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How would you react if he said this...?


Abc90

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There is a guy that I have been seeing on and off. I don't know if it's fwb/dating/friends and I've tried to follow advice from here but sometimes I just get very confused...I know many will say I'm stupid for asking him, but for my sanity I just asked him "what he wanted?"

 

He replied,

"I'm attracted to you but I truly don't know if I like you. You annoy me to the point I dunno if I can see myself being with ya. "

 

*Ouch* I had no idea he felt that way, it truly came as a surprise. But he responded and was honest. How do I react to this????

 

Thanks!

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I'm sorry but I would LAUGH OUT LOUD and stop seeing him immediately. Did he say "ya" instead of "you"? That makes it even more funny. If a guy told me I annoy him to any degree in the early stages of dating I would cut out. Eventually, though I would anticipate annoying them. Haha.

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You stop seeing him. The guy likes you as a woman but not as a person. You don't need that in your life. To tell you the truth, I consider what he told you, to be one of the worst things for someone to say to someone else, especially someone they've been seeing. I would be very insulted if I were you.

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You stop seeing him. The guy likes you as a woman but not as a person. You don't need that in your life. To tell you the truth, I consider what he told you, to be one of the worst things for someone to say to someone else, especially someone they've been seeing. I would be very insulted if I were you.

 

Yeah for sure.

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Wow, that was a slap in the face... what that means is he'll basically only be with you until he meets someone else... probably using you for sex because he doesn't want a sexual dry spell or because he is lonely, and when he finds someone he likes better, he'll leave.

 

Honestily, if someone told me that I 'annoyed' him or he couldn't see himself being with me, i'd dump him on the spot. Why waste time wiht someone who says something like that!

 

btw, it is ALWAYS a good idea to communicate honestly... there was nothing wrong at all asking him what was up... you saved yourself a lot of time and heart by asking him this, becuase it is clear that he's NOT going to be around for long, and frankly what he said may have been honest, but it was rude. Why is he with you at all if you annoy him? It must be because he's using you for something!

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People actually say stuff like that out loud??? I don't know how I would react, I probably 1. take a while to process what came out of his mouth 2. after the shock wore off, run as fast as I could, grab my phone, block the weasel and do my best to forget he even existed!

 

And you're not stupid for asking, as a matter of fact you should have asked this a while ago (preferably when you realized he wasn't treating you as a girlfriend).

 

If you still choose to explain to him why you will stop seeing him (because I'm assuming you will stop seeing him, you can't possibly continue after he belittled you to this degree!), tell him that you don't see yourself giving your body and your time to someone who doesn't like you and doesn't see himself being with you.

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I'd be hurt and embarrassed but once the shock wore off, I'd realize that it's best that this comes out now rather than later. I wouldn't talk to him again, not a hi, no responses to calls/texts/anything. Don't feel bad about asking, it's a good thing you did because you found out what you needed to know so you can move on.

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I could not continue seeing someone, even if it were just as friends with benefits, knowing they view me that way and at the same time maintain self dignity. I'm sure you deserve better than some on/off guy who is just passing the time with you. He will most likely dump you and end this thing you two have going on as soon as he meets someone else more to his liking. I say break it off completely. You could find a man for you who appreciates you both as a person and woman. And you're not stupid at all for asking, it's a reasonable question.

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Ok. I ended it...just basically told him he insulted me and I deserve better. I know he wont respond, I didn't mean anything to him.

 

We never had sex, and now I'm glad we didn't. I also wanted to add I asked him this last night and he didn't get back to me with wonderful answer until 1 this afternoon.

 

He was so incredibly passive...never really acted like he was trying to impress me or showed that he cared about me. At least I feel a lil better that I was the one who technically ended it...even though his message sucked, I don't think he was trying to end things with me.

 

I don't know how it's like to date a guy who genuinely acts like he likes me and treats me well. I feel so incredibly discouraged and embarassed.

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Don't be embarassed... really, you did nothing wrong! You thought you were dating a guy who liked you, and to be honest, he's strange if he goes out with people who annoy him! I also think he didn't have to be rude about what he said to you... he could have been decent and just said he didn't think you were well matched and hence should let it go. But instead he calls you annoying! Kind of a jerk to say that for sure. You're better off without him!

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I'm attracted to you but I ... don't ... like you. You annoy me ...

 

When you strip away the guff, this is what is left.

 

We never had sex...

 

Thank god. You'll be glad of this later on.

 

Ok. I ended it...

 

I really hope you stick to it!

 

just basically told him he insulted me and I deserve better....

 

He was so incredibly passive...never really acted like he was trying to impress me or showed that he cared about me.

 

I don't know how it's like to date a guy who genuinely acts like he likes me and treats me well.

 

You have to stop settling. Don't go out with anyone who shows lukewarm interest. You're not desperate.

 

You should also try to figure out why you think this is all you deserve.

 

I feel so incredibly discouraged and embarassed.

 

Read: link removed

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You were definitely not dating. If you want to date a guy who likes and treats you well, try not offering "fun sex" next time when you know it's not what you want.

 

I wasn't looking for "fun sex" with him. When we had dated initially I was so serious with everything and didn't have sex. This time around I still wanted to see/date him I just wanted to have more fun with this time around and see where it took us.

