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I want to end the relationship, how should i?


James1607309258

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So not a while ago i was dating a gurl that had a serious problem with telling the truth and with that she has many mental problems that in the end made a relationship impossible especially after cheating on me and lied and said she was raped. Frankly i was dumb and agreed with her to take a break and maybe we could try again in a year if we agreed to not see other people during the break. I used to be extremley mad and sad about the situation but now its clear that i need to end it and thats what i plan to do. Along with it though i cant help but want to try to help her one last time and tell her what i think so she might finally change herself for the better. Any advice on how i should end this?

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people don't change because someone tells them something. they change because consequences( not just one, but several) happen that make them realize that they have to change.

you leaving her will be a consequence. and so, without saying anything, you will have helped her.

you tellingher is just words, and i would fear that it may be your minds way of trying to see if you can change her NOW so that you can have her NOW.

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No i know now that i never want to see her again or hear from her again. But the original thought was i tell her why im leaving to avoid any responsibility for her grief and banish any guilt for myself. But as BigKK said it would just backfire. As selfish as that sounds i was only ever considerate and patient with her and this is who i really am so if she has a problem with it we never were gonna work even if a relationship was possible.

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if she changed with u telling her to change, u would still not be happy trust me, because one rather have a person change themselves if that makes sense? that would a solid change and a real change. Where as when u try changing someone, you may feel that they have changed, but in reality they have not changed? for a few days yes the change may be visible but later when they r back to them real selves, this will hurt you even more. Sadly, i know we want to cling on to one last hope, even if we know it's false, like that we end up getting hurt more. Do you love this girl? if yes, you can help her change? not make her change or force her to change? But as you said she has hurt you, things will never be the same, it's better if you move on, as this relationship will never be healthy for you, you will always be thinking.

 

I think you need to be a gentleman about it, and be honest and explain to her how you want to end this, and how you feel it's not healthy for both of you. I guess that is the best way to go forward so you have no come backs. Ignoring or just walking away is not the solution, you have to man up and be honest, and hopefully she will appreciate it more, if she does not then at least you will have no guilt? or regrets in that sense, i hope it all works out for you..

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People don't change UNLESS they decide to and it comes from within them, not something done to them by others. Please don't fall into the whole White Knight syndrome where you're going to ride in and save someone from themselves, because it's a really kind of arrogant controlling thing to do. And it never works and then you run around feeling hurt and used and what's the point? I think you're looking for excuses to end things although if you guys haven't been together for a year and the "break" has been that long then there's nothing to end. You already are broken up.

 

My advice is go full on NC and heal and move on without her. She's the only one who can decide whether or not she'll stop cheating and lying. You can only decide you won't put up with it or you will.

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