Jump to content

He asked me out but he has a girlfriend?


RuedeRivoli

Recommended Posts

I'm in this weird situation with this new guy I met at this bar. He and I clicked and we talked all night, he revealed he has a girlfriend and he's no longer in love with her. They've been together for four years. He gave me his number and asked me out on a date. However, I told him from the get go it would only be platonic because he's dating someone and it's immoral to flirt with someone who is not available. He said he was fine with just being friends. Hence, I told him it won't be a date.

 

We've been texting and talking on the phone for the past week. He tells me things about his girlfriend and all. He saw some of my pictures as I work in media. Now, he's switched to some serious flirting telling me he's very attracted to me, that I seem like the perfect woman yadi yada. He said I was the first thing that came to his mind yesterday morning blah blah.

 

He's coming on too strong and he's got a girlfriend. Yes, we had some serious physical attraction but I told him it was a no go. I made it clear I was only going to be his friend. He told me he won't give up until I agree to go on a date with him. I know he's BSing me when he tells me he's not in love with his girlfriend anymore because he'd never leave such a steady relationship for a fling. Besides, I'm not interested in a boyfriend. His only goal is to get laid which would have been fine if he wasn't already dating someone.

 

 

Now, I like him as a friend but he's not available. I'm afraid that if we meet up, something is going to happen and we'll both regret it. What should I do?

 

*On top of this, he's 29 and I'm 23. We're in completely different worlds and I certainly wouldn't want to date him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 67
  • Created
  • Last Reply

If his only goal was to get laid he wouldn't have told you about his girlfriend.

 

Tell him to call you when he is single. There is no such thing as "friendship" between a man and woman who are attracted to each other. You would basically be dating without having sex. Still wrong. If he is so crazy about you and so unhappy in his relationship, he'll end it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you know what you should do -- or not do, in this case.

 

Don't meet up with him. He has a girlfriend. He has flirted with you. He has expressed attraction to you. He's not interested in being platonic friends. He's interested in testing out other women while he decides whether or not to leave his girlfriend.

 

Don't fool yourself into thinking that it would just be a platonic "hang out" with a friend. That's not what it would be at all. Try to consider what his girlfriend might feel if she learned that her boyfriend was going out on a "non-date" with a girl "friend."

 

Nope...just...nope. Steer clear of this one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that when you heard you had a girlfriend, the texting had to stop right there.

 

Its not like you know this guy as your lab partner or your brother's pal or your ice dancing partner who has a girlfriend and you have a good context to be platonic friends. This guy you met at a BAR where you go to meet potential hookups. Also, he did not say "I have a girlfriend. You should come out with us to the Donut Shop. its a great place." He told you he is not in love with her to qualify himself so that you would take pity and communicate with him.

 

Please stop, stop. stop. stop communicating. It doesn't matter if you don't want to date - he is getting something out of this and talking with him and listening to him is interfering with his relationship. Why toy with his feelings - even if they are in his pants? There are way better people to be friends with other than this horny guy who is hoping he can talk long enough for you to sleep with him and even if you won't you are ENCOURAGING HIM

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No- Nothing it going to happen BECAUSE you already said so- Get a grip then.

IF you think you may 'cave', then don't go!

 

Think about this.. if YOU were his g/f. It's bad enough if you 'agree' to go drinking.. but to go further?

As well.. I am thinking you will end up with DEEP regrets & guilt if you did go further... right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another thing... re: him & this 'dead end' relationship, But YOU could very well end up being a 'rebound'. That's NOT good....

 

Best walk away from this risky situation.

Why would you 'want' to be with someone who's acting out this way when he DOES have a gf already?

Who says he won't do this if he ends up with you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually told him we should stop talking and cut him off. Wished him good luck with his girlfriend, and told him it's a dead end anyway.

However, he can't take no for an answer, and he's been blowing up my phone since!

 

Then why are you still communicating with him? You are apparently answering because otherwise you would not be here talking about him. Be bold. Don't say "we SHOULD stop talking" - instead - "I no longer want to talk to you and won't be taking your calls. Please stop calling me" And then block his number!! That's it. And if you cannot block it because your phone doesn't have that feature, make it so he goes to voicemail and don't listen to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually told him we should stop talking and cut him off. Wished him good luck with his girlfriend, and told him it's a dead end anyway.

However, he can't take no for an answer, and he's been blowing up my phone since!

 

So he is acting psycho and you are entertaining this because? Block him or tell him to eff off in no uncertain terms and the stop responding. If he persists after that, let him know that you will report him to cops. Sometimes, you really do need to be harsh to get the point accross.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't go. Don't talk to him anymore.

