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Is there something wrong with me?


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hi fellow ENAers.

 

it seems like this is the only place where i can go for advice and some comfort. my friends and family are sick of hearing me talk about my ex and what i'm going through. i can understand.

 

i'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me. it's been just over 2 months since the break up and i've only marginally gotten better.

 

i'm so sick of carrying around this sadness, pain, missing my ex, and thinking about her a lot.

 

i'm in therapy and have been on anti-depressants for about 1 month, but it doesn't seem like much is helping. i've been trying to spend time with friends, focus on work, etc, etc, but like i said, i'm not over this.

 

i don't what else to do.

 

last week was great because my parents stayed with me for a week and we had thanksgiving at my place. now that they're gone, i've gone back to sleeping on the couch.

 

is there something wrong with me or is this normal?

 

today has been a really rough day.

 

December 5th would've been our 1 year anniversary.

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There is NOTHING wrong with you. Two months is NOTHING. You need to accept that getting over someone isn't an instant process. You need to stop being so hard on yourself and just let yourself grieve. Just keep on doing what you are doing (ie. focus on work, spending time with friends) and it will continue to get better. Just be patient.

 

Also, even when you have made significant steps forwards, there will still be days that are worse than others. Just have faith that you can and will get through this.

 

Why are you sleeping on the couch?

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I would say it is normal. I was pretty much a wreck the first two three months. I had to sleep with the music on otherwise I would feel alone and suffocated. My cousin came to visit me for a week and that week was pretty good since I was occupied but as soon as she left I went back to the same old.

 

I am much better now but I still have a lot more to go and that is months after the breakup. Obviously the time varies for everybody, some get over it quick others not so much. It is just a painfully long process. You see results down the road instead of instantly.

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Thanks for everyone's responses.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Two months is NOTHING. You need to accept that getting over someone isn't an instant process. You need to stop being so hard on yourself and just let yourself grieve. Just keep on doing what you are doing (ie. focus on work, spending time with friends) and it will continue to get better. Just be patient.

 

Also, even when you have made significant steps forwards, there will still be days that are worse than others. Just have faith that you can and will get through this.

 

Why are you sleeping on the couch?

 

thanks for saying that nothing is wrong with me. it sure feels like it sometimes.

 

the thing is, i'm so tired of grieving. i want to be happy and back to my old self again.

 

i'm sleeping on the couch again because it feels a little more comforting than my bed and i have the tv in the living room.

 

I would say it is normal. I was pretty much a wreck the first two three months. I had to sleep with the music on otherwise I would feel alone and suffocated. My cousin came to visit me for a week and that week was pretty good since I was occupied but as soon as she left I went back to the same old.

 

I am much better now but I still have a lot more to go and that is months after the breakup. Obviously the time varies for everybody, some get over it quick others not so much. It is just a painfully long process. You see results down the road instead of instantly.

 

yeah, i know exactly what you mean. you sound a lot like me after my parents left on sunday.

 

2 months seems like a long time.

 

It's normal.

 

You need to give it more time. And the holidays are rough when you've only recently broken up.... but fortunately they'll be long gone 4 weeks from now!

 

i can't wait for the holidays to be over. i need to find some people to spend time with on xmas this year because i won't be able to travel to see my folks. because of the gov't shutdown, i lost a lot of paid time off and i am making it up now.

 

 

Stop wallowing!

 

i'm trying!! believe me, i am trying.

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Deejay- "actions speak louder than words." Prove it.

 

I will do my best.

 

I can appreciate that but it does get easier which allows you to find the strength to see it through.

 

some days, as you know, it doesn't feel like that. i guess i'm having one of those days.

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If it's only been a cpl of months it is still fresh.. it'll last a while.

If the anti-depressants are non addictive, they WILL take a little bit to start taking affect. 4-6 weeks, so you may notice them helping more, soon.

 

These 'tough' days will happen. Some days you feel sorta 'okay', some days really down, sad, etc. (It comes in waves).

 

Keep working on YOU. Getting rest, exercise.. get air.. eat well.

 

One day at a time..

tc

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There is nothing wrong with you! It is truly a roller coaster! I am almost 4 month post BU and it does come in waves like SooSad says. I have cycled through the stages of grief several times already. With the holiday season, it has been a lot harder. I still have random crying episodes on bad days (had one yesterday) and some days it doesn't hurt as much. There is no going around it.. you need to go through it. Try to focus on yourself!

