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Background:

We broke up a year ago.

I had difficulties at job causing me having chronic insomnia, which made me to brake up.

After few months when I finally managed to keep these issues under control, I initiated contact trying to reconcile and merry her.

She was refusing, so we stayed in LC always initiated by me, until she stated that she was in new relationship, wanting me to stop disturbing her. It was 2 months ago, so I started NC.

In the meantime I tried dating with few women, but nothing serious happened bcs in each of them I was searching my ex.

 

I was doing relatively ok in these two months. I was missing her aware that I still loved her.

 

Recently I started to feel terrible.

I started to think that she was my soul mate....and that I made greatest mistake in my life by leaving her at the first place. I regret vey much. What I could say in my defense is that objective circumstances made me to (cumulative sleepless nights have put on me so much pressure...it was not real me).

 

Any thoughts and advices would be sincerely appreciated.

 

Thank you

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Healing after a break up is like grieving after the death of a loved one. There is a process that you need to go through, and much of it is hard. Even after that initial process is over, there will be moments, days, etc now and later in your life that you remember that grief and feel that pain. It doesn't mean you can't live your life to the fullest...but it is part of life. When you lose a loved one, you don't forget them...This is normal...it will pass...it's okay to feel down...

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If you want to look into 'trying again', as it's been a yr or more, is up to you.

Do you think you are any better though?

 

When we end up breaking up, one good idea is to work on ourselves. To work on our stability, mentality and working on our inner self to be 'happy' again with ourselves.

Do YOU feel you're up to this again? Have you ever gotten some help for your issues? Sleep prob's etc?

I take Melatonin (its natural) and if it's not strong enough, my dr has given me "Elavil', which is to help me sleep and helps with Depression as well.

I am also seeing a therapist and have been apart fr my ex for just over 7 mos now.

 

Everything takes time.. and you need to figure out if you're ready to go there again, with her.

 

And, yes, as Emma mentioned ^^ It is normal to go thru so many emotions after a relationship break. Same as death. Sadness, confusion, lonliness, anger etc.. until we can come to 'accept' our loss and be able to move on, which can take many months.

 

Tc, think about it.

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Healing after a break up is the hardest thing to do. I am going through it right now. My ex came into my life again, and I am happier that she is back. We are just talking and I do feel better about things, but there is still a level of uncertainty to what the future holds (hell I've even thought about seeing a psychic...haha). My suggestion is to keep busy and try and control your emotions. Don't put yourself in a position that allows you to think about it all the time. You have to focus on YOU. Play a video game, watch a movie. Go out and do something that is going to keep your mind off of it and make you feel better. Good luck.

 

PS; This site has really helped me. Even though I have received mixed feedback I do believe that the people on here are good people. They are ultimately here to help.

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Maybe you could send her an email saying something like, "I know you said you don't want me to contact you again, and I promise I will not initiate contact with you again after this. I just wanted to wish you happy holidays and to let you know that I would like to try again if and whenever you are ready."

 

You could just put it out there, and maybe one day she'll respond. If not, at least you know you did everything possible.

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Healing after a break up is like grieving after the death of a loved one. There is a process that you need to go through, and much of it is hard. Even after that initial process is over, there will be moments, days, etc now and later in your life that you remember that grief and feel that pain. It doesn't mean you can't live your life to the fullest...but it is part of life. When you lose a loved one, you don't forget them...This is normal...it will pass...it's okay to feel down...

 

Thank you.

Strange thing is that after some period of acceptance and being ok with the fact that we will never be together again, came these 5-10 days during which I have the same feeling I had at the very beginning of moving on...Last night I even dreamed her (and its a year since break up...).

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If you want to look into 'trying again', as it's been a yr or more, is up to you.

Do you think you are any better though?

 

When we end up breaking up, one good idea is to work on ourselves. To work on our stability, mentality and working on our inner self to be 'happy' again with ourselves.

Do YOU feel you're up to this again? Have you ever gotten some help for your issues? Sleep prob's etc?

 

I have been working on improving myself during this year of being broken up:

I look better, I workout regularly, Im calmer and more mature.

Im aware of mistakes I was making during relationship.

 

I was solving my sleep issues by myself (yoga, relaxation, reducing stressors at work). Situation is now better than before one year. Still it is not fully normal. I have at least one to to two nights per week during which I wake up at 3-4 and can not continue to sleep, but it is better. I plan to visit therapist next week in order to receive help with my issues.

 

You are right, unfortunately she is seeing someone (at least it is what she said to me)...

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Healing after a break up is the hardest thing to do. I am going through it right now. My ex came into my life again, and I am happier that she is back. We are just talking and I do feel better about things, but there is still a level of uncertainty to what the future holds (hell I've even thought about seeing a psychic...haha).

 

Im happy for you.

It is good that your ex came back to your life ;-0

 

My suggestion is to keep busy and try and control your emotions. Don't put yourself in a position that allows you to think about it all the time. You have to focus on YOU. Play a video game, watch a movie. Go out and do something that is going to keep your mind off of it and make you feel better. Good luck.

