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Where did I go wrong? Now she wont even talk to me!


Anonymous1993

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I've been starting to talk to this girl online for over a week now.

 

We got along well, we were always flirting and we had alot of meaningful talks.

 

She suffers from BiPolar disorder and Anxiety and has started recently taking medication to help.

 

I personally enjoy helping others with this kind of stuff, cause I know how it feels to have no one to talk too.

 

We talked alot about this, I would try to avoid talking about my own problems and simply keep the focus on her.

 

She said I was one of the nicest guys she spoke to and easy to talk to.

 

She recently finished her teaching degree at University and tutors children with disabilities.

 

This was something I really admired about her, her passion and commitment.

 

The only bad thing was, that she is leaving town 3 weeks from now to go tutor a Malaysian foreign exchange student..( Which I love her dedication, and I wasn't against the idea what so ever.)

 

So after a week of getting to know each other, we organized a quick meet and greet.

 

She seemed happy that I asked, and agreed instantly.

 

We organised a date and time. In which she then started to change.

 

Even though it was only text, I can tell something was up.

 

The time finally came to meet, and I get a message saying she'll be late.

 

She then goes to say she "has to do something first" and suggest we meet somewhere else instead.

 

So I agreed, and went to the spot she said.

 

Finally we got to see each other in person, conversation was slow to begin with and I thought it was going bad.

 

But after 10 minutes or so, we started walking and talking about everything and anything. Joking and laughing, it was going great I believed.

 

The date ended on talks about her Bipolar and Anxiety issues, and she said again I was easy to talk too.

 

We ended the date on a hug, in which she rested her head on my shoulder and we said our fair wells afterwards.

 

I was pretty happy with how it went, and all was good.

 

Later the next day, I would do the usual and send a "Good Morning text before work.

 

She didn't reply. So the next day I would send her a text seeing what she was doing that weekend.

 

Still nothing. I then asked on the 3rd day if the reason she stopped talking was for something I said, or did?

 

I said a text saying that I didn't mind if she wishes to stop talking (foolish, I REALLY do mind), but I'd like to know just what went wrong.

 

I kept my message kind with plenty of smiley's, I didn't want to make it seem demanding.

 

As I didn't want to come of angry or upset, cause that'll make her upset. Which I REALLY dont want.

 

She then replies back saying, "Sorry! I have been busy and never saw your message, honest."

 

I didn't believe her, but for the sake of it. I told her " That's fine, I believe you

 

Which the conversation didn't continue. It has been 2 days since that day with no communication.

 

I decided to shoot her a message on Facebook, seeing how she was feeling today.

 

The message was seen, with again no reply...

 

..

 

So here is my question, what did I do wrong? Was I too needy?

 

I wanted to give her, her space. But she leaves soon, and I was hoping to get to see her some more times before then..

 

I've never done many dates before, so I'm bad with what to look for?

 

There was a few occasions on the date that seemed perfect to make a move on her.

 

I.e. we were laying in the grass side by side staring at the stars and talking about how beautiful it was.

 

It sounds like a movie, but I swear it was how it happened.

 

Could me NOT making a move caused this to happen?

 

My mind is coming off with all sort of ideas.

 

(Considering this is a site to express what I'm thinking, I'm gonna say this idea that popped into my head...)

 

"She didn't want to fall in love, when she knew she was leaving town forever and stopped any form of contact to avoid falling further in love?"

 

Man, I feel like such a douche for thinking such things. But my mind is a mess! but I'm all out of other reasons! The night seemed perfect.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ruling out the fact that she might not have enjoyed that date at all.

 

But she seemed so happy, and cheerful and she was giggling almost the whole time.

 

This has effected me pretty bad, what I felt for this girl (even though we only spoken for a week) was something completely different.

 

Like, I'm honestly okay if we don't end up going out. But I just enjoyed the chats that much, that I'm okay with just being friends or just peace between us..

 

I really do care about her well-being, and her Bipolar and Anxiety problems.

 

I legitimately want to help her through it and be there for her. I want her to know, I'm still here to talk to about those problems.

 

But any more messages and I'll look like a creep...

 

I just want things to be back to normal...

 

What did you think went wrong?

 

Please, anything. Suggestions, thoughts.

 

This does really sucks..

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several things wrong.

 

- too much talking even if its to build rapport, quality interactions are made in person.

