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What's the point anymore


cryingalways

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All I do is feel bad and lost without him. I used to think I was so lucky to have him because everything else was going badly in my life. Now I don't even have that. I always told myself I would kill myself if he died or left me. Now I'm just here. Life is actually worse than before. A ton worse. He came along acting like he would make me feel better and always be there for me. Then was horrible to me. Screwed with my head. And threatened to leave a few times, even did once for a day. Now he's actually gone. Just after I got the nerve to leave myself. He comes back and says all these promises and so I gave him his chance and he ripped my heart out. I don't know what the point is anymore. I really don't.

 

My life is almost meaningless. He was everything I wanted. I don't see the point in anything anymore. My life seems to just get worse and worse as I get older. I've had enough. I wish I could stop hoping. That's the only thing that makes me even bother to get up. My stupid hope that gets me nowhere only walked on by people who want to use me. It's always been that way to be honest. I've had so many friends just use me, control me. I just wanted a friend. They seem to be all I can get. I don't know why.

 

I don't feel like I fit in in this life. I'm just here being misunderstood for eternity. `All I wanted was someone to love me. And I can't even get that right. Even the horrible ones leave me. I don't want to let him win. But I feel so lost without him. I am terrified of even letting myself care again about someone like that. And that's all I want. Why can't I do anything and be happy. Nothing ever plans out the way I hoped it would. I'm cursed.

 

God I miss him

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Hey,

 

So many relationships break down...it doesn't mean nobody cares about you or that you won't find that person in the future. Just let him go, start doing the things you enjoy and live your life the way you want to live it and not be controlled anymore. Just think...you're free...you're free to do whatever you want and be whoever you want to be without somebody standing over you, judging you and controlling you. I'd rather be in that situation than mine right now. Please just do whatever you enjoy doing and do what makes you happy.

 

Smile.

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You are not cursed.

Life isn't simply about love. There's a lot more to it; so much to experience and learn. Think of all the possibilities out there.. The opportunities. Thousands upon thousands of images, books and videos are available to you. Creativity is at your fingertips. A plethora of animals, buildings, plants, stores and people surround you, to intrigue you.

Don't let one failed relationship and a few iffy friendships take away what life can give you.

You will fall in love again, I say that almost as a certainty. & there are like-minded people out there who will form worthwhile and lasting friendships with you.

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Sweetie you might feel like you're caught in a never-ending cycle of feeling bad, but that's just not true!

 

Once you get past the initial pain of this breakup -- and that's going to take longer than two months, as you well know -- you'll actually start to feel BETTER. And in time you'll be in a place where you can meet someone new who's much better for you. So there WILL BE progress, your life WILL improve.

 

So even though you're in pain, you're HEADING in the right direction. Out of the darkness and pain.... into the sunshine.

 

You need to have a bit of patience. And some perspective.

 

What you're doing now is something they call "awful-izing"... you're taking this one thing you feel bad about and spreading it out into everything else in your life, making everything as awful and bleak as you feel about this breakup. I get that you're an actress, but that doesn't mean you have to be a drama queen!

 

This breakup will hurt for a while.... then in time will get better. Be a grownup and take your medicine! The rewards are FAR-REACHING and WORTH THE TEMPORARY PAIN you're feeling right now.

 

If you feel your life has no meaning, I suggest you throw yourself into some volunteering for the next few months. Go work at your local no-kill animal shelter, hug the cats and walk the dogs! Throw yourself into GIVING.... get out of your own head.... soak up the love and gratitude heaped on you from the homeless pets..... or find something else to do that feeds your soul -- and do it!!

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Hello again sharky

 

I don't feel like I am getting better. He just becomes more of a memory as time passes which makes it not haunt me so severely but I'm still just as hurt as I was. And angry and defensive too to boot.

 

I admit I probably do "awful-ize" sometimes but my life is really not that great so it is based on fact. I mean, my brother is dead, I have hardly any work/can find hardly any work-so I don't do much (BAD), my friends are sick of me/I'm sick of them-most are in couples and all "loved" up...my future seems to be a big pile of nothing right now. I am trying to work at it but I just feel like it's pointless. I've been in this sort of situation since before my ex and me started going out. He filled the hole I guess. I really do feel like I need and have needed someone close to get through life. You can't always be your own hero all the time, I needed help. And I do again.

 

I feel weak and I guess that's what he wanted. It wasn't exactly a hard task to make me feel that way though.

 

I really do want to be happy and over this so I never take him back though. I think he will probably appear one day and so I want to get out of this weakness before he does. It just feels like no one is as close to me as him though. Anyway we don't know what he will do he is a psychopath.

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Hey girlie I hear ya. That’s how I use to think and feel because it seemed like every person I got involved with either cheated or left me. Ugh! It was terrible L But now I’m just focusing on me because I have no other options. I too have given up on finding somebody. Maybe not forever but at least for a good while because all my experiences just have not been good. Betrayal is keyword and I got tired of it. So now I’m just doing me and letting life throw whatever my way. Remember if you ever get involved with another person. . don’t make them your priority. Don’t care more than they do. I know that sounds depressing lol but if its one thing that life and love has taught is just that. Always keep your guard up and always expect the unexpected. Don’t believe people and their words because in the beginning its all BS because they want you. You’ll get back right trust me. Just do you for a while and see what life has to offer. You’ll be find trust me. Every day gets better and better and know its normal to have your bad days. ((hugs))

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No, of course you're not feeling better.... YET. It's only been 2 months!!!

