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Hanging with the ex.


Opsurfer

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I have been trying to get back together with my ex, and its slow going. We have 3 children together, the kids say that she is starting to like me again, of course they want us to be a family. She said that she is not going to get back together, but her actions are the opposite. I am crazy about her, and really enjoy her company, we have not fought at all. I spent almost every night last week at her house for thanksgiving, I slept on the couch, but we watched movies, cooked, played games. Am I overthinking this? One minute I feel good about the direction and then I start thinking and fall apart inside. Any advice??

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You're still hoping to win her back after she's said she doesn't want to be with you. I think you need to take a step back and work on the things you enjoy instead of prioritizing her so highly. That might make her miss you a bit more and not take for granted the good stuff you have together.

 

Moreover since you have children it'll keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex. She will never disappear entirely from you life but she will know when she learns about the new and improved you. That might increase her attraction to you. It won't work if you have to convince them to be with you. It might work if they realize they want to be with you.

 

So stop pushing and take this time for yourself. You'll get a lot out of it depending on how much effort you invest into yourself.

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It's actually a good thing that you've gotten a clear answer, even if it's not the answer you were hoping for: no, she doesn't want to get back together.

 

Now you need to work on accepting that. You'll need to continue to be there for your kids and rebuild those relationships after your absence as a dad in their lives. That can be your focus for now.

 

The romance with your ex is over. It's always possible things could change down the road, but try not to let that hope rule your life. The important thing is to be there CONSISTENTLY for your kids from now on, regardless of whether she ever changes her mind or not.

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