 

PS; This site has really helped me. Even though I have received mixed feedback I do believe that the people on here are good people. They are ultimately here to help.

 

Thank you. Its a good advice.

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Correction: I would say "I would like to try again if and whenever you are available and ready."

 

May be worth one last try.

 

Thank you Windy

 

I don't know about this.

When we were in relationship she was telling me that all her previous ex were chasing her after breakup. She said that they looked to her so poor and without self respect - not real men. Because of this she didn't respect them too, and she never came back to an ex.

 

This theory seems to be confirmed in my particular case.

After breakup we had periods of NC an LC. In this period i was little bit aloof (didn't want to put pressure on her after she gave me initial feedback that she doesnt want to reconcile and knowing her background with previous ex).

...but our last conversation was like this:

Following day came to an idea that I have to prove my love to her (bc I was a dumper) so I sent a big bunch of roses. Then I called her. She didn't respond. I called her again next day and she didn't respond. I texted her that I will be persistent. She sent back SMS requesting not to disturb her because she was in a relationship.

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Hey Micro,

Sorry to hear that you are suffering. I bet, even though it's not clear to you, there was some reason - some unconscious reason - that you broke up with her in the first place. For better or worse, our unconscious minds lead us to behave in ways that our conscious mind can never fathom. We find ourselves doing all kinds of "crazy" things that seem to have no rhyme or reason, but, in reality, are driven by motivations and impulses that our outside of our awareness.

 

I'd encourage you to do some serious thinking, probably with a therapist if you can find a good one, to figure out what it was that led you into this super difficult and heart-breaking situation. Although it seems to be all about your ex, I bet there are other things going on for you and she's just become the focus of your emotions.

 

It's never easy.

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Thank you Windy

 

Following day came to an idea that I have to prove my love to her (bc I was a dumper) so I sent a big bunch of roses. Then I called her. She didn't respond. I called her again next day and she didn't respond. I texted her that I will be persistent. She sent back SMS requesting not to disturb her because she was in a relationship.

 

Sorry this happened to you! I think breaking up with her because you were under stress threw things off balance. Women understandably feel insecure about a relationship after being dumped. It is hard, especially given her history.

 

Maybe she will initiate contact on her own- it is possible.

 

Good luck

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Interesting theory. I will check this.

 

Hey Micro! I feel kind of like an linking to an article that *I* wrote, but it kinda explains what I was thinking about when I gave you that convoluted response about therapy. As you'll see, I'm clearly an advocate of therapy, but aside from that it can be really helpful to have someone to talk to who can give you an outside perspective AND really support you as you struggle through this part of things. Missing someone we love feels *totally* sucky and lonely. I hope you're finding everyone's suggestions are helping you get through. Here's the link: link removed

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Hey Micro! I feel kind of like an linking to an article that *I* wrote, but it kinda explains what I was thinking about when I gave you that convoluted response about therapy. As you'll see, I'm clearly an advocate of therapy, but aside from that it can be really helpful to have someone to talk to who can give you an outside perspective AND really support you as you struggle through this part of things. Missing someone we love feels *totally* sucky and lonely. I hope you're finding everyone's suggestions are helping you get through. Here's the link: link removed

 

Interesting article. I have been talking with my best friend about the all situation during previous period. This helped me a lot. I intend to visit therapist for additional help in moving on....

 

It is strange how impacting this break up was on me.

My previous long relationship break up that happened 6 years ago which was also very difficult to me...didn't impact me so much as this one....

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Hm... that is an interesting thought. I wonder what feels so different about this relationship. I suppose that will take some time to figure out. In the meantime, I'm glad you have your buddy to talk with. As cheesy as it sounds, friends are the rainbows and buttercups that help us make it through!

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I saw her today. I think that she didn't see me.

When I saw her from distance immediately I felt nervous...a gut feeling like fear, so I avoided to bump into her.

 

What I saw made me to start overthinking. She had a lot of makeup. She never used to have so much makeup while we were in relationship.....so I started to make conclusions:

"She probably doesn't have boyfriend so she is trying to make best of herself in order to increase chances for more men to approach her = chances for new relationship."

 

I know that my conclusions maybe aren't correct and that I should stop thinking about her, but I would like to hear female perspective on this.

 

Thank you

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I saw her today. I think that she didn't see me.

When I saw her from distance immediately I felt nervous...a gut feeling like fear, so I avoided to bump into her.

 

What I saw made me to start overthinking. She had a lot of makeup. She never used to have so much makeup while we were in relationship.....so I started to make conclusions:

"She probably doesn't have boyfriend so she is trying to make best of herself in order to increase chances for more men to approach her = chances for new relationship."

 

I know that my conclusions maybe aren't correct and that I should stop thinking about her, but I would like to hear female perspective on this.

 

Thank you

Could be that she just had a bad day from work, lack of sleep, etc. Girls know that guys prefer the "natural look" so i dont think it's for luring men

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