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ex not looking too good


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I'm feeling great lately. I've managed to remain somewhat friends via text with my ex. Once I realized it was never going to work and I was more infatuated with a relationship in general rather than her, I can safely say I feel nothing when I see her or speak with her. Although it's not good to keep "tabs" on her per say, right now it really just doesn't matter to me. I saw her out the other night at a bar and she looked miserable. I'm talking truly.. miserable. Apparently the guy she left me for and her have broken up 4 times since we broke it off 5 months ago. She gave me one breakup and he has been given 4 and they are back together again! Her friends tell me he is literally insane and she has told me they scream and cry at each other and call each other names... the whole deal. We never had one single fight like that in 5 years. Her response to that when I asked her was "it is what it is". It's so crazy seeing these flags from the other side! She still has had zero recovery time from our breakup and I'm 5 months in the right direction and you can just tell in our faces who is prevailing as far as being truly happy. I'm not wishing sadness or misery on her but once you realize you made the right choice in healing and figuring yourself out, you will be truly grateful. It literally makes no sense to me what she's feeling right now because I've just enjoyed being happy with myself and haven't had any serious relations with another girl. My ex also thinks she has me in her back pocket according to her friends. She's so very wrong. Not looking for answers or questions, just stating that it is important you HEAL after a breakup. Give it time and you will heal. If your ex leaves you for someone else (GIGS) and you don't see them often, don't always assume they're having the time of their life. I'm a testament of true happiness after a LTR headed for marriage. You're all going to be just fine.

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I truly believe that taking as long as you need in order to completely heal & get rid of all traces of your ex and the old relationship is the best way forward. I've seen far too many folks jump straight into a new relationship days, weeks after a LTR breakdown and they all end up miserable.

 

Keep up the good work

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I am glad you are doing so well. And f her anyway. Haha

 

I will never understand people in toxic, down right mean relationships. It's definitely something with them! I am almost to the three week point of the bu. yeah, his ex came back and snatched him right off me. I was feeling really bad and definitely mourned the situation tons in the last few weeks-- sleeping, crying, wondering, posting, SMOKING, not eating... The whole nine.

 

But today, I am feeling better. I think I am going to be okay. For whatever reason, I just realized I don't need him... He wasn't the last man on earth. And even if i don't have a new bf for the holidays, in the long run I am going to be ok and it doesn't even matter whether he is doing great or being tortured by his new/old gf. Because once the trust is broken, it's broken and you can only move forward for yourself.

 

I am glad you feel good. I think this forum needs more positive posts about moving forward after a bu.... But hey when your happily be-bopping through life, you don't have to post about it. Haha

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A lot of people leave this forums when they heal except for a handful that are here to help. I think it brings back bad memories and there's a lot of really sad stories on here that can even bring the healed back to a fog. I didn't mean for this thread to seem condescending towards her. She just made some bad decisions and is severely paying for it. This is her third relationship in a row carrying baggage into the next. Hopefully one day she'll make a change for herself and her future partner...

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I will never understand people in toxic, down right mean relationships. It's definitely something with them! I am almost to the three week point of the bu. yeah, his ex came back and snatched him right off me. I was feeling really bad and definitely mourned the situation tons in the last few weeks-- sleeping, crying, wondering, posting, SMOKING, not eating... The whole nine.

 

I was wondering... how long was he broken up with his ex before you guys started a relationship? It is good to read you are feeling better and progressing positively.

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This is great advice and it's always nice to hear the good side of breakups. Your story hit home for me; the gal I dated for three and a half years was with somebody else two weeks after we broke up. They're married now, but word on the street is that she isn't happy. She sure doesn't look as happy as she used to. As for me, I've now been dating a girl for almost four months and I'm really digging her.

 

Onward and upward!

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I was wondering... how long was he broken up with his ex before you guys started a relationship? It is good to read you are feeling better and progressing positively.

 

Hi heartxbroken

 

I am not really sure. When we got together he told me they dated for a year and were broke up for a year. It's hard to explain, but I just don't think he was honest with me about time frames. He was also married and divorced. Long story, short: looking back, his time frames just don't add up.

 

Edited to say: I guess the point is, the actual time doesn't really matter. Whether he got back with her or not (I assume he did), whatever happened between them and however long ago it was, he was not healed/ready to be with me.

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Same here... working on ME and healing. Going on month 7 from a 5 yr relationship. Has been VERY hard to handle this one. dont recall it EVER being this difficult for me with any others.. wow.

