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How to heal and move-on quicker


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Today is Day 8 of NC for me and about 2 weeks since my ex contacted me requesting that I leave her alone. I know 8 days is a drop in the buckect so it shouldnt be any surprise that I still feel worse than ever. But that's not what this thread is about. I wanted to make a list of things that family/friends/forum members/therapist advised me to do to help me move on quicker. I thought I'd share the list with you folks so we can all take this journey together. And if you have anything to add, I would love to hear it so I can implement it in my daily routine! Here goes

 

1. NC, NC, NC. If you are suffering from a broken heart this is the only way you'll heal. This means no contact of any kind. Block them from your phone, block them from your email, block them and all of their friends/family from social media, delete any pictures on your hard drive, get rid of anything that reminds you of them in your living space, and no stalking of any kind, whatsoever. And while I feel it's the most important rule on this list, it's also the hardest to follow. I made the mistake of breaking this a couple of times: Apologizing, getting closure, seeing how she was doing, checking her FB page...it all ended up making the situation way worse. Ignorance is bliss.

 

For whatever reason, the relationship didn't work out. They messed up and you messed up. You hurt them, they hurt you. Either way, you both need time to heal from this. And that won't happen while you remain in contact. This is not a tool to win your ex back either. This is a tool to allow yourself to heal and move on quickly as possible. If your ex reaches out and wants to reconcile, well you'll have to make a decision if you want to continue healing with NC or break it and chance going back to ground zero for a second shot.

 

2. Take Multi-vitamins. You need all those B vitamins that will help ease stress and battle against depression and anxiety.

 

3. Take a pen and paper and write out a list of things you never liked about your ex. Keep it in your pocket and pull it out when you feel upset.

 

4. Don't bottle up your emotions. If you feel like crying or screaming, do it...and do it often. Especially crying, every tear you release is like releasing a part of that person and the pain they're causing you.

 

5. Have to credit my ENA forum friend, Phish23 for this one. Get a dry erarasble marker and write this on the bathroom mirror: "It wasn't you, it was him/her. You're a great person, move forward. THese feelings are just temporary, you will get through this." Its an excellent little reminder everytime you step foot in there.

 

6. Re-arrange your living space. Buy different pictures, move around furniture...whatever. In my case, I'm actually going through the process of changing apartments because of my break-up. Too many memories at my current place and it just makes me feel miserable every time I'm home. My new place is going to be an upscale bachloer pad with no bad memories attached! Cant wait!

 

7. Keep yourself busy with family, friends, hobbies, and activities. I can't stress this one enough. You're gonna feel miserable no matter what for a long time to come. So you may as well spend your time with people you enjoy and doing things you love. In my case, I didn't find myself with alot of friends after my break-up (I met most of my friends through her). So, what did I do? I joined link removed and joined various clubs.

 

8. Take steps to make you look hotter than you already do. I'm guessing your self-esteem is suffering right now because you feel abandoned. So change that. Get a personal trainer, exercise, get a new hair-cut, new clothes, bleach your teeth, whatever the heck. Just do it.

 

9. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. I'm not proud to say that I tried to use both to cope with the pain. No matter if it works or not for the short-term, you will feel 100x worse the next day. It's not a feeling I wish on anyone.

 

10. Put your pain in perspective. Look at the world news and see the thousands of people dying each day. Or go visit a cancer ward. I know it sounds morbid but it helps you understand that what you're going through is so tiny compared to what other folks have to deal with each day.

 

11. Volunteer. I have not tried this one yet but will be starting next week. No matter what type of crap you're going through in life, helping others just makes you feel like a better person. Not to mention it also relieve stress. No wrong can come of it.

 

12. Forgive your ex and yourself. This is one I haven't done yet either but I am working on. I have forgiven her but not myself. It's important to know that we're all just human and prone to mistakes. That's how we learn. You did the best you could at the time and that's all you can ever do. If you feel you could have done something better than learn from it and implement it in your next relationship. Cool quote from my uncle regarding this: "Life is a journey with many obstacles. You will learn as you age they are experiences that build character."

 

13. Posterboard and magazine cut-outs. I know this one is cheesy and I'm sure most of us have done this at one point or another in school. But get a posterboard and cut out the things you see in magazines that you desire or that make you happy. Traveling, music, friends, family, relationship, money, sports, art...whatever it is, just paste them on that posterboard and hang it up in your apartment in plain site. Good reminder that there are so many other things in this world that can make us happy besides a relationship, especially one with our ex.

 

14. Pray for them. I will be the first to admit I'm the opposite of relgious. But I gave it a shot and it did help. As much hurt as my ex caused me, I put that aside for a 2 minute prayer. I asked the "powers that be" to put my ex on the right path of healing and improving herself so she can ultimately be happy one day. I also prayed that she's not taking this as hard as I am.