- always make a move, even if she rejects, it makes your intentions clear' shows youre sexually attracted to her, and arent scared to take the initiative

- the good morning text, she isnt your girlfriend

- the follow ups because she didnt respond

 

next time you can send a had a nice time with you we should do it again sometime text and follow up a week after. i understand shes going out of town but you shouldve waited for her to come back rather than suffocating her and scaring her (this is my opinion as harsh as it may sound).

 

the more girls you date and see the better youll get at this, also try reading the book 3% Man by Coach Corey Wayne found at link removed should help you out (i recommend it to anyone who has trouble with women)

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I think that she just didn't feel that connected to you in person. If she had really liked the date, no amount of goodmorning texts or follow ups or lack of moves or talking would matter. The fact that she laughed and seemed to have a good time during the date means nothing. I've been on many dates with guys I had met online and in most cases I did have a good time when the guy was polite, funny and talkative. But very few of them I was interested in seeing again. I think that the chemistry just wasn't there for her.

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Thanks I'll look into it. I completely understand about the follow up message, I just wanted some clossure on what happened as all. It was driving me nuts.

 

I always texted her good morning though, before the actual date.

 

But was it only because I didn't make a move? Cause that wasn't out of the ordinary for me to say that.

 

She was only given a reason not to reply back to me when I made the follow up messages. Not the good morning text.

 

So it would have had something to do with the actual date...

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I think that she just didn't feel that connected to you in person. If she had really liked the date, no amount of goodmorning texts or follow ups or lack of moves or talking would matter. The fact that she laughed and seemed to have a good time during the date means nothing. I've been on many dates with guys I had met online and in most cases I did have a good time when the guy was polite, funny and talkative. But very few of them I was interested in seeing again. I think that the chemistry just wasn't there for her.

 

I understand, there may have been no chemistry. But why cut me completely out of her life? If I am easy to talk to, why can't she just keep talking to me and just settle for friends...?

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Because not everyone wants more friends. Yes, she should have said something and not just ignore you but, unfortunately, many people do that when they meet people from online. I've had it done to me by guys.

 

Yeah perhaps, but I really felt sorry for her and what she been through. All I want to do is help. But I guess that's there decision to choose...

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I really do care about her well-being, and her Bipolar and Anxiety problems.

 

I legitimately want to help her through it and be there for her. I want her to know, I'm still here to talk to about those problems.

 

Anonymous, you have been talking to this girl for just over a week ... yet you are talking here as if this is someone you have known for a long time. You are also talking/acting as if you are her saviour or knight in shining armour. There just seems a too much familiarity here which can be off-putting to her. She might just want someone who can treat her normally and not try to "fix" her.

 

I can remember talking to a guy I had met online. We both had children. I was having a few minor problems with my eldest daughter who was still struggling with mine and her father's split. I told him a little bit about it. From then on he would constantly ask about her and tell me what I needed to do. He kept talking about the boundaries I needed to set her. This guy didn't know me. He didn't know my daughter and he didn't know what she was going on in her mind ... not REALLY... and I began to resent him for his "know it all" attitude. I felt as if he was trying to weadle his way into my life and make himself someone I needed to depend on and I didn't see his advice as genuine. Anyway, I know that is slightly different but, nevertheless, it was his over familiarity (ie. acting as if he was someone who knew me well) that I felt both overbearing and off-putting.

 

Maybe you simply came on too strong. Maybe she just wasn't feeling any chemistry. Maybe she was talking to other people too. Who knows. The point is you've made an effort and she isn't responsive so it is time to accept that it just wasn't meant to be.

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several things wrong.

 

- too much talking even if its to build rapport, quality interactions are made in person.

- always make a move, even if she rejects, it makes your intentions clear' shows youre sexually attracted to her, and arent scared to take the initiative

- the good morning text, she isnt your girlfriend

- the follow ups because she didnt respond

 

I agree with most of what you have said here but I don't agree with the part in bold. If she (or any girl) is hoping to find someone who is interested in more than just "making out" or sex then this could be a bad move. There are ways of letting people know that you are interested in them (ie. body language) without making it about sex (which is what making your intentions clear that you are sexually attracted to her WILL do).

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That's fair enough, but I never forced advice. I only offered to be someone to talk too. I told her I felt the same and that I know what she's going through.

 

I allowed her as much freedom as she liked, I was always cautious. Cause I know how hard it can be to talk about.

 

I told her my experiences aswell, to let her know I wasn't just trying to get in her life. I was allowing her into mine too, and why I feel so passionate towards the subject.

