At the most important crossroads in my life...

[Ajaxajax1981]

Hey guys and girls (first time I've spoken on forums with girls for a while)

 

I'm at the most important crossroads in my entire life. I want to bear some things that I didn't even want to mention on my men's only chat forum - partly, because some do not appear as understanding or as sympathetic as what I'd expect them to be in situations similar to mine.

 

I'll try to keep my situation as brief as I can, but with enough detail to show how drastic my situation has become:

- I probably am now suffering from depression, even though my family never wants to acknowledge it and some GP's didn't take my condition seriously enough. I've been copping it even on a supposedly supportive depression forum. I'm even having big trouble even wanting to get up even on some workdays. My psychologist is becoming increasingly concerned about my situation because of several factors)

- These factors are:

- I've grown extremely apathetic (even hateful) of my city, Adelaide, to the point where I want to move to another city, Perth (both in Australia), fast. Yet, I can't move fast for three reasons...1. I don't quite have enough money saved up (everyone cares about money, don't they?), 2. My father is looking at potential jail time that would force me to look after my mother and help in running his businesses in his absence...at a time when I can't handle Adelaide any longer, 3. I need to develop a bit more experience in my work before I move on with a second job. If Dad doesn't get jail, I have to hold on for another four months or so. If Dad does get jail...Farewell, Perth

- I've found my family and many other people in Adelaide to be apathetic towards me (at best). I feel that I can't go to too many public places and talk to people because even if I acted confident and happy, people wouldn't respect that and keep giving me strange looks, not talking to me postively etc. The reverse happened in Perth after I became more self confident and even lost 20 kg. All that hard work didn't mean s**t in Adelaide. My family also tried to get me to do everything around the house on top of my work...and then tell me "everyone does it", so "tough luck". And, after a contact of my Dad's told him of my move to Perth, my family treated me like I've murdered and cut up an innocent kid the WHOLE NIGHT!!! I kept on having my family trying hard to talk me out of moving saying "it's the same everywhere", "you'll be all on your own" etc etc

- I've felt very disillusioned about my chances of finding a partner in Adelaide (I'm still single at 32 and never had a serious partner...only got my first adult French kiss in Perth back in May). I thought Adelaide and Perth were meant to have the same sorts of people, but one week in Perth resulted in two dates with the same chic, getting a number from a second chic and being invited to give a contact number to some English folks for a third chic to call. Adelaide gave me NONE of that courtesy!

- I've been under massive pressure at work. One of my bosses treats me like a little kid breaking something if I did something that was not what she's seeking. I've also been treated by some coworkers as if I've never worked hard enough...despite me working the equal most in the whole place. And, some coworkers kept making my work harder, but only got hired because they're either on work experience or on wage subsidy programmes!

- I've become extremely angry about me being held back in my progression in life. I'm 32 and only just started my career 3 years ago after 12 straight years of university (it should have been no more than six). Ended up with not many friends, losing one potential girlfriend after another - a girl I fell in love most got married to a guy who took her from right under my nose, had to forgo perhaps $700,000 in lost income...important if, for example, you need to spend an average of $8,000 on a girl's engagement ring...and have two university degrees (out of three) that are now just glorified toilet paper!!! And had to pull out of another degree programme because of "personality clashes" being disguised as communication problems!

 

I feel much stronger with my own self-belief and confidence in myself. Amazingly, I've even come to feel at peace with my mixed ethnicity (Italian/Australian)...I even figured out the biggest reason why I was hesitant to have an Australian partner...I've got one mother (who's Australian)...I don't want another!!!

 

But, I still feel dragged down by so much apathy and depression coming from all this disrespect and lack of genuine care and concern, and everything appearing to go wrong with myself. A move to Perth would energise myself right up and open up so many possibilities. But, I still feel that it takes one up from anyone in Adelaide to snatch that dream away. And, that if my Dad were to ever go to jail, I would declare war on Adelaide.

 

I want to let out my frustration and hope that it would be read by people with enough heart to understand where I'm coming from.

 

Thanks.

[junebug123]

Ended up with not many friends, losing one potential girlfriend after another - a girl I fell in love most got married to a guy who took her from right under my nose, had to forgo perhaps $700,000 in lost income...important if, for example, you need to spend an average of $8,000 on a girl's engagement ring...and have two university degrees (out of three) that are now just glorified toilet paper!!! And had to pull out of another degree programme because of "personality clashes" being disguised as communication problems!

 

To be honest, i have no idea what any of that means. You need a degree to date women where you from, is that what you are saying and that because she left you, money you spent on degrees from university are worthless?

 

I am not sure what you are looking for to vent or for advice, it seems the former.

[Ajaxajax1981]

Sorry, delacrank...

 

I was detailing the many consequences of me being held back from getting a career through university. I was meant to say that I received such disrespect that, through the crap I had trying to get a career:

- I didn't get many friendships

- I lost that girl from earlier

- I ended up losing $700,000 in lost income through not starting my career as normal

- I had to go through a third degree after I pulled out of the second course and had the degree of the first course (and its Honours degree) being worth no more than toilet paper

- I got out of the second course because of some uni staff giving me "personality clashes" and then relabelled them as "communication problems" to justify me failing that course

 

The first and second consequence happened because of the insecurity I had from Adelaide in general and from being held back from me making a living.

 

I wanted to both vent and seek advice...or at least some insight from others...

