Jump to content

almost had sex with my bestfriend


BB24

Recommended Posts

Ok so the other day me and my best friend got really drunk at th party and almost had sex. She kept coming on to me the whole night flirting. We ended up making out on the bed for awhile and then I fingered her But I stopped myself and told her that I didn't want to go any further because we are just friends and its not right. We tried dating before but she made it clear she doesn't want a relationship because shes not ready yet.

 

I could tell that she was mad at me we just cuddled the rest of the night and the next morning I took her home. We haven't spoken since then

 

Am I wrong for not having sex with her? I wanted to badly but I care about our friendship more

 

How can I get her to understand this? I don't want things to be awkward i love her so much

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well....would you kiss your guy friends and go on to play with their balls for a bit before telling them it's wrong and you are just friends? No, right? So when you two kissed, you stopped being just friends. Then you went pretty far and suddenly rejected her. That was pretty cold of you. Either way, you are not really friends 'cause friends don't make out with each other or finger or whatever. There are just some things you really don't do with friends.

 

I think you need to make up your mind and be honest about what you really want from her, talk to her and let her know. I think you will have to reach out to her and see if she can get past the rejection and hear you out long enough to forgive and get past this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think your not really her "friend" you want more than shes willing to give. For this reason i believe men and women shouldnt be friends.

 

If i were you id contact her and say "im done with this whole friendzone thing. You either want to date me or you dont. Which is it? I cant be your friend, im sorry but its preventing me from moving on and finding myself a real life gf and if you dont want me, thats what i need to do. Ill ask you once more "do you wana go on a date this friday" if not that is ok, no hard feelings but i need to move on. Hope you understand"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree, this isn't a normal approach to friendship. You both need to back off.

IF you don't feel right, maybe you should end ALL for a while until either of you have NO more 'feelings' for each other, because, as of now.. you've gone further than that.. again.

 

Time to think about this & come to terms. You already know she doesn't want to go there.. not ready?

Unless you want to TOTALLY risk a friendship and ask her if she'll want to be your gf sometime. or not?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree, this isn't a normal approach to friendship. You both need to back off.

IF you don't feel right, maybe you should end ALL for a while until either of you have NO more 'feelings' for each other, because, as of now.. you've gone further than that.. again.

 

Time to think about this & come to terms. You already know she doesn't want to go there.. not ready?

Unless you want to TOTALLY risk a friendship and ask her if she'll want to be your gf sometime. or not?

Her last boyfriend hurt her really bad i dont think shes completely over it yet

 

But she so confusing after she told me she only wanted to be friends we didnt talk for about a month. and she text me telling me how she wanted to be friends again and thats what led to us hanging out again. I just want things to go back to normal just me and her hanging out talking about boy/girl problems like brother and sister going to parties and having fun with out so much emotional baggage

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well you cant. Youve both crossed a line. If i was your new gf and i found out you were still friends with her after your little groping session-i would dump you.. your friendship is inappropriate and not fair on any new person you or her decide to date in the future.

 

Plus your fooling yourself if you think this emotional baggage will go away. You have feelings for her and your both sexually attracted to each other. Thats not going away unless you have no contact with her

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well you cant. Youve both crossed a line. If i was your new gf and i found out you were still friends with her after your little groping session-i would dump you.. your friendship is inappropriate and not fair on any new person you or her decide to date in the future.

 

Plus your fooling yourself if you think this emotional baggage will go away. You have feelings for her and your both sexually attracted to each other. Thats not going away unless you have no contact with her

So your saying i have to drop my bestfriend of 2 years or i wont be able to have a functional relationship? Thats why im trying to get her to understand that we are just friends and nothing else if i drop my feeling for her and she moves one our significant other should have no problems with us being friends then right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So your saying i have to drop my bestfriend of 2 years or i wont be able to have a functional relationship? Thats why im trying to get her to understand that we are just friends and nothing else if i drop my feeling for her and she moves one our significant other should have no problems with us being friends then right?

 

You cannot get her to understand something that isn't. You ARE more than friends. There is attraction, you have kissed and even fingered her. You are now a fling, love interest, crush, FWB, crush, whatever. You need to get away from eachother and get over eachother if you ever want to be "just friends." Yes, her new guy will have a problem because she clearly likes you as more than friends. There is attraction. And you slept with his girl. Or whatever you want to call it. Once you cross that line, you are no longer "just friends". YES you need to drop your best friend of two years or you need to face facts that you both are very attracted to eachother and just go with it. Seldom can a guy and girl be best friends unless one of them is gay for that very reason

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just want things to go back to normal just me and her hanging out talking about boy/girl problems like brother and sister going to parties and having fun with out so much emotional baggage

 

Nope! Too late for that. The toothpaste is already out of the tube!

 

You can't go back to being like "brother and sister" with this girl. You made out with her and touched her lady parts! You moved beyond the platonic realm. I doubt you would cavalierly make out and fondle the man parts of your male friends, so it's safe to say this isn't how you normal interact with your buddies!

 

Time to make a decision. Do you want to pursue her or not? If so, ask her out. If not, distance yourself. Realize that a close friendship with her will not work once you get new partners. They will be able to sniff out that you and her have a romantic past and are attracted to one another!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can't pretend it didn't happen.

 

You CAN and SHOULD sit down and talk to her. IMO, since she had expressed she didn't want a relationship and was drunk, you had plenty of reason to call a halt to the heavy petting session and ease back. Far better to err on the side of caution than proceed and risk regret the morning after.

