind at all!

 

This is when you'd want to seriously back down and take another look. As, for sure, he is NOT fully over her to the extent he's moving on safely. Mentally or emotionally....

 

Take it easy- go for another date but just be aware of this as a possibility. (search rebound relationships- if you haven't).

 

Good luck

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