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Why Can't I Get Over This?


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This time last year I was seriously seeing a girl. It was awesome, the connection was insane, especially the sexual connection. It was unlike anything I ever experienced. Unfortunately Xmas break happened, her ex kept trying to win her back, we started fighting a lot, and eventually it ended on a sour note around Valentine's Day.

 

I resented her for a long long time, so it stung for a bit but after that wore off I wasn't too bad. I ran into her in May, still wasn't a big deal. I've been seeing a girl since March now, not my g/f but just about. I really like her, she is great for me, beautiful, it's wonderful. However, I have yet to be able to get over that last girl completely even though she has likely moved on, she does have a new BF now of a few months.

 

She came to a mutual friends party a few weeks ago and really seemed to want to be around me. I was drunk, so honestly I didn't feel much. We hung a lot, played drinking games, sat outside and talked for a few hours. The flirty nature of her was there, the hair flipping, the smiling at my goofy nature, I was getting the looks I used to get. I still was doing well til we were leaving, we went outside and she asked if I'd wait til her friends parked who were over. So we talked outside for a little bit. She said she was cold and grabbed me and told me to keep her warm. I don't think she was trying to sleep with me or anything like that so much as I feel it had that familiarity, and I am sure some old feelings were in her head. Then she does the whole "You smell really good" while she was clutching me. I don't think too much of it, but damn when I left all of a sudden my heart dropped. My ability to despise her for how she ruined me is gone, I now find myself thinking of her a lot. She didn't even seem to care about her BF or speak that highly of him.

 

I told my current girl about it, minus the whole how I felt and missed her stuff. She knows that I've had trust issues and am not ready to jump into a relationship. She really is awesome, and when with her I don't think of anyone else at all, I don't want to ruin things with her.

 

I can't help but feel guilty, even though she currently knows the gist of it and told me she will wait as long is it takes. I tried to look back through my phone to remind myself the bad times with the old girl, it has worked before. However, it didn't. I found myself looking at "I cannot wait to see you" and "Hey babe and "I love your smile, the way you hold me, I am so happy" from her. Has made it worse, especially since it was a year ago now we were so close and I felt the best I ever have. I miss it so much but at the same time I love what I have with the other girl, and I feel like even though she insists she likes me so much she isn't going anywhere.

 

What should I do? (Sorry about length!) Besides telling me to get rid of the new girl.

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The LAST advice I'd give is to get rid of the new girl!

 

Trust me, if this story was a movie, SHE'S the one the audience would be rooting for, not this skanky old ex! Ugghhh.

 

Stop cheating. Tell your old ex to get lost. Man up and COMMIT to your new girlfriend already.... it's been 8 months or so and you're still not even giving her the respect of calling her your girlfriend??? Ugghhh, I wish I had her phone number so I could give her a talking to and make her see that she deserves MUCH MUCH BETTER than what you've been dishing out.

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The LAST advice I'd give is to get rid of the new girl!

 

Trust me, if this story was a movie, SHE'S the one the audience would be rooting for, not this skanky old ex! Ugghhh.

 

Stop cheating. Tell your old ex to get lost. Man up and COMMIT to your new girlfriend already.... it's been 8 months or so and you're still not even giving her the respect of calling her your girlfriend??? Ugghhh, I wish I had her phone number so I could give her a talking to and make her see that she deserves MUCH MUCH BETTER than what you've been dishing out.

 

I'm not cheating. Me and the ex didnt do anything at all. I told my current girl about it all. I want to commit, but I don't trust anyone. Not to mention in a few weeks xmas breaks starts and my new girl will be gone. That's exactly what happened to me with the old one, xmas break ruined it. She understands, I have told her she deserves better, she doesn't want to leave me and I don't want her to. I feel bad about it, but she doesn't want me to. Idk what to do with myself, I get so mad that i;m not over the old girl and 100% onto her, it's unfair but I can't stop my brain. I will fight for as long as it takes bc I wont lose this girl bc of my dumb ex that for some reason is still stuck in my mind.

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What you're doing is cheating emotionally.

 

You're right -- she does deserve better. No way I can think of to rationalize your behavior..... you're right to be mad at yourself because you're being really awful to someone who's being really good to you!

 

If you're looking to set things right.... you can start by cutting off contact with that old ex, NOW.

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Hi Sum,

 

You're still not healed over her- your ex. Yes, you still need some 'me time' to work on this- I think.

You're no longer together, sounds like you've both moved on.. so now it's time to work on healing...you can't do this by having interactions or contact etc.

 

Do your best to stay AWAY from all that. And it's best to be able to 'move on' whole heartedly.. not w/ mixed or confused emotions.. still lingering.

The feelings of sadness, lonely, confusion, denial, etc are still there for you, so don't think you're all healed yet. Especially with this recent encounter- that'll set you back some..again & yes, it sucks!

 

Keep going though- forward. Look at what you've got waiting for you now. Is she really important to you- do you think you can come to 'love' her?

Best to be honest with her and yourself, like you are. Always good to be honest.

 

But IF you're needing more time to 'let go' & recover.. you best do that, or things can become sticky with your new one.

Give it another cpl of months of 'me time' and deal with your heart etc.

 

One day at a time..tc

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