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It has now been 3 months since my ex boyfriend broke up with me after 2 and a half years together.

 

It has been one month that he has been in a relationship with a new girl (LDR) and one week of no contact.

 

Still struggling big time, I hope the day will come when he's not the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to bed.

 

The urge to contact him is getting less and less, but it's still there, just can't get my head around how someone can be your best friend and talk and see them every day then all of a sudden they're gone, off with someone else, and couldn't care less.

 

Last time we spoke he found out I was back in contact with an old friend (just a friend nothing else) this person also happens to be an old friend of my ex although they haven't spoke since they were in school with one another so about 4 years ago. My ex went crazy at me and even went as far as to message this boy saying he's not allowed to talk to me! I feel like he's still trying to control my life even though we're no longer together.

 

In a couple of days it will be his sisters 4th birthday, this kills me. This is the little girls nappies I used to change, used to babysit and take out on day trips to the zoo even if my ex wasn't present. The urge to wish a happy birthday is strong but I think it's best to stay NC, his family know my thoughts will be with her.

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I can understand the urge to wish his sister a happy birthday -- but I agree it's for the best to stay in No Contact. His family is HIS family, and they'll have to welcome his current and future girlfriends into their fold... such is life.

 

Although you've been broken up three months, you've only had a week of No Contact and your healing really only starts there. There's no reason to contact him or any of his friends or relatives from now on -- and you should have them all blocked on Facebook as well. No Contact isn't something you stick to for a week here or there -- it's meant to be forever, to create a safe environment around yourself so you can begin to HEAL. It's worth it!

 

Keep posting, you're doing great.

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I have to be honest.... last year was pretty bad, as you know my ex dumped me right before Halloween.

 

There was no contact until New Year's Eve, he sent me this awful long rambling email that was just an apology. So he could feel better about going out to celebrate with his new girlfriend, while I was home alone on New Year's still crying over him. New Year's Eve has special significance for me as I'd written a movie about it, which is why I'm sure my ex felt even more compelled to unburden himself of his guilt on that night especially.

 

ANYWAY. I got through it -- and so will you! Thanksgiving's already over with. And really, the week of Christmas and New Year's is rough but don't forget it's ONLY one week long! And what's nice about it is there's plenty of candy and comfort foods and liquor to get you through hahahahaaaa!

 

So yeah, I ate a lot of fattening foods, drank a lot, hung out with my son and watched fun old movies. It wasn't great, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The worst part was actually hearing from my ex -- that messed me up for several months afterwards.

 

This year is MUCH MUCH better!

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We are probably on the same sort of time scale with breakups then, he announced his new girlfriend on Halloween!

Yeah I'm hoping it's not going to be as bad as I think, I'm working quite a bit over Xmas so hopefully that'll take my mind off things?

Have you been in no contact since new year then?

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We are probably on the same sort of time scale with breakups then, he announced his new girlfriend on Halloween!

Yeah I'm hoping it's not going to be as bad as I think, I'm working quite a bit over Xmas so hopefully that'll take my mind off things?

Have you been in no contact since new year then?

 

I was No Contact until New Year's. Then I held off replying for a week, and it was probably the worst week of my life. I mean, I was completely obsessed with that stupid email he sent, I couldn't focus on anything else except how angry and hurt I was, and what I wanted to tell him.... it was HORRIBLE.

 

Eventually I did reply and told him not to contact me again and that I didn't forgive him or accept his lame rationalizations and excuses. It really made me sick how he treated me and how he justified his behavior. I honestly can't remember if he replied to that or not.

 

The next few months were pretty awful for me. My friends all *INSISTED* he'd be back because no one could believe he'd do what he did to me. I was getting a lot of pressure from my girlfriends to reach out, they felt I had been too harsh in telling him to leave me alone forever. It was AWFUL. Really, looking back, I shouldn't have replied or even READ his email!

 

But yeah, I reached out a month or so later. I blame myself, even though two of my close friends were really pushing me -- it was MY mistake because I know better, this isn't my first breakup, not by a longshot! And of course it was AWFUL. Really set me back. I believe that was in March, he replied sometime in April? So it's been 7 months NC for me -- and NC FOREVER, really. I changed my phone number, blocked him everywhere.....

 

If I could get in a time machine and go back to the day of the breakup and change one thing? It would be to stick to No Contact from the very first day and never look back and never falter.

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He waited a month to reply to you after you reached out in march?

 

I know what you mean everytime nc was broken I fell for all his little breadcrumbs and went right back to pleading and begging even though he was with this new girl!!

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Yeah, it was February actually and he didn't reply back until 5 weeks later, into March. It was AWFUL.

 

Then he finally replies and it's totally clear that he only replied because he had hopes of friendzoning me so we could continue working together on writing projects..... I told him that was a GREAT idea, that maybe his new girlfriend could work with us too!

 

Then I told him I was blocking him on everything (which I did) and that I *couldn't wait*for karma to perform certain sexual acts on him.... which modesty prevents me from relating more graphically here...

 

There's just no good outcome of breaking NC..... IF your ex ever changes his mind, they'll tell you. You won't have to beg or plead or guess or reach out or do any of the stupid degrading things our hearts try so hard to convince us is the right thing to do.

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That's exactly at the stage I am at now, I don't want to have to beg for him back, If he ever comes back I want him to do it at his own accord and that it's something he really wants! If you beg to get back together you'd have to live with the worry that they don't want to be there!

I dont think his new relationship will last due to the circumstances that they are long distance and he's never done that before, but that is no longer for me to decide!

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Alot can be said for people who jump head first into a new relationship not long after a break up. In many respects, they are putting off the grieving until later on. I say your better to get it out of the way now. Don't contact the family, or the girl. I'm sorry, its harsh, but its his family, not yours. It's an excuse to stay in the picture even if its in an obscure way. Be honest with yourself. If you like reading, download 'Getting Past Your Breakup' by Susan Elliott. Great book. Heaps of help in moving on and it sounds like your at the perfect stage to read it.

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It is NOT easy to 'let go'. When you lose someone you came to love. Mine 'wandered', after 5 yrs together. I'm on month 8, of healing.

 

Times can be very hard to cope and NOT reach out their way again.. and again. But, like Sharky explained ^^. We now have to work on US. Take time to let go and heal over our heartbreak and it will NOT help in any way if we continue to keep in contact in any way.

 

Time to deal with ourselves.. let the pains go.. the heratbreak to ease, over time. It will take a good while, but it will, slowly improve....

 

I also agree with PJ ^^. NOT a good idea to jump from one relation into another one, as you have NOT dealt with your own emotions of the break up. You're moving on way too fast for your own good. Sometimes that can be VERY messy!

Mentally & emotionally.

 

Do your best to aim your mind away from him now. Do things with your friends/family and try to keep busy. Eat well and get your rest etc.

We're all dealing with a lot on here & we understand how you feel. It's hard.. yes.

 

One day at a time... tc

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Thankyou SooSad33, I've decided every time I feel the urge to contact him I will post on here instead!

During our relationship I lost touch of who I was a bit, gained some weight and lost contact with my friends, time to change that!!

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3 months here aswell. I'm in terrible position. I have started to work on myself and looking for a good future ahead but her memories are still haunting me. I wish i can get past this phase of life. Maybe this is grieving stage i dont know but something is definitely wrong about me.

 

I completely lost myself!

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