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No self confidence left


lea2503

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It is safe to say, after being left for someone else I have no self confidence left at all, not even the tiniest bit.

When the one person i loved the most uped and left for someone else I was completely broken, and 3 months on I still am.

The hardest part is trying not to compare myself to this other girl and all the things he's doing with her now instead of me.

 

Any suggestions?

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I feel for you coz I went through basically the same thing.

 

Here is how I handled it and I hope it helps you too:

 

I had to 'accept' that it was finally over between us.

I joined a couple of dating sites and I was busy in a short period of time.

I've been with this lady since June and things are looking great for the two of us.

 

Try to focus on the fact that there was something that your ex really liked about you from the start. That means that somebody else will like those traits too.

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It is safe to say, after being left for someone else I have no self confidence left at all, not even the tiniest bit.

When the one person i loved the most uped and left for someone else I was completely broken, and 3 months on I still am.

The hardest part is trying not to compare myself to this other girl and all the things he's doing with her now instead of me.

 

Any suggestions?

 

I think the key is in realizing he's just a fallible human being, like we all are. And as such, he has no real power to pronounce your worth and value--nor does anyone have that power, except you. Most people walk blind through this life in one way or another. Just because he didn't see something beautiful in front of him doesn't mean it wasn't there. So try to move on and have faith for the future, because there's someone else out there that needs you, and will see how much you're worth.

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It is safe to say, after being left for someone else I have no self confidence left at all, not even the tiniest bit.

When the one person i loved the most uped and left for someone else I was completely broken, and 3 months on I still am.

The hardest part is trying not to compare myself to this other girl and all the things he's doing with her now instead of me.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Hey,

 

first of all i would like to say we are here for you. specially myself! it seems we have a similar story.

 

My ex left me for someone.. and we had a 6 years relation. She is with someone else now, she is even getting married to him as soon as next few months.

 

I know how it feel like when there is no one for you. Right now we both are in 3 month mark. I'm on NC aswell and i hope you are doing the same.

 

Just a advice for you, Please please please... dont try to get back, do NOT try to talk to him. He ditched you for someone else.. How about you ditch him now for your own self?

 

I know its IMPOSSIBLE! even i cant do this.. but we can help each other. I hope this would bring something new in our lives. We still have quite a lot to live for. Life is really moving forward and we cant afford to get stuck here.

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Hi Lea,

 

Sorry for your loss. We know how you feel and it is NOT easy to deal with. So many hurts & pains.

Take it one day at a time.

To work on your own 'self worth' after being knocked down so hard can take a little while. This is just ONE man who had come into your life. Not sure of your age or how long you two were together, but no matter what, it does hurt.

 

As you come to terms with the loss- which cant take a while- few months? This time you have- on your own- you can now deal with YOU. Take this time to sit back and think about everything.

I find, over time as things ease off and slow down in our minds, we CAN admit that THEY too are at a loss.

They lost US. They lost a 'good thing' in their life, so it is not just us, who has lost.

 

They do often come to realize and admit after a while, they 'regret' what they've done & some appologize.

 

For now.. you can cry..vent...etc. Let out the hurts inside. It'll hurt for a while.. BUT in time, your values will increase again.

Take it one day at a time... don't rush into anything more for a good while. As you DO need to heal now and work on your own self esteem again. Look to moving on WHEN you are 'happy' again as yourself.

 

If you feel it's needed, maybe look into some therapy, if it's too much for you... it never hurts to look for some 'help' and from those who understand.

 

Take care

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Yes, Lea, it can be. As it holds many of those 'firsts'.

Try not to belittle yourself over this, though, okay. We've all had our firsts and yes, we'll always remember that 'one'.

 

In due time.. it will start to get better. In meantime.. take it slow. Work on you, getting your stability, heart & mind back in order. Always good to take time out to deal with our own issues and get back to 'happy' again...alone.

