Jump to content

Your toughts ? The friend of my ex


vanana

Recommended Posts

Hi ! I wanted opinions on my special situation. I have been single for about a month, things were horrible with my ex and I had been ready to move on for months so I already felt ready to date people.

One day I met with his friend/neghbor because he wanted to buy a video game I don,t like , we talked a lot, ate and even went for drinks. We had no idea this was gonna be like that at all ! We just really clicked and even went back to my place,he missed work the next day and didn't leave until 4pm because we had such a good time. (yes sex happened) but he was also very cuddly and sweet. I didn't feel like an object.

 

We were both very surprised by that and said we have to keep this low profile for obvious reason for now. We saw each other again 2 days later. Great time,talk cuddle etc again. He initiated small talk on facebook in between and I saw him

again yesterday. After dinner we had a talk about our situation and he was feeling worried and bad because he's lying to all his friends and feel like a bad person. I think I made him feel a lot better and made good points. I told him nobody cheated or stole anyone, it just happened naturally. Also my ex isn't his best bud , he also isn't close with anyone in their social circle.On the other hand he is very close with his friends so they would probably be happy for him. And to help with his moral issues I also said do you remember that time my ex said to us ' there is nothing wrong with stealing someone's gf, furnitures can be moved' . He seemed to feel a lot better after that !

 

I felt like he opened up a lot, he saw we really can be open and share feelings. he was very sweet and cuddling, he doesn't want to hurt me, he says he feels bad we have to sneak around. I told him I'm okay with that, we are in the dating phase, after some time when we see where we really stand we either come out or stop and he's like yes you are right! The rest of the night was very very nice, lots of talk and cuddle, I felt the connection grow. He even stayed the night even if he had told me he wouldnt stay tonight. (it wasn't to have sex, we already had it that night)

 

So I'm curious about your toughts, do you feel like its going good ? Do you think the guilt has been mostly dealt with ? We've known each other for over a year and always had a good relationship, this kind of relationship is new but he is so sweet, cuddly and open than I feel it might go somewhere.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Qwit: I have healed yes, I feel so much better, I should have left months before.

 

Edmund: The guy I'm dating is the one close with friends in the circle and love them, my ex is more of an acquaintance, he doesn't talk much. The akward thing is that they are neighbors and there will be drama when we come out. I don't see why his friends would be part of it though, I think it's my ex who will freak out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Qwit: I have healed yes, I feel so much better, I should have left months before.

 

Edmund: The guy I'm dating is the one close with friends in the circle and love them, my ex is more of an acquaintance, he doesn't talk much. The akward thing is that they are neighbors and there will be drama when we come out. I don't see why his friends would be part of it though, I think it's my ex who will freak out.

 

Let me explain bro code to you. It doesn't matter how close the ex is. The new guy will be seen as a betrayer. Its territorial instinct really. They will think "If he will cross the boundaries with him, he could do it with me"

 

You are adults and don't need anyone's validation. I am just telling you there will be massive fall out, no matter how you reason it away. If your both OK with that, then its really no ones business.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Edmund is right, this will lead to a massive fallout so be prepared if you want to move forward.

 

I was in a similar situation recently that has led to resentment and hatred. My ex of 1.5 years was sleeping with me and stringing me along while I was open and honest with her in wanting us to have a future together. During the last 6 weeks she developed feelings for another guy who I knew. Things blew up when my exe's friend (who was banging this guy) found out my ex had feelings for him. We broke up. She killed all trust I ever had with her, and her friend is also angry at her for her feelings. Of course I now hate this guy and feel betrayed and lied to by both of them. What a disgusting mess it has become.

 

Best of luck if you move forward.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The situation will be messy but that's not a reason to stop seeing this guy. Complicated beginnings of relationships happen quite a bit. It's not uncommon but it's certainly not drama free. Just be prepared for the drama and be prepared for people to dislike you and this guy because of this situation. The good thing is that the drama only lasts for so long. Your ex may dislike this guy for a very long time if he finds out, BUT other people will care less as time progresses.

 

Also before making this public, date a bit longer just to ensure you both are compatible and that this is really worth the risk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the situation may or may not end up in drama. But I think you should prepare yourself emotionally because this guy can bail on this at anytime.

 

You kind of seem full speed ahead towards a relationship. By the way I think you mean thoughts and not toughts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know what will happen in your situation, but I can tell you what happened when this same scenario happened to me.

 

An ex broke up with me in a very abrupt and unpleasant way (he was cheating), and 4-5 months later a friend of his admitted to having been interested in me all along, asked me out and we started dating. I had no problem with this, as I didn't owe my ex anything, but the guy I was dating struggled. He wanted to keep "us" a secret from my ex, and I went along with that.

He seemed fine in the beginning, but as the time went by he started showing clear signs of discomfort, dating his friend's ex was weighing more and more on his conscience. He started getting drunk quite often, starting fights with me out of nowhere, and those fights were mostly about me having chosen to date my ex instead of him, why he was second best, etc.

I had to break up with him eventually, because the whole situation had become unbearable.

 

Your situation may be different though, it depends on the guy and his feelings for you.

But yes, be prepared for some awkward situations, and for some ups and downs on his part.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leo: I'm sorry for the situation you had.. I have clear conscience on that on my part.. NC with my ex, I'm not playing any games or double dating. I never cheated and I never planned to date his friend. I always found him interesting but never thought it could happen one day.

 

I know some drama will happen for sure.. can't be helped. Yeah I seem to be going fast maybe lol.. I've always been a bit intense ahha.. But it's not like someone new. I knew this guy even a bit before my ex. He is the kind of man I want. It clicks a lot.

I just hope he won't bail and feel too guilty yeah.

 

greta: I'm sorry for that :s .. At least there isn't any choosing resentment in my situation, he had a girl in his life while I was dating my ex. we both had a ty run. But the conscience thing could happen yeah.. I'm being open and I'm communicating and not putting pression on him. I'll see what happen !

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...