Talk of future

[LSgirl]

My bf and I have been together for a year and a half; however, we haven't talked about anything concrete of our future. He mentions many times that he wants us to live together and wants to be with me until the end. In the beginning of our relationship I did tell him a couple times that I wouldn't live with a bf unless I was engaged or married. I'm in no rush to live with him as I like my living situation right now being close to work.

 

Last night we were drinking wine at the beach, and somehow I brought up happiness, and he asked me what makes me happy, and I said that no matter what happens to me that I will be okay. I said if we broke up, I would be heartbroken, but that I would be okay. It was just hypothetical, but I'm sure it wasn't the answer he was looking for. Then I had mentioned that we hadn't discussed anything of our future except talk about how great it would be to live with each other, etc. I said that I know a year and a half is not very long in the grand scheme of things, and then just left it at that. I didn't mention marriage or anything but ideally he knows if we lived together I'd want that. He didn't really expand on it and said he loves me and wants to be with me and wouldn't want to be without me.

 

That was the first time I had brought up that we hadn't discussed our future, but now I'm afraid to bring it up again. It was time to go because it was late and I told him after what I said he didn't say anything. He said he was sorry and just kept saying he loved me. I guess I was a bit disappointed and maybe he didn't want to talk about it at that time. ( btw is this site iPhone compatible because it doesn't even show what I'm writing because it automatically scrolls up.) I'm not sure if I want to bring it up again. I know that he is committed to me, but he did mention a long time ago that he never really thought about marriage and isnt against it but would marry if it made her happy. I don't want to push the issue though.

[mhowe]

No need to bring it up again. Your answer was some what lacking in enthusiasm and you didn't ask him what happiness was to him...so, I guess you continue dating and loving each other without plans.

[LSgirl]

He tells me that I'm the best part of his life all the time and I say it back. We are very affectionate and vocal, and we are both very grounded, it's just the topic of marriage was never discussed, but we both know we are going to be with each other. Maybe that should be good enough for now. I just dont want to be someone who nags or give ultimatums.

[mhowe]

Asking where things are going isn't nagging.

Assuming where things are going is naive and dangerous.

Constantly talking about the future instead of enjoying the present and letting the relationship grow and deepen organically... is a sign of insecurity.

 

In my opinion.

[LSgirl]

Yeah thats why it was the first time I brought it up and dont want to bring it up again. But I also dont want to assume he will be proposing to me in the coming years. I feel like that should be something to discuss. Ill just have to see where we are a year or so from now and give myself my own timeline but not tell him that.

[Ms Darcy]

If I were your bf, I wouldn't know what you were really trying to communicate to me at the beach. You just need to be more assertive. What exactly are you trying to communicate or agree on in the possible marriage conversation? You need to figure that out, what you want in terms of the conversation, first. It's not clear to me what you want from him. Do you want a commitment that you will be engaged in a couple of years or something like that?

[jjkk]

Is never getting married a deal breaker for you? If so, how long are you willing to wait for marriage? I think you need to consider these things and clarify them in your mind and then based on what you decide, proceed from there. I think having an honest conversation about what you want is reasonable and important.

[rmoheban]

I’m not sure about your ages but it’s not uncommon for people especially men of a younger age to feel that they want to live together first. My relationship advice to you is stay true to yourself and if you don’t’ feel that living together is the right choice for you then still date him until he is ready to commit and marry you. Let him know your feelings about living together and the importance of marriage to you and give it your own time frame of how long you are willing to wait. If you have a healthy solid relationship, he knows how you feel and is the right guy for you; he may eventually want to marry if he doesn’t want to lose you.