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Still closeted and live up to family's expectation


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I'm still closeted and i feel like I have to live up to everyone's expectation. I don't want to disappoint my love ones but right now I'm loving a guy who might or might not love me back. When i'm with him, i feel like myself and I was happy. On the other hand, when i try to find every single excuse to leave him and get him out of my life, I feel empty and soul-less. Feeling like i'm sacrificing for my parents and family. But inside i'm not happy at all.

 

I know the answer is to follow my happiness but i love my family as equally as i love him. So right now, i'm in the middle and it hurts. Please help!!!

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Are there any support groups in your area?

 

The number one thing you HAVE to remember is there is NOTHING wrong with you.

 

If your family has religious objections, than before you come out read this removed[/i]

 

And watch the following movies:

 

Fish Out of Water

 

For the Bible Tells Me So

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My female cuzin was like why cant u be gay?? She makes fun of me alot but i know she will accept it. My parents suspected because when i was little i acted really femine. But i know my mom would be in denial about it if i come out and my stepdad wouldnt believe that being gay is not a choice!! My sister would accept and my other cuzin will think its gross af XD My mom has blood pressure issue and my stepdad has anger issue >.> So i dont know how to come out the easy way...

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I havent come out yet. So i dont know if i'll be comfortable for ppl to find out that im in a LGBT support group.

 

These things can be very private. You don't have to tell anyone you are going. Do you tell everyone when you have a doctor's appointment or go to the grocery store? Of course not. I suggest looking into it at least and even if you don't go you can call them and see if they have any resources to help you.

 

Whatever you choose to do I still recommend those films and what I linked above.

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Without knowing how old you are or even what country you are from what your living arrangements are it is really difficult to say exactly what is best right now. Generally speaking coming out can be a progression from working on your financial independence from your family to working on a gay support network. Another generality is that the biggest obstacle is yourself how comfortable are you in your own skin? I would concentrate more on those things first than worrying about this guy you have feelings for. If you are that closeted chances for a healthy relationship are minimal. Even if you do all that it is still going to take some raw courage, but it is not like you are the first guy to ever go through this, coming out is a right of passage for most gay men. At some point there isn't much of an excuse left anymore, and this just needs to get done. This is one obstacle you can break down into smaller more manageable goals, and that is what you should do.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Jojunguyen, it took my brother about ten years to come out and during that time, everybody said he was in his shell, he was very quiet and introverted because he couldn't be himself and he had a secret life only online where he was himself, chatted to people on gay forums etc

Well ten years later he did come out and I was the first person he told and I encouraged him to tell everybody in the family, so he did and everybody was really nice about it, he had been dreading it so much but all the fears were in his head

He is now much happier, he has really good friends, he's less introverted because he can really be himself

If you go onto meet link removed ( or Craigs list if you are American ) there will be support groups

 

Actually when he first told my mum, she was trying to say to him he wasn't really gay, must be a phase he was going through but he stuck to his guns, they never fell out and now they are closer than ever. Though my mum was a bit disappointed at first, her love for my brother mattered the most and so she accepted him no matter what...;-)

 

I wish you all the very best for the future, if you would like any more advice PM me and I will ask my brother for more advice for you X X

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