Mb1212 Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Okay so I've become really close with this girl I work with in the last few months and I would say she's one of my closest friends at this point. Anyways we work together usually the same shift and weve been going out to eat or get drinks after our shifts and it seems like almost everytime she never has money but she's the one who's initiating where we should go. For example last night we went to this Mexican restaurant that she suggested and when we got to pay she only brought seven dollars but her meal was over 11 dollars. She always says she will pay me back but I've noticed that then we will go out somewhere else and she will pay for mine but it's always significantly less than the money she owes me. Last week we went out for taco Tuesday which was only 8 dollars for the both of us and she "accidentally left her wallet in her car" so I paid for hers but before that she needed to go to rite aid to get condoms and that's when I found out she didn't have her wallet so she just said she'd pay me back. So that night in total was 12 dollars she owed me then the next day we shared a pizza which cost 8 dollars total and she just said "I'll pay since I owe you" but then the next day we shared a salad at work and asked me for two dollars for my share of the cost... Sorry if this is hard to follow but basically I always end up paying for her because she will either forget her money or only bring in a couple dollars wherever we go. And she has yet to pay me back she just pays for something of mine that is always cheaper than what she owes me. The money isn't very much usually under ten dollars but but now adding it all up over the past couple months she probably owes me around 50 dollars. We're both college students working at a restaurant, we make the same money which is why I find it so frustrating half the time it's not until we're paying when I find out she doesn't have the money with her or is expecting me to pay and And she will "pay me back". She's always nice about it and enthusiastically will talk about how she will pay me back tomorrow and what not so its hard to get mad because she acts like its so obvious she will give me the money soon. Am I right to be annoyed by this? At this point I'm going to just stop going out with her because Im a broke college student I can't afford to pay for both of our shares of everything. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I had a friend like this and I learned to ask as we set out...do you need to stop at an ATM? Problem solved. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I had a friend like this and I learned to ask as we set out...do you need to stop at an ATM? Problem solved. Yup! Also I like to use, "I only have X amount so I'm going to get something small. What are you getting?" Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I don't think she's a friend or she wouldn't be doing this to you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Nah...she is just cheap. She can still be a good friend. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Nah...she is just cheap. She can still be a good friend. Ya, everyone has flaw and in this one isn't so terrible. Just needs some boundaries. Link to comment
Mb1212 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 I do think she's a good friend this is my only issue with her and I just think she's really cheap but I like the idea of asking if she needs to stop at an ATM it's after work sometimes also and she'll have her tip money with her but then she'll put most of it in her car and only bring a couple dollars (if I'm driving) I can't tell if she's clueless as to how much things will cost or she's purposely trying to make me pay for a little but of hers everytime. I'm going to start asking for separate checks when we go out and stop sharing food because I always end up paying for it. The thing I'm most frustrated by is me paying for her condoms. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Nah...she is just cheap. She can still be a good friend. Cheap is not going because you don't want to spend the money. It's another thing entirely to repeatedly expect the same specific person to pay your way. Be prepared when you ask her if she needs to stop at the ATM for her to say 'why, do you need money? I'm fine with you paying my way like you always do'. If you really think she's your friend, just tell her you don't want to lay for her stuff anymore - she would surely have zero problem with that. Link to comment
laninaperdida Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 In general, girls are cheaaap. (Those under 35, anyway... They eventually grow up, haha.) I've had the same problem my wholllle life, but you gotta work with what you got. The *best* way to solve this problem is to embarrass her without making it seem like that's what you're doing. She's perfectly aware of what she's doing so talking to her will most likely not accomplish anything. If I were you (but I'm a b1tch, lol), the next time this happens, I'd be like "Oh, I'm so sorry! I can only afford to pay for myself." She'll get in a panic, but talk really loudly... Let the other people know she doesn't have the money. When the waitress comes back, I'd be like "Tell the waitress you don't have enough, maybe she can help? I'm going to go pay up front & I'll meet you outside." Then get up & go, lol. Let her solve her own battles. The trick is to remove yourself from the scene without actually ditching her. She'll be so embarassed & may not talk to after, but so what? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Yup! Also I like to use, "I only have X amount so I'm going to get something small. What are you getting?" yes this is how I would play it as well ... I would state something like "right we need to be going somewhere that can feed me for a fiver because that's all I've got" But you must stick to it and not bail her out if she still claims that she has not got enough . Link to comment
laninaperdida Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 FTR, I once made a girl walk home from the bar because she said she didn't have enough money to split even though that was our agreement. I didn't tell her that's what I was doing, but I was like if i have to pay for it myself i'm going to go visit someone (on the other side of town & nowhere near where we both lived), but I actually went home. Link to comment
alli Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I would use a combination of methods. One is to frequently ask her before going out if she remembered her wallet or if she needs to stop at the ATM, as already mentioned. The other is to bring only enough to cover your portion of the bill. Perhaps bring 10 or 12 dollars. It will be awkward when the bill comes and she doesn't have enough money to pay for her meal and you don't have money to lend her. Awkward enough that most people would learn not to do that again. Link to comment