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If it's only been a cpl of months it is still fresh.. it'll last a while.

If the anti-depressants are non addictive, they WILL take a little bit to start taking affect. 4-6 weeks, so you may notice them helping more, soon.

 

These 'tough' days will happen. Some days you feel sorta 'okay', some days really down, sad, etc. (It comes in waves).

 

Keep working on YOU. Getting rest, exercise.. get air.. eat well.

 

One day at a time..

tc

 

it's been the longest couple of months since i can remember.

 

i don't believe the anti-depressants are addictive. i'm taking viibryd. maybe i need to give it a little more time (there's that word again, lol) for it to work.

 

i am trying to work on me, but sometimes i forget what that really means. the only thing i haven't been doing is exercise. i've been eating pretty well, haven't gained weight but actually lost a few extra lbs. my parents were here for a week and they left on sunday. my mom is a very good cook and left me with a bunch of good leftovers and other food. so i'm set on that front.

 

yes, one day at a time. sometimes it's one moment at a time.

 

There is nothing wrong with you! It is truly a roller coaster! I am almost 4 month post BU and it does come in waves like SooSad says. I have cycled through the stages of grief several times already. With the holiday season, it has been a lot harder. I still have random crying episodes on bad days (had one yesterday) and some days it doesn't hurt as much. There is no going around it.. you need to go through it. Try to focus on yourself!

 

thank you for saying that. at times, i feel like there's something wrong with me. some friends have told me there is, but i think they're just trying to give me some tough love.

 

yes, i am trying to focus on myself.

 

thanks again for both of your responses.

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Deejay,

Absolutely nothing wrong with you at all!!

I am going to share a little here. Hope it helps by seeing somebody elses journey.

 

My own breakthough came just last week, after holding so much in, 6 months of underlying depression, talking to family and counselling for months and months!

I was doing well with fitness goals, have a new job lined up, couple of fun new hobbies started, reconnected with close friends. But nothing felt quite right. It was all so confusing. Missing the ex and not understanding how/why she acted the way she did. Round and round in circles my friend.

I was suffering, mentally torturing myself... is that what people mean when they say "wallowing"?

And the pain sheesh! that pain sticks around if you dont address whats causing it. For me it was Loss.

I finally grieved... properly. Let me tell you, after Grief comes Relief! I dont know if it's a guy thing, but i didn't know how to grieve a loss!

 

I had been doing some reading on eNa recently, a variety of threads, which began to affect me

 

So i went home early from work one day, logged onto here, began reading... and i cried. And cried and cried. And it all came out. I could hear the pain in my sobs and sounds of anguish that escaped from my throat. Didnt try to stop myself, just let it happen. 45 MINS LATER hehe and it started to subside. What followed was the calmest state of mind i have experienced in close to 10 months. My heart had recognised and finally accepted the loss.

 

You know when people talk about letting go, accepting and moving on? They're right. That was my letting go moment. It may happen over time or could hit you all at once. But it is so very important to grieve. Dont fight it.

It has been almost 2 weeks since that happened. Yes i have small sad periods during the day when i think of the ex and kids. But the suffering has ended. The tears and that deep pain have stopped. Acceptance has kicked in, and i have been able to focus a lot more mental energy into rediscovering who i am as a person, and what i have learnt about myself from this whole wretched experience.

It is really quite an interesting and enlightening place to be in. I feel like my eyes are open to the world once more. That mental fog is being burnt away to reveal the life that surrounds me and awaits me.

 

To be able to focus on oneself again after so long having that focus aimed elsewhere! Wow. I've found quite a few things i can improve on, and lots and lots of things that i can keep the same.

 

Suffering you are- but not forever.

Grieve you will- properly, and sooner rather than later

Let it all go- and the door to acceptance is opened wide

Acceptance- will allow you to place the past in the past, bring you into the present, and make you aware of future possibilities.

Moving forward- You are in the drivers seat once again. Nobody else steering but you, so where do you want to go now? Where ever you like!

 

 

Deejay, my thoughts are with you mate... it does take time, but I have confidence that you will come out the other side of this process a shiney, brand new and improved version of yourself

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DeeJay,

Sending you hugs. I know the feeling. Today I have gone from sad to anger to sad then anger again. Guess everything takes time. I appreciate any day I am not alone. Seeing I dont really have any friends I am alone alot. I have coworkers but no one I really speak to after work hours. I sleep on my couch also. I have the TV on all night because that is the only way I get any sleep at all. Extreme quietness makes me sad. Cold weather makes me sad. I just get thru my days a day at a time.