 

He also 'moved on'- and before things were dealt with, with me. I know he 'missed me lots' etc.

When i asked him once if he was 'happy'..he said 'no'. Nut things were 'okay'. Oh well- he made this bed, he can lie in it!

 

I am taking my time to deal with ME, my emotions and my loss. It is still hard but I do keep going. At least I didnt run on into a relationship with anyone within days/weeks of our fall out.

I can tell i'm still healing and just not ready for that, again.

 

Very good, Dere... tc

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Same here... working on ME and healing. Going on month 7 from a 5 yr relationship. Has been VERY hard to handle this one. dont recall it EVER being this difficult for me with any others.. wow.

 

He also 'moved on'- and before things were dealt with, with me. I know he 'missed me lots' etc.

When i asked him once if he was 'happy'..he said 'no'. Nut things were 'okay'. Oh well- he made this bed, he can lie in it!

 

I am taking my time to deal with ME, my emotions and my loss. It is still hard but I do keep going. At least I didnt run on into a relationship with anyone within days/weeks of our fall out.

I can tell i'm still healing and just not ready for that, again.

 

Very good, Dere... tc

 

You are doing great. I do remember ending a 4 year relationships with no break ups or anything prior. We were together for the whole 4 years. It took about a year to really move on, for me. It's like that first year of holidays, bdays, special occasions.... You have to get through that to create your new normal.

 

Hang in there. You've already come so far!!!!

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Sounds like you are doing great there dereitis, i say "well done!" with with moving on

Your post has reminded me of the hidden baggage that some partners bring into a relationship. And if they dont deal with it, its going to affect their next relationship, and the one after that etc. I can see how thats going to affect my ex sooner or later.

Theres the importance of time and healing right there! I'm making the effort to carry as little luggage as possible onto my next flight with Couple Airways, just a smile and a camera

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Sounds like you are doing great there dereitis, i say "well done!" with with moving on

Your post has reminded me of the hidden baggage that some partners bring into a relationship. And if they dont deal with it, its going to affect their next relationship, and the one after that etc. I can see how thats going to affect my ex sooner or later.

Theres the importance of time and healing right there! I'm making the effort to carry as little luggage as possible onto my next flight with Couple Airways, just a smile and a camera

 

I honestly value it so much that I find it ignorant to use someone else to cope with your breakup. Do it for your future partner. I dealt with a lot of baggage from her 5 year before ours. She carried the resentment, hatred, and jealousy in to our relationship as well as the emotional instability. I honestly think it was the real reason I didn't marry my ex. I couldn't do it as she seemed too hostile to deal with for the rest of my life. Thank you guys for the continued support. I was in such a dark place 5 months ago. I think a lot of my healing has to do with that I already knew a year in that she wasn't right for me. Now I'm really seeing it and it all makes sense. It's been a great learning lesson and I hope to continue to help others.

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Sounds like you are doing great there dereitis, i say "well done!" with with moving on

Your post has reminded me of the hidden baggage that some partners bring into a relationship. And if they dont deal with it, its going to affect their next relationship, and the one after that etc. I can see how thats going to affect my ex sooner or later.

Theres the importance of time and healing right there! I'm making the effort to carry as little luggage as possible onto my next flight with Couple Airways, just a smile and a camera

 

Can you tell me more about this hidden baggage and how it works?

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Can you tell me more about this hidden baggage and how it works?

 

"Hidden baggage" is simply just underlying emotional issues that haven't been dealt with. In my case, my ex has codependency issues and anger fits. When jumping from relationship to relationship and never focusing on fixing your emotional issues, you will continue to affect those in your path until you decide it's time to change. This baggage doesn't necessarily have to be related to "couple" relationships, per say. A lot of my ex's baggage was family trauma that wasn't dealt with the right way when she was younger. She carried that baggage into a relationship where she was cheated on and immediately got with me. See how this is piling up? We stayed together for 5 years and now she's immediately in a relationship with someone else, so honestly, she carries her childhood trauma, her first ex, and our relationship's residual gunk into her new one. This will snowball just the same (as it is already doing) and she'll eventually have to deal with all these past emotions in one go. I'm assuming at some point the madness has to stop. Like I said, she's already in screaming/crying fights with the new guy...think about if I took her back if she came running after her new relationship finally crumbled? That's a broken home and 3 broken long term relationships that have never been dealt with. In the meantime I have been absorbing, reflecting, and feeling all the emotional pain I need to in order to strengthen my inner self.

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