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Help with her reaction


psycho magnet

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Ok, so my recent posts on here were about a student of mine (again, I'm the TA) whom I've had chemistry with throughout the class. In short we've eaten lunch together, talked in depth about the material, and texted--though in all these activities I've kept her at a distance due to my position of power. She's given sign after sign of her interest.

 

But since we had the last class a few days ago, I asked her to a movie and she said yes (so she's no longer my student). It was my plan to play the night by ear, then depending on the vibe tell her my feelings for her after the movie when I dropped her off. Well we went to the movie and it went great. We were giggling and whispering during the movie, and she asked if I was hungry and wanted to go out somewhere after. Of course I said yes and we did go out after, having a great conversation at a nice laid back restaurant/bar. Our conversation got REALLY personal, and we talked about sex, relationships, friendships, etc.

 

When I was finally taking her home, she said she had a weird question for me, then she asked if I'd ever dated a student. I told her honestly yes, I had dated one former student in particular in the past. I felt like this was the time to tell her my feelings (why would she ask that?) so I did. I said that I felt there was a connection between us that went beyond friendship, and at first everything was great. She said she felt a connection too.

 

But then it got more awkward for the rest of the ride home. I asked her whether she was sure about her feelings, I assured her she could tell me the truth. She said she was sure. I asked her if she was interested in anyone else. She said she wasn't.

 

Although she seemed to reciprocate my feelings verbally, something seemed different. And then when we got to her place, I said something like, "Well think about what I said and let me know if anything changes." And she responded, "Well I told you how I feel." I'm not sure why, but at this point I decided to just touch her hand lightly as an act of affection, but she pulled her hand away. Then I just said, "Well I guess I should let you go." She said ok and left.

 

I texted her when I got home just to apologize if I'd made it at all awkward for her. She still hasn't responded today.

 

So I guess I'm wondering what her reaction means. Is it possible that she is just still processing everything? Maybe she doesn't even yet know what to think? After all, she did tell me that she's never dated anyone before (she is quite a bit younger than me), though guys have been interested in her. Even so, the fact that she hasn't texted me back doesn't seem like a good sign. Is it possible that she is rethinking her interest in me? Could she have been just humoring me by saying she felt a connection too?

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I think she asked to see if you had dated a student because she wanted to date you.

Your response was yes, and you felt you guys had great connection.

 

The next sentence could have been..."and I would like to date you".

 

But you didn't and the silence got awkward.

Then you touched her hand...said I should let you go....instead of a simple kiss and setting up the next date.

 

See how it could have played out?

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I know there's nothing you can do about it now but for me having someone asking me if I'm sure about what I'd said, then questioning again by saying "think about it and let me know if it changes", then texting about it being awkward would trip me out. I'm not saying that's the case w/ her but I thought about what you've written and tried to put myself in that place and I think all the questioning would lead me to question and wonder if you're questioning your feelings about me, otherwise why bring it up, especially repeatedly.

 

She also maybe just got really nervous since she hasn't dated anyone before and all of this is new to her.

 

It doesn't sound like she was humoring you about her interest. It absolutely sounds like she's interested! Best suggestion I can think of is ask her out again and see what happens. Best of luck.

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Ok I see your points. The thing is though, after we admitted mutual interest I did say I wanted to keep hanging out with her now and in the future, which is almost like saying I want to date her. But I definitely see your points about the questioning. I should not have done that.

 

But I'm curious about the hand thing mHowe, because that has worked for me many times in the past. I feel like it's a way of gauging comfort before moving in for the kiss. Don't you think the kiss could have been just as awkward if she pulled away?

 

jjkk do you think I should text her today to set up another date? Or should I wait?

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I think asking for another date today (setting it up) would be fine. I don't know her so it's hard for me to say as it pertains to her specifically...all I can go off is my own experience. I'm not sure of the benefits of doing it today vs. waiting a day or two. Perhaps someone else has better insight in timing w/ these things. Honestly w/ stuff like that in the past I've flipped a coin, left it to fate, lol, because I can overthink many different options and drive myself nuts. Good luck! I'd love to hear how it plays out.

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Ok I see your points. The thing is though, after we admitted mutual interest I did say I wanted to keep hanging out with her now and in the future, which is almost like saying I want to date her.

 

No, it most definitely is not. You need to ask her on another date and make it clear it's a date.

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Well, I just texted her to hang out early in the week and it looks like we'll be getting together Monday. She laughed at my previous text about the awkwardness and said that she missed it last night and just saw it.

 

So I guess it's still on!

 

Point taken Rachael, I'll try to make it crystal clear. Thanks for the advice everyone.

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Our conversation got REALLY personal, and we talked about sex, relationships, friendships, etc.

 

When I was finally taking her home, she said she had a weird question for me, then she asked if I'd ever dated a student.

 

She said she felt a connection too.

 

 

"Well I told you how I feel."

 

All i'm seeing here is that she is giving you the go ahead to be upfront and physical and yet you are still scared. I understand where you are coming from because its scary to date someone younger especially a student, but you aren't going to be able to maintain a relationship with this girl if you don't view yourself as an equal. Just let whatever happens happen and then worry about it later, i am sure that if she was someone your age you wouldn't be so hesitant.

 

Females can sense weakness so if you throw those vibes out there, expect the negative reactions.

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he reached out and she pulled away, why are you guys beating him?

 

even if it was just a bad reflex, she pulled away. if I were a boy, in his shoes I'd be uncomfortable too - she gave him a couple of mixed signals.

 

I concede, he tried to play safe by not really asking her on a date straight after she asked him, but that's not as much as a faux pas as is pulling the hand away. I feel like slapping some sense into her ¬¬.

 

I hope she has worked out with herself what she wants now, and that things start to move smoothier between you too =)

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he reached out and she pulled away, why are you guys beating him?

 

even if it was just a bad reflex, she pulled away. if I were a boy, in his shoes I'd be uncomfortable too - she gave him a couple of mixed signals.

 

Yeah, this is true and i thought about it as well, but the fact that she still talks to him and agreed to go on another date with him makes me feel that this was just first date jitters. I have pulled away from attractive girls who were going in on a move with me, not because i didn't like them but because i felt as though i wasn't in control of the situation and that's what made me react that way, the fear of losing control. It happens to everyone, and based on everything he has said it seems like he is still in the green.

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