Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Here's my story

 

I just found out he has unblocked me on facebook, it has been almost a month since the BU and 2, 5 weeks of NC.

I just saw one photo, and that new girl he has been talking to and claiming is a friend only commented with 'my activist'. WTH?? Is that what a friend would say? I'm really emotional at the moment because it has been my very first relationship and him talking to this girl hurts. And this comment of hers?

 

I've started slowly getting better, I still cry a lot. I'm panicking at the moment cause I think him unblocking me after two weeks mean he expects messages from me. And I don't want to do that. He hurt me so much, I don't want to do anything with especially since all my devotion and love has been exchanged for this new girl who he has claimed just a friend, but calls him her activist? Please help, I don't want to be hurt, just want some advice. First, is that a just friendly comment from her or what? I know it doesn't matter and I was almost getting to the stage of not llooking up and now this. Second, should I block him now or just do nothing? Thanks, I really need to calm down now

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes, block him now. You were doing better until he unblocked you so keeping him blocked sounds like a great idea.

 

As far as the comment "my activist", idk, I would only use that kind of comment w/ someone I had deep affection for or was really close to, like one of my kids, my bf, or a very close friend BUT everyone is different and for some it may be used more casually.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting and having a little set back. The good news is this is just that...a tiny setback. You're doing so well and will keep doing well, just block him so you don't get blindsided w/ this stuff again. Best wishes to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, but if I block him now means that he will know that I checked out his page? Isn't it better to ignore? I think that girl really wants to get him, she commented on every of his pictures. I'm just disgusted, to be honest, with his emotional involvement with her while we were still together and then blaming me for being jealous and saying she is only friend. I don't know to want him after his emotional betrayal. I'm kinda glad I got an insight into their relationship, I'm so disgusted by him, hopefully will make easier to move on. Why on earth did he unblock me now?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, but if I block him now means that he will know that I checked out his page? Isn't it better to ignore? I think that girl really wants to get him, she commented on every of his pictures. I'm just disgusted, to be honest, with his emotional involvement with her while we were still together and then blaming me for being jealous and saying she is only friend. I don't know to want him after his emotional betrayal. I'm kinda glad I got an insight into their relationship, I'm so disgusted by him, hopefully will make easier to move on. Why on earth did he unblock me now?

 

Better to ignore? Why? Is this a competition? Do you owe something to him? Do you want to PROVE something to him? Of couse not. So what if you blocked him because of the girl and he knows? What difference does that make? Zero.

 

Go ahead and block. You guys are not together anymore. You don't need to "prove" or "disprove" anything anymore to him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just don't want him to know that I was looking at his page

 

Hey Silversoul, it's like Twidom said, it doesn't matter whether he knows you were looking at his page or not. It's normal to have a lot of feelings after a breakup and to check out what the other is doing now and again. More importantly, you two are no longer together and if you did block him, you won't have to see is reaction one way or another - 'cause he's blocked. HOORAH!

 

Take care of yourself at this time - read a book, take a bath, bake some cookies in the shape of your ex and then overbake them - anything to help you make it through!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're getting your own self all wrapped around this fact. In order to 'move on' in a healthy way. You do NOT need to have HIM any longer as a friend on your FB.

 

You CAN do whatever YOU want now. Go ahead and BLOCK the guy. You now know what kind of guy he is. He's ticked you off and you're not letting yourself move on this way.

Do NOT look at his page.. do NOT follow anything to do with him.. do NOT talk to him.. Nothing!

 

Leave it ALL alone now. It has nothing to do with you on what HE does anymore... right?

 

So- STOP punishing yourself.. get away from everything to do with him. Leave it be so YOU can work on your 'healing'.

One cannot work on their issues.. their loss etc, if they keep doing stuff like this.

 

For now.. and maybe forever.. you can NOT be his 'friend'. You two are done now.. correct? Then work on putting EVERYTHING behind you and letting go.

 

One day at a time.. it's not easy, we know but it is the best for you to do now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know it's not easy to sink it in...But he's a "stranger" now. Just another guy in the crowd. That's how you have to see your ex. If he checks your FB or not, it doesn't matter because you "don't know him". That's sort of the mindset you need right now. I know you probably don't want but if he never contacts you again it's for the best. It REALLY is. I see people who broke up a YEAR ago and can't move on because they can't let their exes go. They stay in touch.

 

And staying in touch is the worst possible thing you could do. Try to think of him as dead. The person you used to go to the movies together no longer exists. It's a bit easier for me that way anyway...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You should block him yourself and stop with Facebook spying. Who cares what he thinks about your blocking him. People always misunderstand that thinking it shows something or another when the truth is it saves you from exactly the sort of heartache and setbacks you're dealing with now. You don't want to know what's going on with him, you don't want to be hurt, so you block him. The idea is to lessen the pain while you heal and recover, not to keep ripping open the wounds before they're scabbed over so to speak.

 

I know that's alot easier said than done, but it actually sets you back otherwise and you need to focus on your own healing. Her comment, who the heck knows what it means and really in the end does it matter? You matter. And he may have unblocked you for a number of reasons, but nothing says you have to message him. Block him or deactivate your account for the time being and get out into the real world. Things like Facebook just fuel needless fears and worries and what ifs that may, in the end, mean absolutely nothing.

