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One of the things that was hardest for me.


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It was fairly easy to accept that we were no longer together. It was also fairly easy to accept that she would probably end up getting back together with the ex of hers that was the catalyst for our breakup. One thing that was very hard to accept was that she was now part of my past and with each passing second she grew farther from me and the river of time widened.

 

It was sad knowing that with each day gone by, we would know each other less and less. We would start to forget things about one another. The ties that bind grew looser to almost non existent. The love and the hurt and the anger fades, until your life has found a "new" normalcy. I think in long-term relationships, we lose a little bit of ourselves each time. Some former loves take a bigger chunk than others.

 

I saw an old ex of mine yesterday at the store. I couldn't believe that half a decade had already passed. She was recently married to a man that has a child. She looked pretty much the same and had the same miserable look on her face that she always had. I was very relieved to know that I no longer had to put up with her. We exchanged looks that said "I knew you once". It was a tumultuous summer relationship that caused me so much joy and grief and the post breakup breadcrumbs that followed for months and months. It is all well documented on these forums.

 

I've changed so much since that time that going back is impossible. All of my former flames were only meant to work in the time that they happened. They were blessings and lessons all wrapped into one.

 

Now, here I am six months into a new relationship with a wonderful woman. There are times when I wonder if this is the end of my search or will we end up parting at some point when what we had has come and gone?

 

 

"Matchbook"

I can see it in your eyes

I can hear it in your voice

the signs are obvious

that all we had has run its course

and I don't mind giving up the upper hand

in this little charade

cause I've spent too many nights here on the floor

waiting for something inside you to change

 

Don't look back in anger now is all that you can see

cause angers all I got to keep me warm when you're away

and I know that this is nothing new

but tonight it's all I know

disconnect myself from your memory

and never feel anything at all

to justify with all your words

don't mean anything to me

cause I've cut you off

 

So here we stand and face each other

we've got nothing to say

a flashback to another time

when silence was a welcomed friend

now I'm sorry I can never really say

all the things going on inside my head

silence is a justified expression of my war

now nothings like it was before

 

Don't look back in anger now is all that you can see

cause angers all I got to keep me warm when you're away

and all your words and all your actions

don't mean anything to me

cause I've cut you off

 

Don't look back at anger

Don't look back at anger

Don't look back at anger

It's just a memory

 

It's easy to forget your face

and it's easy to survive in this place

without you, without you

I just comb my hair and wash my face

keep straight ahead and keep my pace

just think about nothing, I might never be alright

well I got my friends, I got my pen

got a million distractions to keep me warm

and I know that I'll be alright, that I'll be alright

 

 

 

 

 

What were some of the hardest moments of realization for you guys?

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This song by Red House Painters describes perfectly how I feel, and I've not fully accepted the end yet

 

scares you to know that we won't be

watching the same sun

or brooding the same thoughts

in the same part of the world

scares me how you get older

how you forget about each other

things mean a lot at the time

don't mean nothing later

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