You Guys are going to shout at me!!! Advice appreciated

[Iggy5129]

I agree with mhowe. Ignoring her will get under her skin more than any witty reply you can think of. Ignore her. She does not deserve any more of your time or energy.

[Grissum71]

She sounds like she has BPD.. link removed

[InterSkyFalcon]

Hi all, today is her birthday. I have kept radio silence since end of November, but considering sending her a birthday message - nothing silly/soppy, just a happy birthday. Any views please? Should I just maintain no contact and let the day pass? thanks,

 

ISF

[Mesemene]

This was a pretty intense liaison, sex was top draw, and we fell in love with each other - hard. This continued and all was good through 2009 and 2010. The first problem surfaced in early 2011 when she got badly injured in a sporting accident. This meant that we couldn’t see each other and she became a bit distant. I then heard some rumours (unsubstantiated) that she was/had been seeing another person from work, but she denied this when I asked her. Things didn’t get better and she initiated our first split in the summer, citing that she wanted to make a go of things with her husband.

 

Ok, breaking this down.

 

This was your first red flag. She's married. And she's courting affairs with more than one person (you just happened to be one of them.)

 

Anyone who stays in a marriage while carrying on multiple liaisons is comfortable with their behavior, or actually gets a rush out of cheating.

 

You would have been interested in a relationship. She's not relationship material. There's no adrenaline rush in a relationship if it's not an illicit one, so you lost your appeal after she was separated.

 

And now, unless I miss my guess, she will float from guy to guy, pursuing eternal initial infatuation and butterflies, and leaving, dissatisfied when those fade, as indeed they must in any normal relationship.

 

She has internal issues of her own. Steer clear. You admit you now have issues you never had before - so get some therapy or counseling, and start working through those. Get your sense of "self" back, because cheating on her husband, I get the impression, was not something you were really comfortable with, or got a charge out of. The very things that stimulate her make you anxious and edgy.

 

That makes her a toxic influence on you.

 

Let her go. Get your own self and house in order, get healthy mentally and emotionally. And get out there and find a woman who wants a stable relationship and constant guy who will cherish her.

[InterSkyFalcon]

Thanks you Mesemene