Fight for her or Delusional?

[P4YN]

Hello everybody,

 

I'm gonna share my history, and i want your advice/tips/opinions if you have them.

 

I dated this girl for 2 years.

We really liked each other, and this was the first serious relationship we both had.

3 month ago i talked to her, that we should end this "on and off situations", because she was going to college and i was at the unemployed and not doing anything with my life, and i felt that it would be better for her to forget me and move on, not being attached to someone.

And we haven't talked for 3 months.

 

During this time i thought i could forget her as well, but i realized i don't want this, i want her, i wanna be with her.

 

I went to talk to her about how i feel, how i miss her, and how i wanna get back together.

She told me it was really hard for her to forget me, forget us, and she was happy now, single.

 

We've been talking for these couple weeks, facebook, texts, on the phone.

She told me she's seeing someone, it's not a relationship, she doesn't see any future with him, they haven't had sex, but they are together every now and then, she likes his company.

She also said to me that she still has some feelings for me and always will have, but at the moment she doesn't see any future with me, and that i hurt her a lot and she needs time to thing, its hard.

 

When i was talking to her on the phone, saying how happy we were together and that we could be that happy again, even better, she said: "why didn't you come talk to me 1month ago, it would've been so much easier".

 

We talk a lot, she tells me about her day, what's she doing, about college, friends, we talk about our past sometimes.

 

But again, she is so defensive, she always throws at me that i was the one that broke up, and push her away.

 

We both mess with each other's head so much, i know it. She said she's not in an easy position, and she was fine before i came talk to her.

 

I don't know how to think, what to do.

 

Am i being delusional, and i should forget and move on?

or Should i fight for her, be patient, give her time to think, and try to be together with her?

 

I really like her, my heart is hurting so much.

 

Please, give me advices/tips/opinions, anything that can help me, thank you all!

[Edmund Exley]

You cant fight for someone who has decided they don't want to be in a relationship with you. Sorry, fighting for the girl is romantic movie fodder.

 

On top of that, she is repeatedly showing you the guilt. She says she's happy now that she's single. Respect that.

[TiffanyM]

Hi Fella,

The thing that stands out the most in your story is that you feel like you're not doing anything with your life, that you're unemployed (or were) and that you seem to lack a real passion that is about something you desire outside of your fixation on your ex. It's easier to focus on her, even if painful, than to point the lens towards yourself, your life and your future. Something is going on here that speaks to deeper issues. I'd recommend that you start looking at yourself, your dreams, your internal world, your emotional life, your family system and all of the things that led you to be unfulfilled at this point in your life - not for her, but for YOU.

 

You deserve to have a full, exciting, passionate life - partnered or no - and you gotta find out what's getting in the way of that.

 

* As always, I recommend that you find a great therapist to help you figure this stuff out!

[Dragunov-21]

She told me it was really hard for her to forget me, forget us, and she was happy now, single.

 

She also said to me that she still has some feelings for me and always will have, but at the moment she doesn't see any future with me, and that i hurt her a lot and she needs time to think, its hard.

 

We both mess with each other's head so much, i know it. She said she's not in an easy position, and she was fine before i came talk to her.

 

If you're "fighting for her", the only thing you'll be fighting is the choice that she has made that she is done with you from a romantic perspective. And that's not a good thing.

 

Please don't continue to pursue someone who doesn't want to be with you just because you feel there's a chance you might succeed.