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Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.

 

I am not sure if I have properly grieved. I have cried a lot but not in a long time. Today is just 8 days since last contact (which was bad) and a little over 2 months post BU, as I mentioned.

 

I can't wait to get to where you are. I hope it doesn't take me 6 months. I feel right now a lot like you did: in a fog, anxiety, constantly thinking about my ex, all in the midst of going to work every day, trying to hang out with friends, etc.

 

I am suffering and have been for a while. Maybe I can make myself cry? I don't know. i need to let it go and let my ex go and accept. i go back and forth where i think i have let go and accepted things but i don't think i have completely. i still think about my ex, wonder what she's up to, if she's ok, etc. but i don't really think about wanting her back anymore.

 

Thanks again for sharing, it gives me some insight and something to look forward to.

 

Today is the 2nd day in a row where I woke up in a general state of sadness and anxiety.

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You really need to kick yourself now and make yourself exercise!

 

That one thing alone can make a huge difference -- more than anything. Exercise can have bigger impact on how you FEEL than anti-depressants. You literally flood your brain with feel-good chemicals... it can and will improve your mood so DO IT!

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You really need to kick yourself now and make yourself exercise!

 

That one thing alone can make a huge difference -- more than anything. Exercise can have bigger impact on how you FEEL than anti-depressants. You literally flood your brain with feel-good chemicals... it can and will improve your mood so DO IT!

 

i know. everyone keeps saying this. this fog/funk i'm in really affects my motivation. but i guess i have to FORCE myself to do it.

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Exactly. You do.

 

Use the feelings you have of really WANTING to get through this and be happy. When you get up in the morning, be prepared to have to kick yourself in the butt, and know that your foot will get tired, and your butt get sore, from repeated needed applications for a while.

 

Especially being the holidays AND winter - the season is working against you. So you have to dig really deep and fight it, and really look after yourself properly.

 

Every day you end up bundled into your hole, every day you don't take vitamins and eat well - you're throwing out a huge welcome mat for some extra depression.

 

And make sure to give yourself pats on the back for little accomplishments. Got out of bed with time for a quick walk? Atta boy! Put some pictures away and deleted *that* ringtone? Way to go! Reward yourself with little things, take every day a step at a time.

 

And yes, when it hits you, do let yourself grieve and let go.

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I really love your responses.

 

If it weren't for my dog, I would probably sit on the couch all night. Which is what I pretty much do after I take him out for his evening walk. Luckily, I've been eating well and trying to eat a healthy diet.

 

Today hasn't been so bad. I've been really busy at work and the weather is warmer than it has been recently, plus the sun is shining. So that has helped.

 

I need to talk to my doctor this weekend about the meds i'm on. they make me feel a little weird at times and i sometimes feel "out of it". i thought the anti-depressants would help for the sadness and depression but i think i need to give it another week or 2.

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I am realizing that my mind/brain has already moved on, in essence. Logically, I know that the relationship is over and that most likely, I'll never see or hear from my ex again. And, that we're never getting back together. In addition to her saying we could never be civil to each other.

 

The problem is, my heart doesn't want to let go and accept these things. I want my heart/emotions to catch up to my mind. And I think this is almost the root of my problem.

 

Some moments, it seems like I've accepted everything, most of the times, I haven't.

 

Tonight, I am going to try and make myself grieve. I don't know how I will do it, but I will try.

 

By the way, on Thursday it would be our 1 year anniversary. I'm dreading that day and I will do my best to be strong. Is there any advice someone can give me that would help me or do I just need to survive that day?

 

As Mesemene said, the holidays and winter weather don't help much. It is going to be a rough month.

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Deejay, you're just starting the grieving process. It is going to take a lot more time than you hoped or thought, probably. The harder you try to ignore, push, pull, run, hide, cover up, the harder it will be to get a grip on your emotions.

 

When the subliminal mind is in emergency crisis mode, and your conscious mind is making efforts to ignore what's bubbling under the surface, the two parts of your mind become at odds with each other and it causes intense agitation. You can't run fast enough, far enough, or often enough to escape the pain of grieving. You basically have to surrender to it and work on being strong enough to endure the slow slog of healing.

 

Holidays suck!

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