It's only been 3 weeks since I left him

[homesickalien]

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years about 3 weeks ago. After two years of talking about having children in the future, I finally sat him down and asked him to give me a direct answer about what he wants. He was finally honest and admitted he doesn't want children, EVER. I admitted that being with him, a wonderful and caring man, made me want to have children WITH HIM> The situation is so complicated, but hearing what he wants made me leave the relationship. He gave me 5 days to leave his house, so I ended up finding roommates on Craigslist. I've been struggling financially and emotionally on my own, and feel so hurt that he was willing to let me go, but I have to respect his decision. I feel like someone has died and the crying doesn't stop. I want to move on as soon as possible because I hate feeling sad all the time. When I imagine him with someone else, I feel rage and sadness. I can't stand thinking he will ever hook up with some woman who already has children and he will just accept them into his life. I can't help but wonder if perhaps it was something about me that made him not want children with me. I can't help but wonder if perhaps he just wasn't all that happy with me and used this as an outlet to let me go.

 

I feel horrible.

[kitkat620]

Assuming reasons for why you split up is a waste of time and too mentally draining.

You sat him down and asked for a direct answer, which he gave, and he moved on. You need to do the same. Yes, 4 years is a long time to be with someone with no promise of a future, but it isn't the end of the world or the end of your dating life. There is still very much a chance that you will find someone who shares your wants and desires for the future and who you will be happy with again.

Don't look into him not wanting children as something more than what it actually is. Many people, men and women, are perfectly content with their lives not having children in it. And it seems he is one of those people. Accept what he said as just that and don't continue to stress over assumptions or explanations that just don't exist.

Keep yourself busy and do positive things to keep your mind occupied. Working out, yoga, taking long walks, talking and spending time with good friends and family are all things to help you get through this difficult time. And you will survive this but it will take time and effort on your part.

[JJ2980]

You were the one who left, not him. You can't now be upset that he hasn't chased after you. He made it clear he didn't want kids and you did (with him). How did you think you'd get around that issue? In saying that I have a lot of sympathy for you. Unfortunately, that one thing you want can make or break a lot of relationships. If you want kids in the future then don't give up hope on that. Find someone who wants the same thing. My condolences!!

[lady00]

Sorry to hear he sprung this on you after two years of acting like he wanted kids. I hope that knowing that you have such a major incompatibility will help you heal.

[homesickalien]

easier said than done, but I must move on and follow your advice. Thank you