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Hi everyone,

 

My situation is a bit complicated. And i was hoping to get some advice which is why i came here..

 

I believe that i have already found my soulmate. But as i said its complicated. We met online in a game in 2005, i was 16 she was 19. I asked her out just for kicks, she said yes and we talked like non-stop for the next like...16 hours or something. Well long story short we developed a VERY strong connection with one another and fell in love over the internet very quickly. It's hard to describe the connection that i am referring to. We did this for about a year and a half, we had of course started talking over the phone and she was planning on making a trip to visit and we were considering starting a life together after that if things worked out as they had online.

 

I blew it though, i immaturely succumbed to an old crush on my childhood ex and broke up with her before she could make the trip. I never stopped being in love with her, even as i got married i deeply resented the choice i had made. But i was never able to admit it, and go back to her like she wanted me to because i did not want to be the guy that dumps girls and goes back out with his ex all the time. I was pretty immature, i still am i think.

 

Well, she and i have continuously tried to avoid one another and forget about the past but somehow one of us always breaks the silence or some fluke brings us back together. We click instantly, we seem to have developed over the years in the same way with very similar interests, likes and dislikes..we even prefer the same room temperature. We also get a bit flirty, as well as rely on one another for emotional support and motivation. Unfortunately i've acted pretty irrationally over the last 4 or so years. I was in the military and under alot more stress than i could handle while still dealing with my dysfucntional marriage and my past regrets. Unable to bring myself to divorce my wife i started making some unreasonable suggestions to her, that did little more than torment her. I feel horrible to this day about how i acted towards her, although she does not seem to be bothered by it anymore.

 

I recently got back into contact with her, i told her the truth about how i've felt all these years and that i was not in a good state of mind in the last few years. She and i have just as always connected with one another and we're both very flirty with one another, we even make remarks implying that we would one day live together or be intimate. My marriage is basically over, though my wife is taking things pretty hard. I want to be with this girl of my dreams, we have plans to meet in July. She is currently single, but i'm afraid that if i wait until we meet to make a move that she might get into a relationship and i will lose the chance to see what we could be together. She is a bit cryptic at times, although she typically tells me everything and is open and honest about her feelings. Despite that i am unable to see if she is just messing around or if she really does still have feelings for me, and if so if she'd be willing to get into a serious relationship with me.

 

Lots of ppl will probably(i hope not) respond with something like "online relationships don't work", or tell me i sound immature. I already know these things, and i've tried to stay away and move on but i wasn't able to completely. I always seem to come back to this point, and i do not think i will ever be able to move on. Despite the online factor, i know this woman better than i know my wife of 4 years.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to ask her out because we're both a bit to old to be messing around with an online relationship, and frankly i am afraid to be told no and ruin the relationship we do have. I also feel like i am being a bit selfish.

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I think you need to take some time for yourself to work out your issues.

It sounds a bit like you have trouble being alone, and since this would be long distance that's a big issue. At this point she sees you a fickle, which going by the story, you are.

I think you need to do some soul searching as to why you couldn't even wait for the person you apparently love. It seems like you are insecure, or have low self esteem, or both.

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My heart goes out to your wife and to the woman you met on-line.

 

You wrote: "Lots of ppl will probably(i hope not) respond with something like "online relationships don't work", or tell me i sound immature. I already know these things, and i've tried to stay away and move on but i wasn't able to completely"

 

I think what you wrote above is what you need to do first and foremost, on your own, by yourself, as a single person. You need to stay away and move on completely. It is not being fair to anyone to bring other people into the tangled web that has already been woven.

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I don't know what to do.

 

Man up and divorce your wife. Clean up that mess before casting your eye in any other direction. You are too fragmented to be of any good to any woman right now. A doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways. Run a defrag on yourself. Get your life together. Release your wife from torment, legally and emotionally. You're just going to have to trust that if this woman is your so-called "soulmate", then she will not be hunting for someone to keep her company. You need to determine if this is just all in your head or if what is going on is real. But at the end of the day, you can't offer her anything but a bunch of empty promises as long as you're another woman's husband.

 

I'm afraid to ask her out because we're both a bit to old to be messing around with an online relationship, and frankly i am afraid to be told no and ruin the relationship we do have. I also feel like i am being a bit selfish.

 

Really? Then stop this foolishness and make things work with your wife and leave this chick alone. You're also too old to be scared to ask a dash darn question of someone you're ready to destroy your marriage over.

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I agree with Fushig^^......

 

You NEED to take some time for yourself right now & get your heart & mind together. Being on your own doesn't hurt and usually that's what we need. To take time for ourselves & think...

In many ways, this is like dealing with a 'loss', I think, for you. So you're going to go thru emotions of confusion, sadness, lonliness etc, while you deal with it... so in this time you need to focus on YOU.

 

Not this women or the other woman- but what's going on.

You NEED to be 'grounded' enough and happy with yourself again, in order to move on properly again. Give yourself some 'down time'... a few months, alone.

 

Then think about it all- is this what YOU want.. etc.

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And... let me add this...

 

>> "She is currently single, but i'm afraid that if i wait until we meet to make a move that she might get into a relationship and i will lose the chance to see what we could be together. She is a bit cryptic at times, although she typically tells me everything and is open and honest about her feelings. Despite that i am unable to see if she is just messing around or if she really does still have feelings for me, and if so if she'd be willing to get into a serious relationship with me."

 

By sounds of it... you have NOT mentioned your feelings to her yet?

IF you are 'worried' of her moving on to someone else.. again, and she doesn't even know of your feelings/intentions.. what's your problem? Are you insecure? Are you jealous? Are you thinking she is NOT feeling the same way about you?

This confuses me...from what I was thinking, she is fully aware of your feelings & intentions. But if she doesn't even 'know' what's going on.. then yes, in due time she can/will move on.

And YOU have no control over this/her.

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Ugh, I have a guy like this in my life...he professes feelings for me on a regular basis (we've been talking online for 16 years) despite being in a "dead" relationship with a 2 month old son.

 

How is your internet girl supposed to take you seriously when you're cheating on your wife?

 

If she sounds "meh" about you, it's because she is. You're letting your feelings blind you. Focus on the woman that you promised your life to. Be a good husband for a while. Give it an honest effort and see if you can work things out with her. If you can't, get divorced. When it's been finalized and you've been single for a while...then contact internet girl. But...get it together...you're kind of a mess right now.

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