Need relationship advice.

[DannyR]

Little arguments caused one big problem we were a great couple but things came to an end last week and she's moved out and back with her mum. I did something very childish by cutting her clothes up, i know love makes you do crazy things!! On Facebook we chat now and then and also i call her but she says she can't forgive me, i did something very childish and can't blame her. What can i do to get her back? I have given her £500 to buy new clothes and was thinking about taking her for a drink? can't get over her she is always on my mind tryeid telling her loads how i feel and thats not working. She does still care i know she does. Im not paranoid at all with her but she seems to be adding lots of boys on her Facebook don't know what to think of that. any advice from anyone as to what i should do?

[mhowe]

Take a class in anger management.

Don't expect her to take you back...your behavior was beyond the pale.

And giving her the money was the right thing to do...but changes nothing.

[DannyR]

Totally agree 100% we have been in contact but if there was something i could do to make it all ok

[mhowe]

No. It was an incredibly immature act.

Love doesn't make you act immaturely... jealousy and pettiness does.

[DannyR]

Once again very true, any advice or do you think Ive no chance?

[mhowe]

Zero chance. For one, her mother would put a stop to it.

Your first big fight and you destroy her clothes...what come next? Physical abuse?

[DannyR]

Yeah its hard to take lived together for a year! Very upsetting but hey who else do i have to blame but myself? We live and we learn

[mhowe]

If you are think YOU are upset... imagine what she thinks!

First big fight and you destroy her clothes.

You are acting as though this is no big thing...."live and learn".

I suggest you get therapy and learn ways to appropriately respond to conflict.

[DancingFool]

You are trying to write this off as childish when in reality it was completely crazy and a violent outburst. If she has any sense at all she'll never come near you again. As already mentioned you need to seek help. Love doesn't make you do crazy things, crazy makes you do crazy things.

[ParisPaulette]

Look you have no chance of having a healthy normal relationship. Both of you sound like you're setting each other off and it's dwindling into acts of revenge and that's usually the signal to walk away and just keep walking. I know you say you just cut the clothes up and you're sorry, but that's not just an immature act, it heralds some pretty big anger issues. And typically once you do something like that the next time frustration boils over it's worse.

 

My advice is to back away and go NC and just heal from it. You already made amends, you apologized, that's all you can do. You can't make her magically forget or forgive. Maybe talk to someone about the anger issues, read a few books on healthy boundaries and choosing people with healthy boundaries and how to deal with anger and frustration constructively. You'll be better with the next woman in your life as a result of it, but unless you and this one both agree to therapy and working things out I just don't see how it would work. And yes, if someone did that to me I'd probably never give them another chance, not because of the clothes but because I'd be afraid the next time it'd be me they'd physically hurt. Sorry, but it's what it is.

[Ms Darcy]

Little arguments caused one big problem we were a great couple but things came to an end last week and she's moved out and back with her mum. I did something very childish by cutting her clothes up, i know love makes you do crazy things!! On Facebook we chat now and then and also i call her but she says she can't forgive me, i did something very childish and can't blame her. What can i do to get her back?

 

If someone did this to me, I would never get back with them. Sorry, it's the truth. I would give her the money (actually more) and leave her be.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you have a better chance of meeting Santa Claus, than having her return to the scene of the crime. If you don't seek therapy for your anger issues, they'll be many more repeat performances ahead.

[Cerenna]

Oh, I'd kill you for reals. Sometimes there's no replacing clothes and I'm very attached to my dresses!

 

As for for what to do, be a good friend for now, if she decides to rekindle the relationship, SCORE! You pushing it might just scare her, that was one incredibly immature and violent outburst you had. I'd be freaked out if the relationship rekindled on anything but my terms... that drink might be a good idea though.

[mhowe]

Yeah, because adding alcohol to an abusive and anger-challenged relationship is always a good idea!

 

OP---- I hope you learn from this, and not the cavelier attiutude of "love makes you crazy".

[Cerenna]

My bad, I keep thinking of being asked out for a drink as being a coffee date ^^;

 

I'd like to think that OP's "love makes you crazy" statement was a throwaway because he's embarrassed by what he did, and not that he actually thinks that way... I hope.