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So confused, advice needed


Xanderldn

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Hey guys,

 

So i'v been seeing this girl for a few months now and really like her but in the last few weeks things have taken a turn for the worst.

 

We dont talk as much as we did we dont plan to meet up as often as we did and it just on the whole feels like we have gone backwards.

 

The confusing part is she seems to have lost intrest in me but i know her enough to know that she would just tell me if she didn't want to see me anymore.

 

In my opinion the only thing that could have caused this is i have been struggeling to peform sexually with her. She's always been understanding when it has happened and has never purposly made me feel bad about it but she has made comments like "maybe your just not attracted to me" and i undetstand how me not being able to peform could knock her confidence.

 

As i by-product of this i have found it hard to be flirty or effecionate with her incase the situation turns sexual and i once again fail to provide what i should.

 

I feel i have driven her away because of my own issues and i really dont know what i can do to get back to how we wher just a few weeks ago, i also worry that i could drive her in to the arms of another guy as she searches for the effection and satisfactory sex i have not always been able to provide.

I know that sounds silly but the combination of really falling for a girl and then seeing it fall apart so soon over something that should be so easy has really got to me.

 

Any advice on what i can do?

Anything i can read? Anything?

 

Fyi- it's peformance anxiety not physical.

We are both in our late 20's.

I am very attracted to her!

I am not gay/ never abused.

I have seen a doctor all clear, its just in my head at this point

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If it's performance anxiety and mental, not physical, what about seeing a therapist to work through it? There's probably books out there but idk which to recommend. If it's something very specific about performance, talking to her to ease your anxiety would be a good idea. Have things always been that way w/ your relationship or did something happen a few weeks ago that changed your ability to perform?

 

If you haven't told her this already, you need to let her know. Let her know it isn't her, that you're attracted to her, scared to get affectionate because of your issue and then tell her what you're doing to take care of the problem (like seeing a therapist, preferably one that has experience dealing w/ sexual issues).

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In my opinion the only thing that could have caused this is i have been struggeling to peform sexually with her.

 

So i am guessing you can't get it up because there is no other explanation. If this is the case does she perform like oral on you, what exactly does she do to get you in the mood?

 

I have been with a few women who were just really inexperienced and just didn't know any foreplay at all. It usually takes about 10 - 20 minutes of warm up to get me started, a girl can't just expect me to pull my clothes off and for me to be rock hard. If she is pressuring you and not really helping you get in the mood then the problem is probably her more than anything.

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