Jump to content

Confused about a girl....of course


JSM1818

Recommended Posts

Hey all,

 

To preface this I'm 25 just starting my career and she is 22 with one semester left of college.

 

So to jump right in I met this girl through some friends 3 weeks ago and we really hit it off. We went on our first date a week later and everything was great. She spent the night with me(no sex) and we had been talking on the phone/texting every day since I met her. She would tell me how much she enjoyed being around me and would tell me about all the things she wanted to do with me.

 

Then about 2 days ago she started to seem distant, short texts, not having time to hang out, etc. Last night she sent me a text saying she's trying to find herself, needs to focus on school, and how it's just not a good time to start a relationship with anyone. It's finals week next week and she said it's her hardest semester ever. She's graduating in the Spring.

 

I asked her if this was her way of breaking it off and she said I was great, even wonderful, but it just isn't a good time to start anything just yet.

 

Do you guys think she is just stressed about finals and should I just give her some space until after they are over? Should I break off all contact? Just thoughts and suggestions in general would be much appreciated.

 

Thanks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you not remember the stress of finals?

 

Yes --- you need to give her space. And asking if she "didn't have the same feelings" --- you haven't even dated a month. I get that you like her.

But she is right -- she simply doesn't have the time to text/chat all day with finals looming.

 

Break off all contact unless you hear from her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@mhowe -- I definitely remember the stress of finals. After re-reading the text I sent I said " is this your way of breaking it off?" rather than asking if she "didn't have the same feelings". I'll fix that.

 

@SocialStigma -- Thanks for the advice. I guess I was thinking more long-term than short-term as far as when she said it not being the right time to start a relationship.

 

I definitely planned on breaking contact until she finished up finals and then see where things go from there. Good idea or should I wait and see if she contacts me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like her focus is on school, on herself, her future, career, etc. The result is that she wants to be free to pursue all that without being bogged down with a relationship. Also, she is just not that into you. You are nice and fun, but not enough for her to want to make it work or bend away from being completely free to choose where she wants to work, live, etc. come graduation.

 

Leave her be. If it's truly just finals stress, then she'll reach out to you once she is done, but I doubt it. Sounds like you only went out on one date in three weeks and the rest was all just talking and texting? Low interest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like her focus is on school, on herself, her future, career, etc. The result is that she wants to be free to pursue all that without being bogged down with a relationship. Also, she is just not that into you. You are nice and fun, but not enough for her to want to make it work or bend away from being completely free to choose where she wants to work, live, etc. come graduation.

 

Leave her be. If it's truly just finals stress, then she'll reach out to you once she is done, but I doubt it. Sounds like you only went out on one date in three weeks and the rest was all just talking and texting? Low interest.

 

I'd definitely agree with you under normal circumstances, but the week after our date was Thanksgiving break. So she went back to her hometown 2 hours away to see family she hadn't seen in 4 months.She was there for 7 days. Then this week is the last week of class, next week is finals. You don't think this is just bad timing?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you not remember the stress of finals?

 

Yes --- you need to give her space. And asking if she "didn't have the same feelings" --- you haven't even dated a month. I get that you like her.

But she is right -- she simply doesn't have the time to text/chat all day with finals looming.

 

Break off all contact unless you hear from her.

 

Oh I remember the stress of finals.. After re-reading my text I said "Is this your way of breaking it off?" rather than if she "didn't have the same feelings" . I'll fix that in the main post.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As a 23 year old in the midst of exams right now, yes. Give her space and she will come back to you after she finishes her exams if she's interested. I would still text her to wish her good luck etc but I wouldn't expect long phone calls or to hang out right now.

 

I was planning on breaking contact until after finals were over and then re-initiating and see how things go. Good idea or wait and see if she talks to me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd definitely agree with you under normal circumstances, but the week after our date was Thanksgiving break. So she went back to her hometown 2 hours away to see family she hadn't seen in 4 months.She was there for 7 days. Then this week is the last week of class, next week is finals. You don't think this is just bad timing?

 

I'm not her, but all I can say is this - if I was into a guy, I would never in a million years tell him now is not a good time for a relationship or I need to find myself. If I'm busy, then I'll tell him what is making me busy and more importantly when I'll be free. Heck, I'd be sure to have a date arranged first night after the last final to be sure I don't lose him.

 

Anyway, give her space since she asked for it. I would leave with her on a open door kind of a deal - basically she can reach out to you if she feels like it, otherwise you will be leaving her be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you not remember the stress of finals?

 

Yes --- you need to give her space. And asking if she "didn't have the same feelings" --- you haven't even dated a month. I get that you like her.

But she is right -- she simply doesn't have the time to text/chat all day with finals looming.

 

Break off all contact unless you hear from her.

 

I'm not her, but all I can say is this - if I was into a guy, I would never in a million years tell him now is not a good time for a relationship or I need to find myself. If I'm busy, then I'll tell him what is making me busy and more importantly when I'll be free. Heck, I'd be sure to have a date arranged first night after the last final to be sure I don't lose him.

 

Anyway, give her space since she asked for it. I would leave with her on a open door kind of a deal - basically she can reach out to you if she feels like it, otherwise you will be leaving her be.

 

I was planning on breaking contact until after finals were over and then re-initiating and see how things go. Good idea or wait and see if she talks to me?

 

wait and just let her get in touch, she asked for space, so give her it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...