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Too soon for an engagement with an ex?


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Hey everyone,

I was dating a guy back in the day in high school for about a year, fell madly in love with him but it ended when I moved away. I remember sleepless nights and all those horrible things associated with a 'first love' break up and throughout the years, he always remained at the back of my mind.

 

Long story short, we were both in relationships when we met back again a good 5/6 years later and decided to break them off to be together. He dated his girlfriend after me for 5 years and I had a few during the period apart. When we began, it felt so right. Felt like it was always meant to be and I have never been happier in my life. As natural as it would come, it was difficult at first to accept each other's pasts and a whole bunch of other complications came about. Even so, we remained extremely happy and only 6 months in - starting talking about marriage etc. and how he never thought of getting married with his ex.

 

At about 8 months, we got engaged - it was spontaneous and somewhat of a mutual agreement although, his mother isn't quite pleased with how it's turned out. She believes it is too rushed and although it might seem that way, for the both of us - it feels so right. I just don't know how I am supposed to feel, if she really doesn't want it for us, we have to consider cancelling the engagement. That female instinct to get engaged and married once and only once comes in at the same time, so of course I want him to stand up for us.

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I am getting married to a guy I broke up with for a year. However we have been dating for almost 10 years. We waited a couple more years to get engaged after rekindling because we wanted to make a firm decision if we were ready to take it to the next step instead of being in over our heads with the "honeymoon phase."

 

Engagement shouldn't be a spontaneous thing and its why many marriages fail these days. I can see where his mothers concern is because you both only previously dated for a year... which was 5 YEARS AGO. You don't know each other very well or gave your relationship time to build before taking it to the next commitment level. I just hope you guys don't burn out over an impulsive decision here.

 

Marriage takes a LOT of effort and it is a very long commitment. The fact you guys didn't want to stay together even in a LDR shows that lack of commitment. I was with my fiance for 4 years and was moving around in different places... but we still made it work.

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I can understand his mother giving her piece, but it is purely up to you two.

Speaking on my own accord, i'd say you are rushing it. WHY do you need to be engaged? I do hope you do not plan on marrying any time soon?

Like mentioned above.. you two still have much grounding to do. Things need to build more in your relationship.

Even if you just remain engaged and not go further than that for at least a couple more years.. so you can keep working on this relationship etc.. should be okay.

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I can understand his mother giving her piece, but it is purely up to you two.

Speaking on my own accord, i'd say you are rushing it. WHY do you need to be engaged? I do hope you do not plan on marrying any time soon?.

They are totally rushing it and being very impulsive about their relationship that it's going to spell out a lot of upcoming problems.

 

This guy was dating a girl for 5 YEARS.... Suddenly drops a serious long term relationship for the OP? And after 8 months of dating... engagement?

 

So if he was able to drop a long term relationship to get with a girl he dated back in high school for one year... What's to say he won't change his mind again and to go back to another ex? There is NO solid long term commitment being expressed here before a wedding proposal and that is a serious concern to have when you walk in a marriage. You don't want to marry impulsive people or somebody you haven't spent enough time to build a relationship with.

 

This is just a bad idea all over and it's time to stomp on the brakes.

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