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Mixed feelings


periwinkle00

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I started a new job. I sit beside this guy who is really cute. I felt a sexual connection with him right away, as well as an emotional one. The thing is, we can't hold a conversation. Seems he has trouble holding conversations with just about everyone there. Whenever I ask him about his evening or something about himself, he gives me sort of a quick answer, and doesn't hold eye contact. I wonder if he doesn't really like to talk about himself..Maybe he isn't interested, but then why do I feel the way that I do when I am around him? It's pretty rare that I feel this way about anyone.

 

My sexual feelings are getting in the way. Yes, I can take care of those in my own time, which is useful, but every time I see him, I just get this feeling like I want to be with him.

 

I don't know what to do. I just close up when I am around him. I feel so nervous. I wish I would just relax, and talk to him about things that aren't so personal for him.

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Whenever I ask him about his evening or something about himself, he gives me sort of a quick answer, and doesn't hold eye contact.

 

...

 

I wish I would just relax, and talk to him about things that aren't so personal for him.

 

Really, you think finding something that's not personal is the solution?

 

Being attracted to someone is no reason to chase them. The fact that you feel a sexual and emotional connection is not some big sign from god.

 

Sure you don't feel like you need to rescue someone?

 

This guy does not sound like a good catch at all. Ignore your loins.

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You started a new job.. so you're now getting into this guy- at your job. Both being 'new'.

What YOU should do is back off a bit then.

1) Not a good thing to try & get involved with anyone at a workplace.. not goo results.

2) this is all new to you.. including this guy.

 

Im sure you really know NOTHING about him yet. You're just going on these 'amazing vibes'.

But let's slow it all down and go into 1st gear.. not 4th.

 

How about YOU just back off and focus on your job? Do NOT aim on 'getting him'.

 

Look at this as a 'temporary' emotion and this will ease off soon. Kinda like a childhood crush on some tv star.

He's cute.. he's good.. he's hot... BUT... I'll get over him and move on again.

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There's actually a policy for no relationships. The job is 4 months long, so there's a always a chance afterward.

 

I'm not saying that it's a sign from God, so it sort of seems like you are putting words into my mouth.

 

I am saying, that I don't feel this way with most people. I don't jump every person I see, nor do I want to, in actuality. Things get complicated when you have sex with people you don't really know, at least for me. I am much more comfortable with having him as a fantasy, and getting to know him as a friend or acquaintance.

 

I will have to say that the feelings are distracting, and it would be nice to just have a casual conversation with the guy, rather than be so held back by fear of saying or feeling the wrong thing.

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I AM woman.. and I was not 'aiming' harsh realities at you. Was stating facts.. about what & how you've explained it to us...

 

You give 'so much' information so we'll base it on what YOU provide. We are not there to see what's going on, so maybe give us some slack and feel free to explain further.

 

YOU do not need to be so harsh either. At least I didn't SWEAR at you.

 

Now- as I mentioned, those points being 'I suggest you not look at getting involved'..because you are 'new' there and dont know much about the guy. So then i suggest to just back away and hopefully YOU will be able to settle down some and remain focussed on your job.

 

Whatever happens in the end is your choice... No one here is going to MAKE you do anything.

You came here, to ask of some input so we offered our input.

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Soosad does have a point. Slow down and get to know the guy first, all you have right now is your 1st impressions of him. The real him may not be this guy you are imagining him to be. If you still like him after getting to know him then you should pursue him. Since your job is only 4 months long it's not as potentially awkward if things don't work out with him. If this was a permanent position I'd follow the common advice that it's bad to date coworkers. Good luck!

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Whoa whoa whoa.

 

I didn't see any disrespect, but I do see you being very defensive.

 

Just laying out why people are advising caution:

 

You don't know this guy;

He doesn't communicate, and doesn't even hold eye contact;

He hasn't shown any sign of interest;

He doesn't seem to be social with anyone there;

You work together.

 

No, initial attraction isn't necessarily common. Nobody was suggesting it. However, just because it's a rare feeling to feel instant tingles and attraction doesn't mean it's two sided, and doesn't mean acting on it is always the way to go. And nobody here wants to see you hurt through an ill advised jump into the deep end.

 

Sometimes there's an obvious path to progress. Sometimes there's obvious reasons not to, like in your case. If things change when you no longer work together, that might be different. But with what information and the situation you have at this moment - you're probably better off just enjoying those tingles and butterflies and not doing anything but that - enjoying them for what they are.

 

You risk too many complications by acting, not to mention he seems to be ambivalent at best. In the following months you may get a better idea if he would be interested in any social approach after your job is finished.

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