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Is it appropriate to send a Christmas gift/card?


Natasha24

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(I put this in the "relationships" forum as opposed to the "breaking up" forum because it's not really about the break up anymore)

 

I dated this guy for about 7 months, it was a roller coaster of a relationship but overall it was amazing. Our breakup was hard on both of us - neither of us wanted to do it, but we both knew we had to. We cut all contact.

 

A few months later, he emailed me and told me that he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. I politely told him that I have moved on and I think it would be too "messy" if we stayed friends. He agreed and we haven't talked since. This happened about 2 months ago.

 

I got him a Christmas gift - I know it's something he'll love and it was only like 10 bucks. I also got a nice card for his family because they were incredible people and were very nice to me while we were dating. I'm wondering if it would be inappropriate to send, based on our recent email exchange. I don't want him to think that I hate him or that I've forgotten about him, because that's not true at all. He made a huge impact in my life in those short 7 months and I want him to know that (long story short: I had depression and anxiety but refused to get professional help. He convinced me to see a doctor because he has depression too, I went on medication and it literally changed my life). But I don't want to give the impression that I want to get back together.

 

Any help is appreciated!

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Not the answers I was looking for. Can someone reply with "Yes, send the gift and the card" ? Hahaha.

 

I'm kidding. Thanks for the replies I'll keep mulling it over. Worst case scenario, I can always give the gift to another friend or family member so it's not wasted.

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Yes. Why say you cannot be friends when you had in him in your shopping list?

Don't do it. Do not rock the boat.

 

I told him that I didn't think we could be friends because his email basically said "I still have feelings for you. Can we hang out and be friends?" I knew that starting a "friendship" would just get his hopes up. But I also don't want him to think that I don't care about him anymore and that I've completely forgotten about him. He was a great guy and helped me through some really crappy stuff.

 

I understand what you guys are saying though. It would be opening the door for feelings and misinterpretations and all that stuff. I just wanted him to know how much he meant to me and that I still care as a friend. I guess it's too late for that.

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I would not send it. For a couple of reasons:

 

-it's a little weird to send your ex a gift and his family a card. Every xmas, you will be: "that girl that did that, that one year, what was her name?"

 

-it sends a mixed message. You said you can't be friends. Think about what you really want from this guy and the motivation for doing this. If you decide you want to be friends or whatever, talk to him first.

 

-don't use the holidays as a reason to reach out. Again, think about your motivation for doing this. If you truly want to reach out, be true in your intentions. We all get lonely.... And god, the holidays... Dumped... Not where I wanted to be.

 

Instead, maybe just hold on to it... If you feel like maybe in time you will be friends or something.... You can always give it to him for no reason. Like hey, I know you would love this, so I wanted to get it for you.

 

True confession: right before my bu, I bought my ex a scarf for Xmas. Just a scarf... But it was a really unique and something he would love! It was perfect!! I kind of liked it, too. It made me think of him! It came in the mail. Knowing it was coming, I was like "ugh... I'm gonna have to return that. "

 

It came and I actually really like it. And it so not my style but so his style... It definitely adds a little something funky to my look. So you know what, I kept it! For me!

 

I don't know what is going to happen... I've lived long enough to know.. Sh*t can be crazy... Will a day come that he sees it? Or that I give it to him? Right now, it doesn't seem likely... But I'm gonna enjoy it. It's his Xmas present. No one knows that but me....it reminds me of him, but in a nice way.

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Can't really tell someone you can't be friends and then send them gifts. Besides, if your relationship was all that amazing, you wouldn't have had a 7 month roller coaster that ultimately ended in break up. Be honest - sending those things is just an attempt to get back on that roller coaster and you know it won't end well for you in the end. Don't do it. Stay strong and stay away from him.

 

As for his family. Let me share something with you. My parents are absurdly nice to anyone I'm involved with long term. They'll have our pictures around their house and totally welcome them into the family. Funny thing, a day after I told my mom I dumped an ex, I happened to stop by to drop something off. All his pics where in the trash. I haven't had time to get around to cleaning my house yet! When I looked at my mom kind of funny, all she did was shrug and say, "well he is history, so wth". The point is that they are his family and don't really give a crap about you no matter how nice they may have been to you while you were dating.

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