 

take care

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I personally do not think dating is the best idea after going thru a breakup for at least 3 months if not more. I myself have no interest in dating. In my 20s I always replaced one relationship with another to get thru the pain and that is what I did. Problem was, I didn't heal from one before I moved on and moved all those feelings to the new guy. What a bad idea that was. In the process, I hurt a lot of people when I realized I wasn't ready to move on so quickly. Now in my 30s I see that its best to give things time. But, to each their own. I always heard NEVER make any major decisions or changes in your life for at least 3 months after. So, I follow that now knowing what I do. Self-esteem takes a huge blow after any breakup. I remember going thru one before and not being able to get off my couch. I got comfortable with my guy and now (dont even know if we are broken up but moving on for the most like we are) I am working on trying to get myself back. Even if him and I never work thru things at least I will have my self esteem back. I really got lazy and comfortable. Both of us did. Now, this might be the kick in the butt I need to get back to working on getting me back.

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Hey that's no good. I've been there for sure, and I was left for another guy. It left me feeling totally worthless. I'd say even 9 years later, I still feel the sting, it was pretty traumatic. That said, try to take a step back and figure out what you want from this. This rejection was a huge blow to your self esteem. But ask yourself, how do you want to feel right now? Do you want to stew in this moment and relive the rejection over and over in your head? ORRRRR do you want to be happy, confident and full of love for your life?

 

At one point, you'll get tired of feeling sorry for yourself and you'll pick yourself up and seek good times again. I strongly urge you do things you like and get this process started sooner than later. The feelings you're experiencing at 20 are just as valid as mine in my thirties, thing is, it's a lot more fun and free when you're 20, so go out and enjoy one of the funnest times in your life. You don't need your ex, you just need you to be happy. The rest will fall into place, trust me from someone who's been through this over and over.

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I feel the same way. My confidence has changed a great deal. I am either convinced no one likes me and stay home or go out and think everyone is happy and has no interest in me at all. It's very very annoying. I read something good online that may help you though-you have to tell yourself truths a lot, because you will be feeling things that are emotionally true, but they're not true true-for example, you might emotionally feel that you were not good enough for this guy but the actual real truth is he was not good enough for you-he's the one who left you for someone else, this is not a good character trait. If you just try and look at things objectively it will help you with your confidence because these are just fears in your head, they're not the truth and you must remind yourself of that a thousand times a day until you know it well enough.

 

I am going to be trying this out myself because my heart has been saying all sorts of rubbish and making me very low confidence. Don't think about your ex anymore. Don't even think about if he regrets, if he's gone for good, if this meant that, if you did that...don't give ANY of it the time of day. No answering any questions. Just think about your own truths in life and what you want to do in life objectively then start to do it. Like I said, I'm gonna try this too. I hope we both get our confidence back.

 

The worst thing I do is I see a cute guy and automatically tell myself he is with someone etc etc. Sometimes they're not!

 

If you start to think about "you know who" just tell your mind STOP. Then continue thinking about your ambitions. Over time this will not be an effort, you will just do it. I long for this day....

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"The worst thing I do is I see a cute guy and automatically tell myself he is with someone etc etc. Sometimes they're not! "

 

Haha! I was just thinking the same about girls. Fact is most people dont talk to them at all because they are intimidated!

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I think I am that intimidating cute girl. The sadder thing is that we get all the horrible men chatting us up and we think "Oh no one else wants me...".

 

I think the nasty men are just more proactive. I'm never at a shortage for horrible men coming onto me. Never. It seems there are just so many types of horrible men they sometimes fool me.

 

The nice ones do seem to always be genuinely too shy or something. And I get confused and think they aren't interested because they are being vague.

 

I've just had a guy who I was getting romantically involved with years ago- and then he went off me quickly and abruptly-contact me saying he was intimidated by how clever I was an how much he fancied me and so he pushed me away. He has now told me he likes me again now but he'd being really confusing saying things like "it doesn't mean i'm going to act on it because I live far away anyway" but also saying we can't talk all the time because he likes me a lot. WEIRD.

 

The story of my entire love life is just that WEIRD.

 

I would like to learn a new way of meeting the right men. Not location wise or anyway, just what to look for and how to approach people...because I either get bastards or confusing situations like this. I mean, this guy didn't want me before, and as lovely as everything he's said is, I can not trust him right now. I'm all broken hearted and traumatised atm!

 

I am sorry....I have hyjacked your thread....and with spelling mistakes everywhere.....je suis desolie....

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