 

So talk to her. Be honest, tell her you are attracted to her - but you didn't feel under the circumstances that following through was the right thing to do, and after her telling you she wasn't interested in a relationship, if she's changed her mind, she will have to put on her big girl pants and tell you with honest words, and not just actions, so you know 100% your attentions are welcome.

 

I doubt it's ever going to be quite like it was, since you'll both be more sexually aware of each other, even if you don't act on it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She can be emotionally and sexually confused after her previous relationship, and so are you if you think that friendship between you two includes fingering while drunk.

When you realized she is drunk and flirts with you in despair - that's when you should have stopped her, not when you put your hands in her underwear.

 

We tried dating before but she made it clear she doesn't want a relationship Maybe you already had sex then too? Maybe she is ready for a relationship now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, there's definitely more than a friendship here. There's obviously an attraction and feelings that go past the friendship stage, and it seems as though it's mutual. I would talk to your friend about how you feel and maybe you two can work things out. At this point, if there are mutual romantic feelings involved, you two have to determine whether you can function as only friends. Speaking from personal experience, it's hard to be friends with someone when you feel so much more for them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, there's definitely more than a friendship here. There's obviously an attraction and feelings that go past the friendship stage, and it seems as though it's mutual. I would talk to your friend about how you feel and maybe you two can work things out. At this point, if there are mutual romantic feelings involved, you two have to determine whether you can function as only friends. Speaking from personal experience, it's hard to be friends with someone when you feel so much more for them.

I see where your coming from now! If we continue to act like where just friends and that theres nothing between us we continue to have confusing nights like this. Im just afriad that if i talk to her about it well end up not speaking like before and its difficult to not think about her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So your saying i have to drop my bestfriend of 2 years or i wont be able to have a functional relationship? Thats why im trying to get her to understand that we are just friends and nothing else if i drop my feeling for her and she moves one our significant other should have no problems with us being friends then right?

 

I don't think you understand your relationship. She wants you as a friend with benefits, she just doesn't want a relationship. So if anyone is friend zoning anybody, you're friend zoning her while she's raring to go.

 

You and her will NEVER be "Just Friends." You're attracted to each other. As long as one of you is not giving the other everything the other wants, it's an unbalanced relationship. Of course, even if you were with her, she wouldn't be able to give you what you think Sex means, a relationship. Sex does not mean a relationship, it's Just Sex.

 

You will ultimately not have a choice here, because she'll just stop seeing you once she fully understands she can't have what she wants, and she finds someone who has what she wants. It sucks to be all teased up and then to be left in the lurch, As perilous as that may be for you...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes i do think you should ditch your "friend" of 2 years coz your only being her "friend" in the hope she will one day fall for you.. this is why men and women shouldn't be "friends" coz at least one of you will want more and its never just platonic..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So your saying i have to drop my bestfriend of 2 years or i wont be able to have a functional relationship? Thats why im trying to get her to understand that we are just friends and nothing else if i drop my feeling for her and she moves one our significant other should have no problems with us being friends then right?

 

Too late. What you've already done made this no longer a friendship and a wise female would not date you as long as she's still a part of your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes i do think you should ditch your "friend" of 2 years coz your only being her "friend" in the hope she will one day fall for you.. this is why men and women shouldn't be "friends" coz at least one of you will want more and its never just platonic..

 

I've had and still many completely platonic female friends that I no romantic interest in whatsoever. You're really missin out if you're unable to relate to people of the opposite gender in a non sexual way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see where your coming from now! If we continue to act like where just friends and that theres nothing between us we continue to have confusing nights like this. Im just afriad that if i talk to her about it well end up not speaking like before and its difficult to not think about her.

 

It is very hypocritical to make out with her then pull the "just friends" thing.

 

I think it would be a good thing if she didn't speak to you for awhile, actually. It would give you time apart to get over eachother and to really be friends or to realize you can't be friends at all.

 

And I don't think the night was "confusing" - it is clear there is a strong attraction and you both want more from eachother. The confusing thing is that you are telling her you don't want her in a relationship or as a FWB but yet you made out with her. That would be confusing to her.

 

 

So...I think you need to tell her that you are very attracted to her and want a relationship with her versus this charade. If she tells you no this time after you laid your cards out then you need to separate from each other. And stick to that. She knows where to find you if she changes her mind and is in that space someday.

 

 

Think about it - would a woman want to date you knowing you share your most intimate thoughts with your female best friend? I think anyone who has an opposite sex bestie 99% is robbing their significant other of emotional intimacy. Guys don't share what they share with male best friends that they do with female best friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had and still many completely platonic female friends that I no romantic interest in whatsoever. You're really missin out if you're unable to relate to people of the opposite gender in a non sexual way.

 

You can't relate to people in a nonsexual way, though, if THEY have a sexual crush on you even though you just want to be friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's the mixup...SHE doesn't want a relationship, SHE wants sex - as shocking as this thought may be...

 

He however, wants a relationship, or sex within a relationship; he doesn't want to have sex if they're just friends.

 

I dare say you should have just gone for it and let it turn into the relationship you were hoping you might get the first time around, or at least just enjoy the ride while you were with her. You can't hang on to people forever any more, interactions are shorter nowadays...so go with it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Too late. What you've already done made this no longer a friendship and a wise female would not date you as long as she's still a part of your life.

 

^^ This!

 

It's extremely selfish and unfair to your new partners to pretend like your "close friend" is platonic when you've crossed the line in the past. If you've done anything sexual with a friend you are former lovers, full stop!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...