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Ex boyfriend and his life issues.


malenstwo

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Hello

 

Long story short.

 

We were together for nearly a year, and we were so so so happy together, we were in love, had great plans for the future you know all that stuff. I can even tell, he was that one that was more serious about us and our future. Three weeks ago he broke up with me after a little argument without giving me a proper reason. It was hard, especially that we would see each other at work. After two weeks I have texted him telling him that I think it is about time we collect our stuff from our homes. He texted back the next day and said we should meet up for a catch up. During our meeting we started talking about the break up and he said he missed me horribly, and that he really regrets breaking up with me, however he feels like he's not ready. I didn't really understand so he explained it; said that he has issues from his childhood that haunt him now, and that is something he never told anyone, and that he doesn't want me to be involved. ( I have a strong feeling its to do with his passed away dad, he would never tell me how his dad passed away and would have nightmares about him) I said to him that I do not expect him to tell me what it is, but if he ever feels like he's ready, he can always tell me and I will never judge him. He told me that I gave him lots of support when we were together without knowing it so I'm really confused why he decided to break up with me because of this?

 

During our catch-up he was incredibly happy I seriously haven't seen him so happy in ages. He couldn't keep his hands of me, at first he would touch me 'by accident' and then he couldn't stop hugging me. He walked me home and tried kissing me good bye but I didn't let him. Basically he was all over me. I got a text from him when I got home that He is really happy that we've met and he is hoping to see me again really soon.

 

Next day at work he would pop in to my unit even few times an hour, and he even brought me little treats like he would always do. Couldn't keep his hands off me again, and kept hugging me and wouldn't let go.. Basically it was like we were couple again.. He was so happy.

 

I'm so confused.. clearly I make him happy and he knows I love him and would never judge him or walk out on him!! I'm also confident he still loves me to and obviously missed me... So why doesn't he want to be with me?? What could be his feelings and what is in his mind?! How to deal with this?

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It's a trap! Don't fall for it...

 

Seriously, think about it. If he can tell you he misses you, pay attention to you, buy you little things and want to be together physically... why can't you slap a label on it? It's the same thing. It's just a word.

 

The only answer to this is that it's because he wants to be able to date other people too.

 

Personally, I would tell him that if he wants to or is ready to get back together than you'd love to talk about it (if you do) - but that you are not up for living in a gray-zone of FWB or limbo-land.

 

Love yourself first. What he is asking of you is unfair unless all you want from him TOO is just FWB (and - let's be honest - it's not)

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I'm gonna go against what everyone else said, just to give you the other side of the coin. I could be wrong, but it seems VERY SIMILAR to something I did in the past.

 

After a break up I once had, I was extremely unsure of the decision I made. I felt it wasn't right to get back yet, because I wanted to give the other person some space (at the time, even though I wanted to be back together, I felt like if they asked me to get back, I'd have said no only out of spite.... I felt we both needed some space for a bit I guess). But at the same time I didn't want to lose them as I had every intention of potentially getting back with them one day. So I read online a bunch of advice things, and some people said the best way is to stay friendly. So the way I had interpreted it, was I started to text my ex at the time once in a while and pretend to be extremely happy (almost excessive) as if life was going absolutely great without them (even though I was dying inside and all I wanted was to be back with them, but I felt it was too early and if we did, we'd just be going back to the same mess we had before.. I needed time to work on myself). But I kept trying to always be as happy as possible to remind my ex that I can be interesting (it was a way for me to try to change too, cuz I realized that towards the break up, we had both become quite miserable people, so it was a way for me to show that I can change). But of course I wanted to make sure it lasted so I kept working on myself and kept trying to be happy all the time. iunno it was my way of trying to win them over. In the end we did get back together... but we did break up in the end again as I guess we were not meant to be afterall... but that's just my side of the coin for interpreting his actions... I have no idea if that's what he's doing...

 

All I know, is that for me, it had nothing to do with wanting to date other people (I did try to move on at one point... and it was horrid... all I could do was compare them against my ex and of course my ex won everytime cuz I was still in love)

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My ex is naturally a really happy person, he always talks to everyone and jokes around, I have never met anyone like him! But after our break up he was really miserable and stopped talking to people and now he is happy again. Yeah he could be doing all of that to make me thing he is okay without me but he told me he's not!! These could only be my hopes and wishes but I think that he's acting likes these (hugging me, treating me and so on) because he still loves me and missed me. I even had our co-workers coming up to me after our break up and telling me he's miserable and moody and one of them told me yesterday that he asked her to tell me he is really happy, and then she said he really is.

 

And if that's the case - me making him happy, I don't understand why he doesn't want me to help him through whatever is he going through right now?! If he's acting like we are together again then what difference would it make us actually being together? I do understand man have different ways of getting over their problems and I understand it just man thing.. But if he really wanted me out of it, and if he really wouldn't want to be with me, why would he act like this ?

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why would he act like this ?

 

Because he's selfish and immature. Plenty of people have childhood traumas or tragedies that don't intefere in their adult life. But most people usually want the person they love beside them to help cope with life's difficulties.

 

So, either he really is unable to focus on both you and whatever is troubling him or he is just using it as an excuse to push you away.

 

IMVHO, no matter what the reason all signs point to him not being ready or able to have an real adult relationship.

 

Stop wasting your time. Otherwise, you're a girlfiend of "covenience"- whenever it's convenient for HIM.

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Well, it's pretty obvious you aren't really listening to the advice here. I think the veterans are spot on when they say you have someone who wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. More often than not, when someone does this they want the option to date others.

 

Breakups are hard on both people. But a man doesn't risk losing the one he intends to marry by ending it like this. He seems moreso like he's doing the typical "using you to get over you" stuff.

 

It's a shame too. I think if you had cut him off from the beginning, you actually might have had a chance to reconcile.

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