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I have known this girl for over a year and our relationship was just under a years time before I broke it off. She is the type to be emotionally reserved and I was struggling to get used to it slowly, as I am the type to be very open and affectionate. This was a difficulty regularly, I have spoken to her about it before and she mentioned it being a problem before.

 

I was coping well enough until a certain event. She has a long distance male friend who she never actually met that she was regularly on and off lovey dovey with. He was also friends with many of her guy friends. He decided to fly out to the area and she completely dropped all time with me for the duration of the week and barely communicated. Even sleeping over other places and staying out all night.

 

I tried to give her trust and respect but needed to be honest and spoke to her about it the day after he left. She told me he cares for him as much as me and feels even closer to him now that they met, and didn't know if she would ever choose him over me. I had hit my breaking point and called it off, we were about to move in together as well.

 

After 3 hours I called her and asked her to talk me out of all this because I made a mistake and don't want to break up. She refused and coldly ended the idea and conversation. Several hours later I did the typical begging and texting all night and she was closed to it. I also sent out some bad texts to the other guy and a good bye message to her mother(who understood my feelings).

 

She came over the next day and we talked, she said she doesn't know what she wants and that she has been talking to this other guy a lot and he is supporting her. I was rational and told her stuff like how she is my best friend and I want to stop all this and go back to the way it was. But she said she doesn't know what she wants. I found out this person kissed her and confessed his love to her before he left, but she still thinks the world of him, and confides very closely in him.

 

After this we had 4 days of no contact, and I sent her an email about how I will respect her wishes and move on. She hasn't read it yet. I really want this girl back and honestly don't know what to do. She makes me feel a lot different than many other girls have. I'm sure it looks like a small part of her wanted out and I gave it to her, so I believe she is dumping her pain and needs into this other person.

 

I'll post more when it comes. Please respond and let me what you all think. I have been torn up and don't really know right now.

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First off.. I don't how or why you'd have HIS number? Dont think that's right or any of your business.

 

You can't 'make' anyone 'love' you. If it's not there, it isn't...

She is most likely very confused at the moment with herself & her feelings. So she can't be fully into him if she's still got you in there too.

BUT, she has shifted more towards him now and not much YOU can do about this.

 

Work on trying to accept this fact & respect HER wishes. Do your best to STOP hounding her now. Iknow it's NOT easy, as you're so hurt etc. But doing this will make things worse, between you two.

 

Try and leave her alone now. Totally back off and let her figure herself out. Do no more contact etc.

If she's going to go his way now.. let her. It'll work out for them.. or it won't. Either way, YOU have no control over it or her.

 

It is hard to do, like I mentioned but please don't make it worse.. try to back down now and give yourself some self-respect and work on YOU now.

You will feel sadness..lonely..confused..denial..anger, etc. for a while. Until your mind becomes clearer about it all.

 

One day at a time..tc

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I'm going to be brutally honest - and this is coming from the perspective of a reserved woman who was married to a very extroverted guy.

 

It's VERY stressful to be in a relationship where you know you're hurting your partner through your natural reserve, and where, even when they're trying not to push you, it all comes accross as pressure because of the major differences in expression and demonstrations of love. It's VERY hard to deal with.

 

Given that - this may be part of what actually appeals to her about this guy. That doesn't really help you. But I'm trying to give you a little insight into her feelings. If she's very reserved, someone who isn't there all the time may be easier for her to handle at this time.

 

As for your relationship - there's nothing you can do except strive to respect her wishes and not rake yourself through hot coals by throwing yourself at her and being rejected. Step back, start working on giving yourself some love, and take each day as it comes.

 

You can't make someone love you or choose you. All you can do is work on the part of things that are under your control - your own life - and let her sort out her own.

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"She is the type to be emotionally reserved and I was struggling to get used to it slowly, as I am the type to be very open and affectionate"

 

Sounds to me like you are acting a little too needy and weak. Which leads me to suspect that the level of attraction isnt there anymore, and possibly never was. You need to be less available to her, go NC, and focus on getting happiness from other places (firstly yourself) than an emotionally reserved woman. Just like you can't squeeze water from a stone, why are you trying to get love out a woman who doesnt seem emotionally available?

 

If she is in fact emotionally reserved, I think by finding happiness elsewhere, she will notice your independence. Always remember there is only a small chance for reconciliation, so let her come to you. She needs to feel comfortable, so trying to convince you have something good will only make her think her feelings are your coercion.

 

Stop being needy and don't chase.

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