 

I mean, it's pretty clear that if you do, you too are out to get some side action from him. And that is all there is to this.

 

Friendship schmendiship. "Let's have some sex". That is what this about. And you know it!

 

There are single guys to screw if that is what you are after. Cleaner, simpler, and you can sleep at night with a clean conscious.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got cheated on in the past, so I wouldn't want to be in his girlfriend's position. Therefore, I told him nothing is going to happen but he's like "You turn me on so much, you put a spell on me" ... He's just slightly delusional.

 

If he is telling you how alluring you are and he wants to cheat with you - in some people's opinions he is already cheating or at least showing intent to do so! For the sake of this girlfriend, stop.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This sleaze bag tells you hes got a gf and you give him your number anyway and then text him all week.. your being an attention W. Your enjoying this-little ego boost. You need to stop it now. Hes a cheat, always has been. Typical player-he wouldnt be coming on this strong otherwise so tell him to get lost! His story that he no longer loves her is BS.. well he prob not capable of real love but hes no intention of leaving her.

 

Your already being the other woman. What hes doing now IS cheating and your enabling it. A married guy asked me to sleep with him once and the look of disgust he got from me made him practically run out the door. Why the heck would you agree to be his friend? Unless you enjoy the attention.. its sick

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I told him many times "Please, never contact me again, I'm not interested in being associated with someone who is already in a relationship". This is what I told him yesterday. He seemed receptive since he told me "I'm fine with it if that's what you want ...all the best".

But he can't seem to understand rejection, since he called me three times when I was at work today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This bothers me. I see this type of thing all the time. First, what could possibly want to make you be friends with this guy? So far, you've just met him, he's already showed immoral behavior by emotionally cheating on his girlfriend and according to you, practically being overly pushy. Great qualities in a friend...

 

Next, your calling him delusional but you keep talking to a guy who has a girlfriend who you claim you wouldn't do anything with....now if you're not going to do anything with him but he keeps telling you you turn him on etc, why are you allowing that behavior? He's not entirely delusional because you're clearly enabling that behavior by continuing to talk to him.

 

He has a girlfriend and he's a complete jerk who thinks it's ok to date other girls behind his girlfriends back and "isn't in love" but doesn't have the guts to break up with her.

 

It's obvious you are enjoying the attention from him and maybe you're hoping he'll break up with her but I don't see how this can ever work for you?

 

If you only want to be friends with him - seems strange as he doesn't have many good friend like qualities and you said you're both attracted to each other. That isn't platonic.

You said you wouldn't hook up with him while he has a gf and he does in fact have a gf

And even if he eventually breaks up with his gf is this the type of guy you'd ever date?

 

Find a guy who is worth your time....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're wrong there. I barely know the guy and I even told him he shouldn't break up with her and they should work on their issues first.

I wouldn't want a boyfriend like him, if he can cheat on his girlfriend of four years, he'd probably cheat on me right away and leave me high and dry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're wrong there. I barely know the guy and I even told him he shouldn't break up with her and they should work on their issues first.

I wouldn't want a boyfriend like him, if he can cheat on his girlfriend of four years, he'd probably cheat on me right away and leave me high and dry.

 

 

Ok so what are you hoping to gain from this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're wrong there. I barely know the guy and I even told him he shouldn't break up with her and they should work on their issues first.

I wouldn't want a boyfriend like him, if he can cheat on his girlfriend of four years, he'd probably cheat on me right away and leave me high and dry.

 

But you are not helping. You are contributing to the problem by being receptive to him. you have already "done something" by accepting a guy's number at a bar or giving him yours when you knew that very night he had a girlfriend whether he is in love with her or not. That is a green light. And he is encouraged by you "counseling" him. The minutes he is talking to you, he is not talking to her. How would you feel if the tables were turned and your boyfriend was talking to some woman and telling her how appealing she was? It wouldn't matter if he physically cheated or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just someone to talk to, hang out with. I don't have a whole lot of friends and I'm trying to meet some new people. That's all.

 

Really? You would befriend someone you don't know who is prepared to do that to their partner? That doesn't sound right. If I'd just met someone who did that kind of nonsense the last thing I'd be doing is befriending them. I don't expect perfection of my friends, by any means, but what he is doing doesn't signify friendship. Straight off the bat he shows a lack of trustworthiness and I bet he is hiding his communication with you from this gf which makes him dishonest and disloyal. Great friend material.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All you have to do is block him and sign up for link removed for new friends through common interests.

 

I have already signed up for meetup

 

I met him at this bar because I was there for a promotional event, I usually never go to bars to hang out, let alone to meet people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...