 

Besides...I don't know what that has to do with anything. I know many people who are in fwb/fb situations where their partners are not rude or insulting to them

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She chose not to have sex with him, and kudos to her!

 

Yes, I know. However, her past threads about this guy said that he stopped seeing her initially, she reinitiated contact, and proposed a FWB situation. He was the one who didn't seem interested in sex, according to her. I'm just saying it's not a good idea to offer casual sex to a guy if you know deep down it's not really what you want.

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I wasn't looking for "fun sex" with him. When we had dated initially I was so serious with everything and didn't have sex. This time around I still wanted to see/date him I just wanted to have more fun with this time around and see where it took us.

 

Besides...I don't know what that has to do with anything. I know many people who are in fwb/fb situations where their partners are not rude or insulting to them

 

Why would you allow yourself to settle for so little if you like the guy? Don't you want more for yourself?

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I don't know how it's like to date a guy who genuinely acts like he likes me and treats me well.

 

That's the problem right there.

If you don't know what to expect, you'll go along with anything that's offered to you.

You need to work on yourself first, before you start dating again. Write down a list of things that are important to you and, the next time you meet a guy you like, make sure he treats you the way you want to be treated. You need to have boundaries and if someone crosses them, move on without second thoughts. You'll save yourself lots of heartache down the road, trust me.

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Why would you allow yourself to settle for so little if you like the guy? Don't you want more for yourself?

 

I guess I just wanted to see if it would work for me. I'm not trying to compare myself to other people, but I notice with my friends/people on here that they are a little more relaxed with things and their dating actually goes somewhere. But I suppose the guy has to actually like you for that to happen which wasn't the case here.

 

I'm still kind of shocked about what he said....I can't believe it really. He didn't even say he liked me but I can be annoying...he said he didn't even know if he liked me!!! I'm not sure what end result he wanted there because I don't think he was ending it.

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That's the problem right there.

If you don't know what to expect, you'll go along with anything that's offered to you.

You need to work on yourself first, before you start dating again. Write down a list of things that are important to you and, the next time you meet a guy you like, make sure he treats you the way you want to be treated. You need to have boundaries and if someone crosses them, move on without second thoughts. You'll save yourself lots of heartache down the road, trust me.

 

I agree...I don't know what is "normal" for when a guy actually likes you because I've never experienced it. Maybe that's why I post on here so much. The thing is there are some things that this guy did that I thought were off...but again I just thought that was how dating worked and I wasn't being reasonable.

 

For example....we had reconnected after a month of no contact. For 3 weeks we have been seeing each other. Everytime I go over he is overly affectionate always wanting me and wanting more. I wanted to have sex and he knew that but I held off a little just to see if he would be cool this time around first. I went over there on Thursday and he made no effort at all to kiss me...he did want to cuddle and watch a movie. I tried to get him to be more affectionate...by initiating but he said he was tired even though I told him I was ready this time. He fell asleep during the movie...woke up and said he wasn't tired anymore. I tried to kiss him again because I hadn't the whole time I had been over, and he rejected me by saying he wasn't in the mood. I was totally put off...he was being so weird....so I got up and went home.

 

Now because I haven't been in a lot of relationships...maybe I overreacted and this is why he said I was annoying? The next day I texted him and said I wasn't mad, just embarrassed and apologized for leaving. But everything was still new to us...and he knew how much I desired him it just doesn't seem right at this stage he would reject me like that. I've always pleased him whenever he wanted because I enjoy giving him pleasure but he wouldn't even kiss me. But perhaps I was wrong? Can you tell me?

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There is a guy that I have been seeing on and off. I don't know if it's fwb/dating/friends and I've tried to follow advice from here but sometimes I just get very confused...I know many will say I'm stupid for asking him, but for my sanity I just asked him "what he wanted?"

 

He replied,

"I'm attracted to you but I truly don't know if I like you. You annoy me to the point I dunno if I can see myself being with ya. "

 

*Ouch* I had no idea he felt that way, it truly came as a surprise. But he responded and was honest. How do I react to this????

 

Thanks!

 

Either no response or "thank you for letting me know".

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"I agree...I don't know what is "normal" for when a guy actually likes you because I've never experienced it. Maybe that's why I post on here so much. The thing is there are some things that this guy did that I thought were off...but again I just thought that was how dating worked and I wasn't being reasonable."

 

If you have at least one close or somewhat close friend then you have enough experience to know what it's like to be treated well.

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"I agree...I don't know what is "normal" for when a guy actually likes you because I've never experienced it. Maybe that's why I post on here so much. The thing is there are some things that this guy did that I thought were off...but again I just thought that was how dating worked and I wasn't being reasonable."

 

If you have at least one close or somewhat close friend then you have enough experience to know what it's like to be treated well.

 

Ok

 

I know it's hindsight now...but do you think I overreacted in the situation I described...was what he did normal?

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Ok

 

I know it's hindsight now...but do you think I overreacted in the situation I described...was what he did normal?

 

Which part? He didn't make the physical moves because you annoy him which he came out and said. Its huuugely insulting to say that. If you were dating someone and things were going well and they 'weren't in the mood' one night, that would be normal. But rejecting you physically and then piling "you annoy me to the degree I don't know if I could like ya" is only normal to people who accept mean as the norm.

Have you decided you'll stop seeing him?

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