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Why am I being like this.


pixiebob

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This is going to be long but I need to get it all down so people have the picture to help me. I have been in a very tumultuous long distance relationship with a man 10 years my senior for 3.5 years. We have split up several times and got back togeather within a couple of weeks. The breakups have been when one thinks the other has wronged them both being guilty of it. We are both very strong willed and minded people. He has always been quite needy and suffers terribly from aloneness. He does have a group of long term friends whom are very loyal (but he doesn't tell them half of what goes on it his world) and has lied to them all about me. Everything that happens to him is always someone elses fault or he didnt really do it. He has done a small jail sentence 7 years ago for assaulting an ex- girlfriend and has recently been charged with minor assault charge on his teenage daughter. Yes he has his faults but he is also a very caring, and generous man, who I believe deep down has good values. Approx 2years ago I loaned him $15,000. to buy a vehicle which he is paying off at $25 per week for 25 years. About 5 weeks go he came to my town for the weekend I was not very well. The first day was fine, the next I wasn't feeling well and was grumpy and spent the day in bed. He did some work on my car for me, although I thanked him I dont think I came accross as very appreciative. That night we did not speak and in the morning we fought and I told him to get out. I picked up his jacket and helmet to put outside for him so he would be gone by the time the kids woke up. As I went to put them outside He body slammed me into the glass door smashing it and then pushed me to the ground. Kids woke and called police. He left before police arrived, they interviewed him days later. He lied and got off charges. Since then he will not speak to me and said he does not want to talk to me ever again. For some reason I have turned into a bitter ex. Ringing him often trying to talk to him. Texting him as if it were for someone else, just stupid . Teling him I want him back etc. I am pissed off that if he wants to cut all ties fine, pay me back my $15,000. But no he wants to cut all ties and keep the vehicle which no-one knows I paid for. Why am I behaving like this. Do I have a disorder I am not aware of or am I just lashing out. I know I need to stop contacting him. And advice, thought or views would be grateful.

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"yes, he has faults".

 

He has assaulated 3 people --- including his daughter and now you.

 

That isn't a "fault", it is a significant problem.

 

Do you have anything in writing? If not --- you are pretty much out of luck.

 

Yes I do it is for him to pay it off over 25years or sooner if he wants to. This is where I get angry. He says he wants nothing to do with me ever again, which I respect, but hey if you want to cut all ties then cut all ties, not just the ones that suit you. Every week for the next 23 years we will both be reminded of each other. Either that or I cut my losses but in these economic times its a lot of money

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Yes it was in hindsight but at the time it was right. Yes he is direct depositing but every week I have to check to make sure it hasnt been cancelled. Mind F(*&ing to say the least. Why cant/wont he just pay up, if he want nothing to do with me, or is he wanting to inflict as much pain on me as he can even though he ended it, well I assume as he hasn't actually said.

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I wish I could have found a deal like that when I bought my car. *shrugs

 

Really though, you say it's bad economic times but only getting paid 25.00 a week isn't really going to break the bank is it? Do you really want to be tied to a man like this for the next 23 years? I wouldn't, I would honestly cut my ties and be thankful that you dodged a bullet with him.

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I know I need to cut my ties I am just struggling getting myself to that point, because yes I am taking it personally, as the whole thing has ended up leaving me in tight financial position until the debt is cleared, and he is fully aware of the tight position it has left me in.

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We live pretty much hand to mouth week to week as it is.

 

Well, then -- maybe you should eat your pride and tell him that you need the money back.

 

And I am sorry, but if you are living hand to mouth w/ 2 kids -- -you should never have lent it to him to begin with. Your first responsiblity is to your family.

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I have been contacting him to try and sort something, but he just hangs up the phone. When I did it he was expecting a decent sum of money in the not to distant future and said he would pay it back then, alas this money has not yet come to him, but with his dont want anything to do with you stance and knowing him as I do I think even when it comes through he now wont pay me out.

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That doesn't make any sense. If he was supposed to come into a decent sum, your contract should have been for monthly payments until his money came

through and a balloon payment when it did. Not for 25 years.

 

Send him an email instead of calling.

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