 

You remind me of that Carrie Fisher quote: "instant gratification takes too long."

 

You will feel better though, in time. So for right now you just have to be a grownup and keep moving forward until you do start to feel better. Sometimes we have to be alone, like it or not. That doesn't mean you'll always be alone.

 

Since you have too much time right now, you should look into volunteering. Giving to others is often the best medicine.

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I will look into it-I should also try and get more work to be honest. I do walk my own dog though! But I know it's not the same. I like giving to other people too (as I'm sure you can imagine...).

 

I've gotta say I feel like it's all some big punishment from him. He did it all in a very "punishing" way. He may never contact me but it sure feels like he wants to punish me. He hated me having that job. Meeting new people who "liked" me. Such a selfish man.

 

I have actually made a video this afternoon. So I managed to get the courage to do that at last, I thought you might like to know

 

Whilst it might not mean much, to me it's a baby step to regaining an identity. I still can't believe it when people tell me they like things about my art now...they really like them. It's been so long...I've been critisized about my videos by him for so long I didn't even think people would like them. So weird the stuff these people do to your head.

 

I still miss him like a crazy woman but I will persevere. What else can I do? I know deep deeeeeeeep down that he is a sick sick person who does not know how to love me.

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You dont miss him, you miss the companionship or you miss having a warm body there. You have said it yourself that your X was abusive to you. You equate abusive attention is good attention and since he is not there to mentally beat you, you might feel like you are not worth mentally beating anymore and thus punishing you for not being worthy of beating.

This way of thinking must stop. There is no one on this Earth who can make you miserable unless you allow them to. Now, re-read that and believe it. You must change the mind set and believe that no one can make you miserable. You are allowing him to make you feel miserable and why? Because you think any feelings towards him makes you still feel "conected" with him. You looking at his FB, re-reading texts, or emails and this makes you feel close to him altho it makes you miserable. Stop that!

You deserve to be happy. Misery will find you if you stay still and do nothing. Fear will find you if you let it, but here is something you dont know, altho fear has a scary face, its also very easy to defeat. All you have to do is smile.

Happiness starts with you and it starts slow, just smile. You know you can attract guys, but your X make sure you didnt meet any, well you are a single princess out there who is waiting to be discovered by the right man and yes all that starts with a smile. Tell misery to go away dont let fear control you, just look at yourself and smile. Try new things and dont say the word 'cant' or 'wont' replace it with "have not done yet" Try salsa dancing, go to a gym, go for walks, treat yourself, there are millions of things you can do to find happiness, but it starts with you. You are the only one holding yourself back..

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Hi No1. He knew how to make me feel good as much as he knew how to make me feel bad to be honest. More than anyone I've ever known in both ways.

 

I don't look at his facebook, re-read old texts, look at photos...I have hidden everything of his away and do not intend on asking him if he wants any of it. I just feel sad and try and move on. I really am trying. I know I talk about him A LOT. But other than that I am making massive effort. I think the talking about him and researching abuse is what makes me feel connected to him. Well, either that or it just makes me feel not alone.

 

The truth is I still love him so I'm still scared of him. When I stop being in love with him I will be better. Both these emotions take time to go away as sharky has said many times to me.

 

My ex told me I was always scared of doing new things. He was so angry when I was scared of fish in the sea. Then when I started to swim he was ludicrously happy....always annoyed that I was afraid....he's made me feel like a failure. He was so angry that I was not a "good enough" cyclist or didn't have my bike at his-that was one of his many break up reasons-my bike was not at his house and he was getting irritated at us hiring those barclays bikes from machines.........I have started running recently-a thing he always suggested but I never did-but cycling and swimming worry me at the moment

 

I am trying to do new things. I have done many things I have not done over the last year recently. It fills my time up with something.

 

I will try and smile more, thankyou.

 

He is just in my head. Perhaps I am allowing him to be. I must cut the emotional cord. It is just a tricky thing to do

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A quote from a poster here.

 

"The one who would leave you is NOT the one for you, never was. YOURS will not leave you. Yours will not turn away in disgust. Yours will not let you go so someone else can have you. THIS one was not the one. TRUST that. BELIEVE that. OWN that."

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I think people will leave who are good though. You might deserve it at the time and it was their only option.

 

In my case this is not so....I did not deserve this confusing end. I'm starting to think he is a borderline personality. When I talk to people about him that's what they say. He was really quite emotionally all over the place. Apparently BPD's have a thing about abandonment and they keep re-living scene of it. They also idealize and devalue again and again due to the same fears. That makes a lot of sense to me. Anyway, doesn't matter now. He's gone for good as far as I can tell for now so I should try and move on yadda yadda.....

 

Yes if my life was better I would not think so highly of him. I believe that is what he was scared of happening while I was away working. But now I'm back and have very little "life". I don't think having a life is something that you can instantly have it takes time to organize everything and even then it's an ongoing process. I'm just starting from rock bottom really seeing as most of my life was him. I've got a few friends back now, a part time job and I go to some clubs but it's not enough to fill the void. And now I have to move next week so I'll be somewhere new which is sort of good but also bad as I will loose a lot of the things I have here now. Sometimes I just feel like running away to the middle of nowhere but I'd probably get lonely.

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