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What do you do when your life has been turned upside down


Horus94

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Ever since my break up, my internal life has been turned upside down. Everything that i have been running away from as a child, all comes flooding back to me. I'm not sure why i could only feel years of pent up resentment and rejection only now. I feel weak like i have no purpose to live anymore. I stopped enjoying the things that i thought i enjoyed. I am a musician and recently i don't find any joy in making music anymore. Its constantly thoughts of oh others are better than me, there is no future in this etc.

 

I always fear people looking down on me and my thoughts on relationships have all been ripped apart. I used to think love was all that was needed to make a relationship work. I thought that people only broke up when both of them fell out of love with each other.

 

I look myself in the mirror and hate myself. I find it hard to believe anything good will ever happen to me again. Its been a very scary of self discovery and i'm afraid i might not make it through this with a positive attitude. I've become cynical and jaded. I can't let go of the stupid things i did to sabotage my life and relationships.

 

There is a girl that i think might like me and i like her too, and there are projects that i want to finish. But this crippling fear is stopping me from doing anything about it. Fear is what drives me through the day and i'm sick of it.

 

I want to contact my ex to cry to her and have her reassure me but i know that that is just lying to myself. She loves someone else now. And i have to stick to no contact. But it has been so hard. My parents have never really showed me love and affection and thats alright. But i really fear i don't have the strength in me to change my life by myself.

 

I really wish i could have some sort of hope to hold on to. To keep me going. Any of you ever dealt with a situation like this? Where everything you believed was turned upside down? Any input is appreciated thanks.

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Your down and out- hit rock bottom? I know how that feels. I am very close to that too. I hit my rock a few months ago.

I have gone into therapy, done some 'group therapy' and am taking something for depression/anxiety. (Cipralex & Elavil).

 

I also lost interest in so many things.. my games, my music etc. That isn't ME. It's been awful this year.

BUT I Know I have to keep going. I need to keep trying to move on.

Every day is a different day.. and we need to sometimes slow things down a bit. Life can be crazy & overwhelming.

I've also lost a love, 8 mos ago - he was in my life for 5 yrs. Has been VERY hard to accept.

 

I suggest you get in to see your dr and ask about something to 'help you' with your depression/anxiety as you're finding it hard to 'go on' in life.

Get onto something there and give it a cpl of weeks to start improving. Meanwhile, you need to TRY and keep trudging along. Make sure you get your rest, eat well. Get out now n then for some air.. exercise, etc.

 

Stick around here as well.. as you're not alone.

One day at a time.. first things- IF you don't have anything to help you out with your 'issues', I suggest you get on that.

So you CAN attempt to improve...

 

take care

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Now is the time more than ever to direct your energy on what your want. Whatever has your attention, gets your attention. Accept that you're going through a hard time, but unleash the power within you to look at the pain, and say not now. Choose to be happy, choose to slay the beast, because it can spiral downwards very quickly. Otherwise some sort of mentoring or counselling might be good? Good luck!

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I found myself in a similar situation. A very difficult upbringing. When my ex suddenly left 2 months ago, I found myself reconsidering all my childhood demons. I have since been told that this is normal. In difficult times, we find ourselves going over other issues again. It's okay to do that. You are maybe looking for reasons that you relationship didn't work. But the reason isn't you. It's your ex partner.

 

Instead of going over your childhood and other past difficulties, and confirming in your mind that you are not a good, or clever, or interesting person, look instead at how your previous difficulties brought you to all the achievements you enjoy today. What previous difficulties made you produce great music that you were proud of? What past difficulties ended up in you getting the job you are in, or living where you are, or trying something new that you ended up thoroughly enjoying? My previous difficulties made it easier for me to emigrate to a place not speaking English and both combined made me the strong woman I am today. And it ain't over yet!

 

This lack of interest in yourself right now is only temporary. It really is. If you were not an amazing person, you wouldn't have been able to enjoy your life previously. The fact you have had lots of interests and activities before tells me that you are not only capable of these things, but must enjoy them again. There isn't any other outcome. And it won't be long before this happens again. Meanwhile, why not force yourself to do some activities? For me, I started painting again. It was tough cuz HE had bought me all my art supplies and I generally painted for HIM. But when I started again, a picture for a friend, I found to my surprise I was enjoying myself, even though I had had to force myself to sit down and start.

 

What are you more afraid of? Doing stuff again...or never doing them? I thought so - now go and do something relaxing!

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You are grieving. Look up the five stages of grief. Its normal to feel depressed after a break up and to feel insecure for awhile.

 

But i feel you lack self esteem which means there is a danger your confidence wont come back unless you face your demons and deal with your emotional baggage.

 

I think seeing a counsellor would be good for you. What happened is obvious. You probably never had much confidence or a good sense of self worth. You placed all your worth on your relationship and this girl loving you which temporarily gave you pride and confidence but now that she is gone-all that has gone with her.

 

It needs to come from within you. You need to love yourself before you get with someone so then no matter what noone can take that away from you. Depending on others for happiness, confidence etc is a recipe for disaster

 

work on you and be alone until you feel good about yourself again

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Hi Demonerrad!!

I think life is about getting rid of our old and expired and entring into our new and inspire. what they call the art of "let go"

we should not mix our old and new. when we live our new self, new breath, new cells, new days,and as the others where saying, living our moments and day to day life ...we are living the flow of life.

it is the world of wonderment and joy and not the world of self pleasing memories and so called mind games ...lol..how do you enjoy yourself???

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Hi Demonerrad - I was in your exact position 18 months ago - and now I can tell you my life is better than ever. I hated myself, felt guilt, lost my dad, my brother was put in jail over threats he made to me. It resulted in not taking care of myself, depression, drinking plus on anti-anxiety pills. I really had a "thinking problem" more than anything. It took changing my environment completely - in fact I moved 1300 miles away. Not that I suggest that - but it really sounds like you need a break from your environment.

You mentioned "love" a few times - and the number one thing I didn't do (sounds the same for you) - is love myself and to feel worthy of loving myself. Also I was going into this Crazy 8 pattern of feeling sad and lonely - to going into a ticked off and mad episode - which I would nurse with bad choices like drinking. I'm a musician too - and I didn't feel like playing at all either - my motivation was lost. The first thing I can say that worked for me on this journey is to learn what you really want in life, love yourself, and know that you're worthy of it.

 

Avision said it right - where you put your attention - is where you're going to get more of the same results! I wish you the best my friend - you will pull through just like I have - and remember you're never alone! Take care!

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