 

15. Write, write, write. There is something theraputic about getting your thoughts/feelings down on paper. For instance, log how you feel every day. And over time, hopefully you'll see some improvements and it'll give you a boost that everything will be ok. Or write on these forums so you can share your experience with others or help someone else out with their situation (hence what I'm doing!). Or write an email (THAT YOULL NEVER SEND) to your ex. Explain everything that you would want him or her to know.

 

16. Buddy system. Through these forums and some others, I've become friends with some of the people that frequently post and going through the same thing as I am. So, we exchange personal emails and talk about how we're feeling every day. It's a great tool for moral support. You help them stay on track and they help you. if anyone is interested in this, PM me and I would be glad to talk to you everyday and get through this together!

 

17. Exercise, eat properly, drink tons of water. I won't go into detail on this one, I think we all know the benefits of this.

 

18. Have a funeral in your mind for the person that you lost. Despite what you want to think, the person you were in love with is no longer. If they were, you wouldn't be reading this right now on this forum. People change and it's just a fact of life. Picturing their funeral is a way for you to come to terms with the loss and move on. Again, too morbid?

 

19. Therapy. This is definitely not for everyone but if you're having a hard time moving on and feeling depression and anxiety, they can help.

 

...What else?

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You said it all ! keep up the good work, time is the true healer, i didnt believe it but it is !! keep strong.

 

Thanks for the kind words! You're right...time is the only cure. I should have rephrased it and said: None of these things will cut down on the time it takes to get over someone. BUT if you don't follow these things, it has the potential to be prolonged.

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Hi cubby bear!

 

Nice post. One thing that I did in the past that helped me was to recognize my own needs. During a break up, I was down in dumps but I had a lot of work to do. So some days I would make a deal with myself-- get up and face work with a good (but fake) attitude and then I could come home and crawl back under the covers. Sometimes pushing myself to keep going even though I didn't "want" to, helped me get stronger at my own pace.

 

It's okay to have a down day or set back, but push yourself, too, when you can. Sometimes we are so focused on being strong or moving forward we forget its okay to just have down time and rest our over active brains. Or just eat a brownie.... Rome wasn't built in a day.

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Hi cubby bear!

 

Nice post. One thing that I did in the past that helped me was to recognize my own needs. During a break up, I was down in dumps but I had a lot of work to do. So some days I would make a deal with myself-- get up and face work with a good (but fake) attitude and then I could come home and crawl back under the covers. Sometimes pushing myself to keep going even though I didn't "want" to, helped me get stronger at my own pace.

 

It's okay to have a down day or set back, but push yourself, too, when you can. Sometimes we are so focused on being strong or moving forward we forget its okay to just have down time and rest our over active brains. Or just eat a brownie.... Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

I love it!!! Great idea. So, basically giving yourself an hour or two a day to feel like crap and have a pity-party (I may need more time than that!!! ). But the rest of the time you push through and set goals for yourself. I'm going to start doing that. Thanks

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Great post OP!

 

But as for the nº1 NC... how do you block her from your mind, from your thoughts?? I keep talking to her in my mind.. I can't help it. Even after 2 months of NC.

 

Unfortunately, that won't happen for awhile. You just have to deal with the pain and face it head on. I'm told that if you're dwelling on it for a long period of time, snap yourself out of it by focusing on something else. Like do push-ups, wash dishes, or read a book. Anything to break the thought process.

 

I'm on day 10 of NC and I'm still miserable. Think about her every second of the day and have these overwhelming urges to email her. The only thing that prevents me from making contact is I don't want to go back to day 0 of NC. I don't want to endure this pain a day longer than I have too.

 

Hang in there. You should be proud of yourself by holding out for 2 months. Keep strong!

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Unfortunately, that won't happen for awhile. You just have to deal with the pain and face it head on. I'm told that if you're dwelling on it for a long period of time, snap yourself out of it by focusing on something else. Like do push-ups, wash dishes, or read a book. Anything to break the thought process.

 

I'm on day 10 of NC and I'm still miserable. Think about her every second of the day and have these overwhelming urges to email her. The only thing that prevents me from making contact is I don't want to go back to day 0 of NC. I don't want to endure this pain a day longer than I have too.

 

Hang in there. You should be proud of yourself by holding out for 2 months. Keep strong!

 

Thank you. You too hang in there.

 

I too had and still have the urge to call her and talk to her, I want answers that she cant give me, I want to understand why! I want to vent out with her (she was my best friend too) because she's the one who know's me the best etc but as you said it would do worse.

 

But it's really hard to let go of someone you love so much. Lately I've been trying to think that maybe people just change and now she's not someone who I would like to even have a friendship.

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