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Why I left my wife and Kids


ricketyfence

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Hi I am 32 year old man

 

I recently left my wife and 3 kids

 

I know I chosen the right reason to leave and it really was self preservation, I was facing an endless battle against her demons and this war I could not win so after 11 years I gave up. Yes I gave up, I could not fight the fight anymore I thought I would never get to this point but here I am unable to go on (relationship only). So why do I feel like I have betrayed my children why am I still considering going back, why can I not just shed this relationship and move on. Yes I still love her but I cannot be with her, sometimes I find myself romanticizing the past and then quickly realize reality she was no good for me.

 

I can give endless reasons as to why I left but intimately I did it for me.... I did it so what little of my heart that was left inside of me wasn't crushed.

 

She tries daily to get me back and uses the kids to attempt to lure me back guilt is her tactic and it burns deep but I no longer show it so maybe she will finish the job now even though we are no longer together.

 

This is eating me apart my loyalties to my kids, myself & to her are too much for me to bear I now understand why "SOME" dad's leave a never come back its self preservation its freedom of thought but i could never leave I love my little babies to much to never see them.

 

So, I asked for separation a time apart to see if things could change if she could change I asked her to attend counseling to fight her demon of her past as she will never be able to love until she has accept the things that happen in the past and she is doing this. I asked her to read several books regarding money & communication these she says she read. Now she demands we make a way forward but when I think of her I get nausea and a headache and feel overwhelmed with emotion, I have now linked her to pain instead of pleasure (tony Robbins, awake the giant) I want to go back by I can’t does this make sense

 

Can anyone else understand this?

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Hi Rick,

 

First of all, don't think you have 'betrayed' your children. They do come to accept and understand these circumstances & reason for a family fall out.

I've been through this twice in the last 20 yrs. As long as kids aren't exposed to continous fights, witness or expereince abuse etc, they'll be okay.

 

Guilt she can 'try' and use as a tactic, yes. But don't let her win this. You KNOW what you feel you need to do- this is YOUR life too.

 

Everything your saying does make sense. You're suffering with some anxiety as you 'try' to deal with this break up and emotions are all so raw at this time.

You WILL experience many waves of confusion, guilt, anger, denial, lonliness etc.. for a few months, until you can come to 'accept' the break up.

Once you can manage to deal with this.. in time, you will be able to move on again in Life.

 

This is FAR from easy and it'll take some time.

 

What I suggest you do asap, is look into some counselling or therapy and maybe go see your doctor and ask about something to help you out with your anxiety/depression etc. Whatever may be going on with you emotionally/mentally & physically.

 

As for her and her issues, which has made you 'lose it', she may have to take on much time in dealing with her problems which has caused a lot of negative within your relationship. No matter what- do NOT plan on taking her back (even when you feel 'weak'). She HAS to deal with and improve herself in a few ways before you'll ever re consider... or not.

 

Either way.. do not belittle yourself for your choice here, okay. You do have this right.

 

I'm glad you found this site.. you're not alone, as there are many others, like you here.

 

I say.. One day at a time.

 

tc.. stick around.

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I agree completely with SooSad - get yourself into a support group, and get some counseling. You need support and a sounding board to help you navigate your emotions and help you make this transition easier for your kids.

 

If she's not completely loco - see if a counselor can suggest a co-parenting class for you to attend together to mediate and resolve issues that involve the kids, and come to an understanding of how you both will support them. She could probably use individual counseling herself, but not sure if she's open to it.

 

Definitely get involved in some groups out there for single parents. You're going to need to vent, and need company that won't judge you, more than just one therapist or counselor can provide. There are nights that just stepping out for coffee after a draining conversation can help. So don't think you're being "weak" asking for help, or for advice from those who have been there. Look for those that are willing to lend a helping hand, and let them help you.

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