[junebug123]

Well if you want advice that is simple, you are running away from your problems instead of trying to tackle them. Your parents are right >> " I kept on having my family trying hard to talk me out of moving saying "it's the same everywhere", "you'll be all on your own" etc etc " >> people are basically the same everywhere. The main differences is types of jobs available, cultural differences, language, taxes and maybe laws/environment. I think your main problem is trying to find purpose in this life. What are you seeking in Perth that you couldn't find in Adelaide.

 

Your other problem is also your fear of your father going to jail and leaving you with the responsibilities of your family. You need to think deep and wonder what your life will be like if you abandon your mother in her time of need. Also, maybe working in your fathers business isn't that bad, of course you don't have to do these things but you could at least make an attempt to see if it would be something you could manage even for a short period of time until other arrangements are made. Life is sometimes about making tough decisions and compromising your hopes and dreams, we find clarity in owning up to challenges and they make us become better people.

 

I think you will find that taking time to sit down and talk to your family about your feelings will help you understand your own feelings about the situation better. If you decide to leave understand the challenges you will face in Perth and accept them as your new reality. Sometimes decisions we make can actually make our lives harder.

[Ajaxajax1981]

I have had an EXHAUSTIVE time trying to tackle my problems head on...people, including my own family, are finding it hard to accept that I am trying my best with dealing with these things. I've simply become more depressed and frustrated from all this. What am I seeking in Perth that I couldn't find in Adelaide? Genuine purpose, worth and respect. Even my psychologist told me that I need to leave.

 

As for making tough decisions and compromising my hopes and dreams, I feel I have done a lot of that already. I simply don't get why is it that I have to be 10 years behind with everything that others do with their own lives...how might that have made me a better person?

 

I've been dealing with parts of my father's business (even though I also work full time as a professional). As for me "leaving my mother in her time of need", if Dad goes to jail, I'll stay around...but I don't know how I would cope, especially when my patience for Adelaide has run out. I've spoken about my feelings with my family, but they've simply said "you're just talking rubbish".

 

As for accepting the challenges of Perth as my upcoming new reality, I'm preparing myself for that. And, I've already had some experience in Perth. And, let me tell you, the reality in Perth beats the reality in Adelaide for dead.

[SooSad33]

Hi Ajax,

 

I feel for you. I feel you just have WAY too much to deal with and your mentality & patience is running thin now.

You're starting to feel overwhelmed in many area's and I think YOU now need to 'slow down' and 'take hold of your life'

 

For what you're family is saying to you? Re: Talking rubbish? Sounds like they don't understand and making YOU feel slightly worthless... right?

 

Like you have said

>> "I don't know how I would cope"

You're admitting it. It's becoming too much for you now and this is NOT what you're wanting in your life, at this time... but you WANT to carry on. And you feel pressured that you must stay?

 

You are becoming depressed because of the pressures/expecting to do 'for them', and it's bringing you down.

Now- If you're psych are telling you to leave, what if you did?

What if you just say "enough, i'm going' and plan on that come the new year (maybe next month or 2?)

Then, maybe your parents WILL come to realize YOU do mean business and YOU do have this right to take care of YOU and your own needs- as this IS your life.

 

I can see Perth as being YOUR future and I feel you should just go for it.

As your dad may come to realize you are serious, HE can find someone else to take over & deal with his business.

It is NOT your fault for your dad's 'jail business' or your mother's needs.. (are you an only child?).

 

My parents would NEVER expect me to take over all of their issues.

[Ajaxajax1981]

Hi SooSad...thanks for your input.

 

I feel that my patience hasn't worn thin...it's run out!

 

I do feel the need to "slow down". Hence, my intention to move to Perth. Ideally, I felt like shutting down all responsibilities for a couple of months just to, perhaps, stop the vicious cycle from repeating itself.

 

For what you're family is saying to you? Re: Talking rubbish? Sounds like they don't understand and making YOU feel slightly worthless... right?

 

Yeah...except that they really said "stop talking s**t". It's like despite me being 32, my views and opinions never really mattered.

 

With my own move, I do mean business with taking care of myself. My family has repeatedly tried to talk me out of my move, but to no avail. I wonder on the likely fact that if I were to move away, some in my family would suddenly have to start taking responsibility instead of just passing it on...to me, in particular.

 

I'm the eldest of five siblings in my family.

 

As for Perth, I did feel that I found God's calling over there...and I will respond to that.

 

Thanks again. Merry Xmas to you and to Canada he he...

 

Hi Ajax,

 

I feel for you. I feel you just have WAY too much to deal with and your mentality & patience is running thin now.

You're starting to feel overwhelmed in many area's and I think YOU now need to 'slow down' and 'take hold of your life'

 

For what you're family is saying to you? Re: Talking rubbish? Sounds like they don't understand and making YOU feel slightly worthless... right?

 

Like you have said

>> "I don't know how I would cope"

You're admitting it. It's becoming too much for you now and this is NOT what you're wanting in your life, at this time... but you WANT to carry on. And you feel pressured that you must stay?

 

You are becoming depressed because of the pressures/expecting to do 'for them', and it's bringing you down.

Now- If you're psych are telling you to leave, what if you did?

What if you just say "enough, i'm going' and plan on that come the new year (maybe next month or 2?)

Then, maybe your parents WILL come to realize YOU do mean business and YOU do have this right to take care of YOU and your own needs- as this IS your life.

 

I can see Perth as being YOUR future and I feel you should just go for it.

As your dad may come to realize you are serious, HE can find someone else to take over & deal with his business.

It is NOT your fault for your dad's 'jail business' or your mother's needs.. (are you an only child?).

 

My parents would NEVER expect me to take over all of their issues.