 

Plus it never got that "deep" on the date. Most of the meaningful conversations was before we went on the date.

 

So it makes no sense to me why she would have agreed to it in the first place if that was the case.

 

But you are right. I made an effort. I know I may regret it, but I felt the need send 1 last message.

 

"I know you may have your reasons for not talking to me, but I have to say just one thing first. Cause If I don't I'll regret it. I know you might not feel the same but I still see you as someone I care about, a friend. I honestly, want you to know that I'm here for you if you need someone to talk too. No strings attached. I care about you _____ and your well being. You deserve to be happy. Just like everyone else - I mean that. Chin up buddy. "

 

I know I may have ruined any chance of friendship, but I'm over holding back the truth. Is this too far, or ending on a good note?

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I don't think you need have any regrets, You were giving her opportunities and she just wasn't taking them. However, I personally don't think you need to send anything else. Whilst you feel that your offer of friendship is genuine, you BOTH know that you would really like it to be more and, as missmarple pointed out, she probably has all the real friends she needs .....and sending her another text, particularly THAT text, will just make her feel pressurised.

 

There is actually quite a lot of pressure in your text.

 

You have only known her for a very short period of time so saying that she is someone you care about and that you want to be there for her is coming on too strong and making yourself seem too needy.

 

Previously you said this ......

 

I personally enjoy helping others with this kind of stuff, cause I know how it feels to have no one to talk too.

 

We talked alot about this, I would try to avoid talking about my own problems and simply keep the focus on her.

 

Maybe she didn't like being under the spotlight so much and wanted to talk about you too. The chances are she probably doesn't feel she needs another person to offer her advice or help ... and thus "friendship".

 

You also asked her what went wrong. Well nothing went wrong .... she just wasn't feeling what she is supposed to feel when it comes to taking things to a higher level and, no doubt, she doesn't want to face being asked questions like that again.

 

So, to her you already represent someone who is possibly going to talk about things that she doesn't really want to talk about or make her feel in ways she doesn't want to feel so, to be frank, she could probably do without that kind of friendship, as could anyone. Saying "I know you may have your reasons for not talking to me, but ...." and "I know you don't feel the same ....." highlights that too. It also highlights how you REALLY feel about her, making your offer of friendship not really genuine and another reason why this kind of friendship isn't worth investing into as far as she is concerned. No-one likes to have to keep on rejecting someone and most likely your interactions will make her feel as if that is what she is doing. Saying that there are "no strings attached" actually says something completely different.

 

In essence I really don't think you would be helping yourself or making any difference if you send her a text like that.

 

She knows where you are. She knows how to contact you. She knows you are willing to hear whatever she has to say. She will get in touch with you if she wants to.

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I think you may be expecting a person with a lot of mental illnesses to behave normally. Don't do that. You barely know her and she has her own life and issues going on, before she even met you. I wonder if there is another guy in the picture as well.

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  • 1 year later...
Thanks I'll look into it. I completely understand about the follow up message, I just wanted some clossure on what happened as all. It was driving me nuts.

 

I always texted her good morning though, before the actual date.

 

But was it only because I didn't make a move? Cause that wasn't out of the ordinary for me to say that.

 

She was only given a reason not to reply back to me when I made the follow up messages. Not the good morning text.

 

So it would have had something to do with the actual date...

 

That last line is LOGICAL, which is how MEN perceive things. She is emotionally based and has options. You are absolutely too needing (preacher to the choir). Way too available, she has to do nothing and you will still reach out to her. So she is leaving soon, and she has you for backup while she explores her "options".

 

You disregard and rationalize behavior that drove her away. Example Texting good morning ... you say "I was doing that before the date" She wasn't your girlfriend before the date happened, during the date, or after. That is stalkerish, and you defiantly are not making her feel safe from you, (she probably hasn't even considered your ability to protect her from others). Leave her alone until she reaches out to you,,, that is all I have time to say, the link to Corey Wayne, will help.

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Ok, seriously... You've been talking to this girl a week? That message comes accross as downright creepy, I think you need to back off and leave her alone. She knows your number/Facebook etc, she will get in contact if she wants to. She doesn't need you telling her it'll all be ok.

 

You seem to be treating her like some pet project in trying to "sort her out". Even people with anxiety (of which I suffer from) are able to determine if someone is or isn't a match. She obviously isn't as into you as you are her or she was just very busy but either way you've probably blown it by being so over-burdening and creepy.

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