Mb1212 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 You guys are hilarious! Haha. The thing is I always have my purse on me wallet included with all my debit, credit cards I think she's caught on that I'll always enough in case she doesn't but maybe I should start going in with just cash enough for myself. It's just frustrating but I don't want to start a fight over it because it's not worth it but I think I'm gonna do a combination of asking before hand if she needs to go to the atm or get her wallet out of her car and also always asking for separate checks Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 The time I took a stand...I actually pulled up to ATM machine. She asked why we were stopping and I told her....because you never have enough money. It never happened again. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 You guys are hilarious! Haha. The thing is I always have my purse on me wallet included with all my debit, credit cards I think she's caught on that I'll always enough in case she doesn't but maybe I should start going in with just cash enough for myself. It's just frustrating but I don't want to start a fight over it because it's not worth it but I think I'm gonna do a combination of asking before hand if she needs to go to the atm or get her wallet out of her car and also always asking for separate checks Well you can always go with, "I've been spending to much recently. I'm only going to spend X amount to night." Link to comment
KarenC Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 You have every right to feel the way that you do because she sounds to be a USER and also a deceptive and dishonest person. If I were you -- I would just be honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel because she isn't right at all. You're in the same boat as her (in College and on budget) so she would be ashamed of her actions but she's isn't and if you ask me I'd say that the only reason that she hangs out with you is to possibly pull off her little scheme and that she can't use on others. I've had friends in the past to do me this exact same way and I found that they took my kindness for weakness and after 20 years I can honestly say that none of them has ever attempted to find me so don't waste your time on her. If you can't bring yourself to tell her then just ask her before going out with her if she has money and just simply say that you don't have it to spare and make it plain and clear that you can't pay for her items. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I would be very upfront before you guys drive off and say that you only have x dollars to spend so you can't cover anything else. Offer to stop by an ATM for her if she needs it. The Message will be pretty clear. My boyfriend and I are friends with this guy who never has money. He doesn't have a job though. Sometimes he has gas money which he will give to us or, in exchange, he'll help us clean our apartment. Hehe I like not having to clean sometimes. Link to comment
jennylove Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 How about telling her the truth - that u are going Dutch. No need to hint about the ATM etc. just b honest. Link to comment
Mb1212 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 Okay guys so tonight we went out for taco Tuesday I told her before we went I had no cash on me she said she would have enough for both since she owed me. She drove and as we were getting out of the car she was saying she doesn't know if she has enough with her tip money and asked if I had my card on me and I said I'm sure you'll have enough so she gathered 9 dollars and asked me to hold it in my purse when we paid it was only about 6 dollars (great taco Tuesday!) so we paid with her money and then she was asking for the rest of her money back and I said oh well there's only two dollars left and you owe me from the other night so I'll just keep it. She seemed a little frustrated but whatever! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Okay guys so tonight we went out for taco Tuesday I told her before we went I had no cash on me she said she would have enough for both since she owed me. She drove and as we were getting out of the car she was saying she doesn't know if she has enough with her tip money and asked if I had my card on me and I said I'm sure you'll have enough so she gathered 9 dollars and asked me to hold it in my purse when we paid it was only about 6 dollars (great taco Tuesday!) so we paid with her money and then she was asking for the rest of her money back and I said oh well there's only two dollars left and you owe me from the other night so I'll just keep it. She seemed a little frustrated but whatever! That was good thinking! Keep it up.... chi Link to comment
Moontiger Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Okay guys so tonight we went out for taco Tuesday I told her before we went I had no cash on me she said she would have enough for both since she owed me. She drove and as we were getting out of the car she was saying she doesn't know if she has enough with her tip money and asked if I had my card on me and I said I'm sure you'll have enough so she gathered 9 dollars and asked me to hold it in my purse when we paid it was only about 6 dollars (great taco Tuesday!) so we paid with her money and then she was asking for the rest of her money back and I said oh well there's only two dollars left and you owe me from the other night so I'll just keep it. She seemed a little frustrated but whatever! High Five! Perfect! Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 "I'll pay --- oops, do you have your card". Time to rethink this "friendship". Link to comment
Mb1212 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 "I'll pay --- oops, do you have your card". Time to rethink this "friendship". Yep... I was really annoyed she even said that.. Then in her glove compartment she had a stack of ones and fives all her tip money the last month that she "needs to deposit" Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 She is deliberately using you. What the heck did you need the card for if she OWES you money, and has it in her car? Link to comment
Mb1212 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 She is deliberately using you. What the heck did you need the card for if she OWES you money, and has it in her car? Exactly I really have no idea but we do he along really well and she is a good friend always there for me etc she's just cheap I suppose? Link to comment
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