Dilemma

[Nandini]

Hi, My sister's was a love marriage. Brother-in-law is a small time engineer but her in-laws are rich and she lived with them for 5 years after marriage. Then they had a kid and she could not adjust in joint family and suggested husband to move out. But husband cant leave old parents and does not earn much. My sister earns much more and can manage all the expenses. But my brother in law felt that petty fights at home are not worth taking seriously and refused to live separately. So my sister left his home and staying now with my parents for the past 4 years and waiting for her husband to shift to a new home. But he was waiting for her to move her back into his home. In these 4 years, they met only on weekends, spoke very little. Now kid has grown up and is 9 years old and misses dad very much and wants dad to be with him. So dad came to our place, staying now for the past 1 month but still unable to decide whether to start an independent family. my sister waited enough and now is restless. He is still thinking and unable to decide. So she gave him a month's deadline to either stay separately or divorce her. he is a nice guy but a little irresponsible otherwise how could he stay for 4 years without her? The kid doesnot let him go now but his parents are calling him back. My sister tried her best to blackmail him emotionally and she succeed too but not really sure until he actually shifts.

How to make him leave his parents and stay with my sister? Is my sister wrong? Kid needs both parents, so how is she wrong in asking him to leave his parents and live separately? All our families live in the same city.

I feel that a guy who could not decide in 4 years cant decide now also. Or will he now that the kid wants him to stay back? What will my brother in law finally do? Any advices?

 

Thanks

[Lester]

Very confusing... Introduce ENA to your sister and have her speak to us directly?

[lavenderdove]

There are many other solutions to this problem they could investigate. As in living in two houses next door to each other or within a couple blocks of each other, where the son could help the elderly parents but the wife could still have her own home. Or they could buy a large house that had to separate living quarters (i.e., two kitchens, separate living areas) so that they each have privacy.

 

I think also what the guy's behavior is saying is that he is not willing to risk his inheritance and displease his parents for the sake of pleasing his wife. Many people will NOT risk being disinherited from a large amount of money. Their attitude is they can always get a new wife if she leaves him, but they can't get new rich parents again if he displeases them and gets disinherited.

 

The sister also kind of blew her credibility by moving in with her own parents. If she REALLY needed to live independently, she would have moved into a house of her own rather than back to her own parents house. Her husband is probably annoyed that she is willing to live with her own parents, but not with his...

 

so she can draw that line in the sand, but it sounds like he basically made his choice 4 years ago when he refused to move out with her.

[jjkk]

How to make him leave his parents and stay with my sister?

She can't. You can't force someone to do something. I don't know why he refuses to leave but there's something that is keeping him separated from your sister. If they are having a conflict of some kind, perhaps you could suggest they go to marriage counseling to patch things.

 

"Kid needs both parents, so how is she wrong in asking him to leave his parents and live separately?" I don't think she's wrong to ASK but it doesn't mean he will.

 

"I feel that a guy who could not decide in 4 years cant decide now also" I agree, you're probably right about that. It doesn't take 4 years to decide something like this.

 

I have no idea what he will do. It sounds like your sister gave him a month to figure it out or get divorced. When the month is up, you'll have your answer.