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Ex gf wants to meet up with me after realising she's made a mistake


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Hey this is my first post so be nice!

 

I me this girl in un 3 years ago, we were best mates and then eventually got together for around 18 months. We had a really great relationship and everything couldn't have gone any better. Anyway she ended up getting an exchange year in the US and so left is currently spending her academic year out there. So when she went, we discussed what we were gonna do and she told me that although it would be difficult we would try and make it work. I suggested breaking it off temporarily would maybe be a better move but she was adamant she wanted to stay with me. (This was August 2013)

 

With my credit card in my hand about to book flights to visit her over the xmas vacation she basically told me that she felt having a bf accross the Atlantic was holding her back and ruining her experience (i.e. she wanted to sleep with other people) and so she broke up, insisting however that i still visit her at xmas. Quite clearly i told her that wasn't going to happen.

 

After 6 weeks of me not contacting her (november) i receive a series of texts, first asking how i am and then her pouring her heart out to me about how much of a mistake she has made breaking up with me and how she feels awful about everything etc etc. A rather genuine few texts if I'm honest.

 

Then i get told she is returning home to the UK for xmas and she asked me would i meet her.

 

So this is my problem. Do i meet up with her and listen to what she's got to say? Or do i tell her not a chance? The issue is she will be returning back to uni next spring, and as we do the same classes, i will see her every.single.day. So blocking her out of my life is not an option.

 

Basically in my mind i kind of feel like she's realised she's ed up but going off what she's said, it seems she wants the best of both worlds which is not happening. My current thought process is that, let's say if i did meet her, i would listen to what she has to say, but let her know I'm not going to get back with her now like she wants and kind of go from there.

 

Thoughts? Comments?

 

Jason

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Hard to say, she wants your comfort back home, and also a green light from you to do whatever she wants.

 

I don't blame her to not want to be held back when living in another country...it's a fun and exciting time. I wouldn't recommend "waiting" for her and holding out. It's completely your call though, if it was me, I'd meet up and see how it goes. Just realize it can happen again when she flies back out.

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she basically told me that she felt having a bf accross the Atlantic was holding her back and ruining her experience (i.e. she wanted to sleep with other people) and so she broke up, insisting however that i still visit her at xmas. Quite clearly i told her that wasn't going to happen.

 

I'm not sure why you would even give her the time of day, after dumping you because she wanted to sleep with other people? How immature and tacky is that?

 

Either way, I would look at the bigger picture here, and ask yourself where you see this going in the long term.

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For what it's worth.... I think the best thing is to take the high road and tell her you just don't think enough time has passed to be friends and meeting will only cause you both more pain. I know you feel like you have to jump at the chance to see her and "see".... But being so available to someone that hurt you is not good for YOU. Are you taking the chance that you will move on and meet someone better down the road? Yes you are...

 

She is looking for comfort and when she gets it, she will go back to her same old ways. And you will be left feeling, why did I do this? When one door closes another opens. I think if you are honest with her about not wanting to meet because it will do more harm then good, you are showing your strength. This is life... Things happen people do break up and do get back together. I do believe it can work out but you have to be sure of what you are opening yourself up to. You have to consider that when we feel lonely and miss home, it is overwhelming. What she is saying, she believes in the moment. Just like she will believe ending it again when she leaves is the right thing.

 

Girls really care about having a boyfriend at the holidays. It's fun and romantic.... Don't be her fill in.

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It could be that a) once she finished sleeping with all the American boys on her bucket list, she was finished and ready to resume her relationship with you.

 

It could be that b) once she was single, she discovered that the grass isn't greener on the other side, and regretted her stupid impulse.

 

You should find out which it was, and if it was a), then I wouldn't take her back. If you do, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of getting temporarily dumped every time she finds someone new she wants to sleep with.

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What do YOU want? Do you want her back again?

 

IF she has openly said so, herself that she'd like to 'roam', then I'd hold that to her. Let her go-- she's only 'missing you'. Doesn't necessarily mean she 'wants you back'.. so if you two do get back together, she could very well turn and do this again in 2 months w/e.

 

Think on it...

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What probably happened was she found someone else over there who she trully liked and ended up eventually getting rejected. Come on!!! It was 6 months!!!.... In this case I'd let it rest...be friends if you think you can handle it and make it clear. Also, I suggest meeting up in the day time for coffee or something in public...At night, you will probably end up playing the friends with benefits things if you aren't careful.. In all honestly, I think there are very rare amounts of guys out there and girls for that matter who really care to be loyal.

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It depends on what you want from the relationship, i wouldn't meet her if you are adamant that you dont want to be with her as there is no point.

 

If you still feel theres a chance between you, then sure, meet up and see what she has to say and what the vibe is like.

 

It sounds as if she made a mistake and regrets it. At least she was honest with her feelings.

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