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Really feel like breaking NC


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Seriously, whether you tell yourself you expect a response or not....... you'll still be deep down HOPING for one.

 

Whether that response is a *reply* or just to make a difference in how she feels about the breakup..... you WANT one.

 

New Years, Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, anniversaries, graduation, losing a job, getting a promotion, moving to a new place, running into old friends, death of a pet, bought a new car, broke your left arm, etc etc etc......... the list goes on and on and on of all the days and life events that DON'T merit breaking No Contact!

 

The ONLY possible reason to break No Contact is if your ex contacts you and says "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together." If that happens, and if you still want to get back together, then go ahead and make contact.

 

Otherwise? Just post whatever you want to tell your ex here on the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread..... or just type it out, print it and burn it in a ceremonial gesture!

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I'm on day 34 of NC. Like you, I'm trying to justify breaking NC. The last 4 days I've been flipping out and unraveling. However, I don't want to start day 1 all over again. I miss her and want to reach out so badly. You just can't do it.

 

Write down what you want to say and then shred it-burn it-toss it, whatever, just don't send it....

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Just a few words short words. I wish you well sort of thing. Wouldn't expect a response.

 

On another subject: New years, then my b-day, are coming up... I really need to distract myself good on those days..

 

"A few short words" is still throwing your heart out there on a limb next to a beehive and hoping it won't get stung. Odds are ANY reaction or non reaction will hurt. It doesn't matter what we convince ourselves "won't bother us" when we're desperately trying to justify reaching out - the reality is usually worse. No reaction - he/she doesn't care. Bad reaction - what did I ever do to deserve her hating me like this? Iffy reaction - what does this mean? Is there hope?

 

NONE of these are going to help you continue to heal and focus on yourself. There isn't a single reaction that is really useful - even the outlandish scenario of her throwing herself at your feet begging forgiveness - because whatever caused the split is STILL THERE.

 

Nobody can force you not to - but you'd be setting yourself up for pain, confusion, and uncertainty.

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Really helpful reaction, thanks! Indeed there would be nothing they can send that would make you feel better except 'I've come to realise I've made a huge mistake letting you go' and let's face it, chances of that happening are small or they wouldn't have let you go in the first place.

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I so agree with you..I wish my ex contacts and realizes her mistake. But then its about her realising, you cant do anything about it. and even if you hope the wait will kill you. So better no hopes no breaking NC. Dont look for a temporary solution.

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I'm glad you posted here for a helping hand during an anxious moment, and I'm glad I just stumbled on your thread because I'm having one right now as well.

 

One thing that's helped keep me on the NC Wagon has been the memory I have of falling off of it in the past, many years ago. It really is true that no matter WHAT the outcome is you feel absolutely horrible the second you hit "send." No possible good outcome at all.

 

The other night I actually put together a carefully thought out phone text to her - one I was sure would send a very powerful message - and decided not to send it...yet. I left it there, ready to go, and decided to sleep on it. When I awoke and remembered this I hurriedly grabbed at my phone to be sure it hadn't been sent and deleted it. Thank GOD I had the wisdom to sleep on it that night.

 

You should be proud of yourself - this is not easy. You're taking care of yourself right now and it shows an amazing amount of strength!

 

Keep. It. Up.

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