 

Focus on your own healing, apply full no contact which means blocking him on all electronic means and in person, and find something that brings you even the least bit of joy. That's far better and it'll keep you a whole lot more sane.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so broken, I'm crying right now. I feel like all my ideals are shuttered. Life doesn't make sense. I trusted him so, I was so caring and now he just found this girl who seems cannot wait to get into his pants. How can someone who said they loved you do this and bring so much pain?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so broken, I'm crying right now. I feel like all my ideals are shuttered. Life doesn't make sense. I trusted him so, I was so caring and now he just found this girl who seems cannot wait to get into his pants. How can someone who said they loved you do this and bring so much pain?

 

Most of us have been and are still there...People just change I guess? Try to put yourself in his shoes to see how you would've reacted. Would you stay with him not loving him? Would you not date another person for a LONG time because you knew it would hurt him? He's just like you, another human being with needs.

 

The only thing we can do is accept...And move on. Or try to. If you really need to vent, PM me. I'm going through a rough time too but some things I can help you with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't block him on facebook, but I blocked his page using an extension on a browser

 

At least, since he's unfriended, change your privacy settings so your page is only visible to friends/family.

 

Blunt truth here - the only one you are hurting by not blocking him is you. The only one who is likely to NOTICE for more than a heartbeat whether you visited his page or not? You.

 

Peeking into his life? It's basically waking up in the morning and deciding to start the day by driving splinters under your fingernails, followed by a refreshing walk on hot coals. To make it all the better, rub some salt in the resulting wounds. Now, if someone was actually doing that, you'd call them nuts.

 

It's what you're emotionally putting yourself through. You see it, even though you don't want to. You find yourself speculating on the wording of what other people are commenting on his page. Agonizing on what it really means. Turning yourself inside out worrying about it meaning he's with another.

 

It's what you were protecting yourself from with NC.

 

And NONE of it matters more than you need to matter to yourself.

 

What difference does it make if Brittney Spears wanted to get in his pants? Will it change ANYTHING between you and him if she does or doesn't care if he goes to the moon tomorrow to polish moon rocks? Nope, not a thing. Your world will be the same regardless.

 

So cut any of those pointless and painful views of his world out of your life.

 

Get your head and chin up. Do something nice for yourself tomorrow. And let his pants take care of themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, Mesemene, for your message. I should learn these words by heart:

 

Peeking into his life? It's basically waking up in the morning and deciding to start the day by driving splinters under your fingernails, followed by a refreshing walk on hot coals. To make it all the better, rub some salt in the resulting wounds. Now, if someone was actually doing that, you'd call them nuts.

 

I know it is masochistic to have looked him up until this point. I was just bewildered how someone who held you in your arms three weeks ago, and you trusted so much was having an emotional affair. I think I kept looking at these pages to be further horrified and bewildered by his betrayal. I don't know why i can't just care about myself and focuson myself

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is hard, silver, and I didn't mean to make light of it.

 

More to give you a vivid image of what you end up doing to yourself.

 

Yep, been there, done that, went as far as to park outside my first exes house to watch him with his friends while I bawled. I have walked down idiot lane, and driven up and down insanity street.

 

It hurts. But you'll persevere

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just don't want to have this hurt for a long time. Because it was my first relationship and the first time I put so much trust into a person, I don't want this to affect my personality, I don't want to have this pain all my life. Knowing that he is going to hang out with her all next year hurts a lot as well. And they way he ended things blaming everything on me. I truly believed all that and was on a verge of a suicide. I just can't believe how can someone so nice make you go through the hell. I guess you really never should trust anyone 100% except your parents

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should listen to what others are saying. The best thing to do is to block him.

 

What if you got tempted to look into his fb again and find out you're blocked again?

What if you look into his fb and find a pic of him and a new girl?

What if he messages you asking for advice about his new girl?

 

Just because you dont want him to know you checked his fb you're not going to block him? Is what he's thinking more important than you? It doesnt even mean that you blocked him you checked his fb. Your healing is more important than whatever he is thinking. And it will be a surprise for him if he finds out you blocked him. He will wonder what you are doing.

 

My exbf dumped me and blocked me on his fb. If i will just be given a chance to block him i will.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No I'd rather now give him the sense of what I was going through. I wanna keep it classy

 

HA! This is fantastic, Silver! It sounds to me that, even though you're really struggling, you've still got enough sense to think of yourself and your rep and how you might be appearing to other folks. That's actually a pretty good sign. If you're still able to think enough to be concerned with how you're being perceived, I imagine you'll be up on your feet again in no time!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so broken, I'm crying right now. I feel like all my ideals are shuttered. Life doesn't make sense. I trusted him so, I was so caring and now he just found this girl who seems cannot wait to get into his pants. How can someone who said they loved you do this and bring so much pain?

 

And this is why you should block him and get yourself off Facebook altogether. It keeps you obsessing about a dead relationship and makes you feel worse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...